Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fillers (uh, umm) and unclear phrases ("I would work maybe 2 shops"). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, because, so).

例: Yes, I walk a lot. For example, I walk to work most days — it takes about 15 minutes depending on my pace — because I prefer to save money instead of taking an Uber. I also walk to do errands like grocery shopping or going to church.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and then give a specific example with clear sequencing. Reduce repetition and use linking words such as "because" or "so" to explain reasons. Replace vague phrases like "maybe" with more confident language.

例: Yes, I often walked outside as a child. Because my family had no other children at home and my friends lived about 20 minutes away, I would walk to my friend’s house to play and then return home afterwards.

提案: Be direct and use precise vocabulary. Begin with a clear reason, then add a supporting detail or example. Avoid hesitations and correct word choice mistakes ("Pkwy" and "working in a Pkwy"). Use linking words like "because" and "for example."

例: People like walking in parks because it helps them relax and reflect. For example, after a stressful day at work or school, a quiet walk among trees allows many people to clear their minds and release negative emotions.

提案: Keep sentences complete and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then explain why with specific sensory details. Use linking words (because, so) and finish your thought—avoid trailing off.

例: I would like to take a long walk on the beaches of the Maldives because the clear water and white sand look incredibly peaceful. Walking there would be a dream: I imagine listening to waves, feeling the warm sand, and finding it very stress-relieving.

提案: Be specific and avoid unclear acronyms or words ("HSP", "worked UMM"). Start with a clear answer about the most recent walk, then give one brief supporting detail about who you went with and why. Remove fillers and repetitions.

例: Recently, I walked to town yesterday with a colleague from work to buy snacks. It's become a little tradition for us to walk together after work and chat as a way to relax and reflect on the day.

× Yes I do walk a lot.

✓ Yes, I do walk a lot.

No grammatical error affecting verb form; only punctuation and natural phrasing needed. Add a comma after 'Yes' and maintain 'do' for emphasis. Suggestion: say 'Yes, I walk a lot.' for more natural speech.

× I usually walk from home to work which is like maybe usually uh 15 minutes walk depending on my pace and also I usually just save my money instead of taking ubers.

✓ I usually walk from home to work, which is about a 15-minute walk depending on my pace, and I usually save my money instead of taking Ubers.

Problems: redundancy ('usually' repeated), incorrect noun phrase '15 minutes walk' should be '15-minute walk' (hyphenated adjective), and proper noun 'Ubers' capitalized. Suggestion: remove repeated words, use hyphenated compound adjective before noun, and capitalize brand names.

× I would work maybe 2 shops.

✓ I would work at maybe two shops.

Missing preposition 'at' needed with 'work' when specifying workplace; use numeric words in formal writing ('two'). Suggestion: include appropriate preposition and spell out small numbers if desired.

× When I'm doing groceries umm to Kohl's or maybe even to church I walk.

✓ When I'm doing groceries at Kohl's or maybe even going to church, I walk.

Use 'at' with a store, and use 'going to church' rather than 'to church' after groceries; ensure gerund forms align. Suggestion: reorder phrase for clarity: 'When I go grocery shopping at Kohl's or go to church, I walk.'

× Yes, I used to play a lot outside so I was the only child at home and my friends didn't live close to my house.

✓ Yes, I used to play outside a lot because I was an only child at home and my friends didn't live close to my house.

Word order: 'play outside a lot' is more natural; 'the only child at home' should be 'an only child' to indicate exclusive status. Suggestion: reorder adverb and use correct article with 'only child'.

× I would walk to go and play with my friends and it was usually like maybe one of my friends stayed 20 minutes away from my house.

✓ I would walk to my friends' houses to play, and usually one of my friends lived about 20 minutes away from my house.

'Stayed' is incorrect for residence in this context — use 'lived'. 'Walk to go and play' is wordy; simplify. Use possessive 'friends' houses' or 'to my friend's house'. Suggestion: prefer 'lived' for residence and simplify the verb phrases.

× So I would walk from my house to her, then I'd play with her and then then come back home after that.

✓ So I would walk from my house to hers, then I'd play with her and then come back home after that.

Use possessive pronoun 'hers' not 'her' after a noun; remove duplicate 'then'. Suggestion: use 'hers' for destination and avoid repetition.

× I think life is a lot, uh, we face a lot in life.

✓ I think life is difficult; we face many challenges in life.

Original is ungrammatical and vague. Replace with clear noun 'challenges' and appropriate adjective. Suggestion: avoid repetition and use precise vocabulary.

× I find working in a Pkwy therapeutic, I would say.

✓ I find working in a parkway therapeutic, I would say.

Abbreviation 'Pkwy' is inappropriate in speech; 'in a park' or 'on a parkway' depending on meaning. If intended 'park', use 'in a park'. Suggestion: choose correct noun and preposition: 'in a park' or 'on a parkway'.

× Uh, so I think people like to just go and walk in park so that they can just think about their day and kind of reflect on how the day went and just release, uh, some negative emotions.

✓ So I think people like to go for a walk in the park so that they can think about their day, reflect on how it went, and release some negative emotions.

Use 'go for a walk' and 'in the park' with definite article. Remove filler words and repetitive 'just'. Suggestion: streamline sentence and use correct collocations: 'go for a walk', 'in the park'.

× If I was given an opportunity, I really like to walk in the Maldives, like the beach in the Maldives, it looks so beautiful to me.

✓ If I were given the opportunity, I would like to walk in the Maldives; the beaches there look so beautiful to me.

Use subjunctive 'were' for hypothetical condition and 'would like' for preference. 'Beach in the Maldives' should be plural 'beaches' or 'the beach'. Suggestion: use correct conditional structure: 'If I were..., I would...'.

× I would like to work there because I just enjoy nature and looking around it.

✓ I would like to walk there because I just enjoy nature and looking around it.

Context: student talked about walking, not working; original said 'work' likely by mistake. If meaning is 'walk', change to 'walk'. If they meant 'work', keep but adjust meaning. Suggestion: ensure verbs match intended meaning.

× I would it's it's a dream for me to work there.

✓ It's a dream for me to work there.

Extra 'I would' and duplicated 'it's' create ungrammatical phrasing. Suggestion: keep one clear clause: 'It's a dream for me to work there.'

× I would find it very stress relieving and I'd feel like.

✓ I would find it very stress-relieving and I'd feel relaxed.

'Stress relieving' should be hyphenated as 'stress-relieving' used attributively. Sentence 'I'd feel like.' is incomplete; complete thought needed, e.g., 'I'd feel relaxed.' Suggestion: use hyphenation and finish the sentence.

× Oh, that's such a good question. I haven't really worked UMM in some time.

✓ Oh, that's such a good question. I haven't really walked much in some time.

'Worked' is incorrect — likely meant 'walked'. Use present perfect 'haven't walked' for actions up to now. Suggestion: choose correct verb and use present perfect for recent past continuing to present.

× As I as I said earlier, I usually just commute to work, so I've been working there lately.

✓ As I said earlier, I usually commute to work, so I've been working there lately.

Remove repetition 'As I as I'. Sentence otherwise ok; use present perfect continuous 'I've been commuting' if intended. Suggestion: eliminate duplications.

× But yesterday I walked to town with my friend from work to buy HSP.

✓ But yesterday I walked to town with my friend from work to buy HSP.

Sentence is grammatically correct in past tense. Ensure 'HSP' is intended item; otherwise clarify. No change needed except confirm proper noun.

× I think we've just made that a culture that every time we leave work we just go and buy HSP as a way of reflecting together.

✓ I think we've made it a habit that every time we leave work, we go and buy HSP as a way of reflecting together.

Use 'made it a habit' instead of 'made that a culture' for natural collocation. Remove repetitive 'just'. Add comma before clause. Suggestion: use natural collocations like 'make it a habit'.