Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 発音と文法の誤り（record→go/commute、one kilometers→one to two kilometresなど）を直し、より自然で簡潔な表現を使ってください。また具体性を高めるために頻度や目的を短く付け加えると良いです。文は最大5文に収め、冗長性を避けてください。

例: Yes, I do. I usually walk to school, so I walk about one to two kilometres a day. I prefer walking because it helps me wake up and saves bus fare.

提案: 時制と語順の修正が必要です（“in these days”→“these days”は現在形、冗長な表現や繰り返しを避ける）。理由の説明は現在との対比で簡潔に述べてください。接続詞で文をつなげると自然になります。

例: Yes, I did. I used to go out and walk often when I was a child, but these days I usually stay at home and spend a lot of time on my smartphone.

提案: 繰り返しや曖昧な表現（becauseの多用、the be because, uhなど）を避け、主語の一致を直してください（he→they）。理由を2点程度に絞り、接続詞でつなげると説得力が増します。

例: People like walking in parks because they offer a quieter environment away from traffic noise, and they provide greenery where people can relax and get some fresh air.

提案: 仮定法の時制（If I had the chance, I would…）を使い、冠詞や自然な語順を修正してください（the Tokyo→Tokyo）。理由は一文で簡潔に述べ、重複を避けてください。

例: If I had the chance, I would like to walk around Tokyo because I enjoy the lively atmosphere and the variety of neighbourhoods to explore.

提案: 過去形と現在形の混在（went… and go）を修正し、語彙を自然に整えてください（the Yokohama→Yokohama; beside the sea→by the sea）。感情表現は控えめにし、具体的な描写を1つ加えると良いです。

例: I went to Yokohama recently and walked in a park by the sea. I felt very relaxed because of the sea breeze and the peaceful view.

× I usually record the school by foot, so I think I walk about one kilometers and two kilometers in a day.

✓ I usually reach the school on foot, so I think I walk about one or two kilometers a day.

'Kilometers' must match the number: 'one kilometer' (singular). Also 'about one kilometers and two kilometers' is ungrammatical; 'about one or two kilometers' is natural. 'Record the school by foot' is incorrect verb and preposition: use 'reach the school on foot'. ID:1

× Yes I did. I usually went outside and to have a walk, but in these days I spend I usually spend time to stay at home and using a smartphone and watching you too.

✓ Yes, I did. I usually went outside to have a walk, but these days I usually spend time staying at home, using a smartphone, and watching YouTube.

Incorrect verb forms and infinitive usage: use 'go out to have a walk' -> 'went outside to have a walk' but better 'went outside to take a walk'. 'In these days' should be 'these days'. 'I spend I usually spend' is redundant. Use 'spend time staying at home' and gerunds after 'using' and 'watching'. 'you too' likely meant 'YouTube'. ID:9

× Because the city is very noisy because of the be because, uh, car and train so people can relax when he walk in parks.

✓ Because the city is very noisy because of cars and trains, so people can relax when they walk in parks.

Pronoun 'he' is wrong for general people; use 'they'. Also 'car and train' should be plural 'cars and trains'. Remove filler 'be because'. ID:12

× If I had the chance, I want to go to the Tokyo to take a long walk because I like the atmosphere of the big city. So I want to go to the Tokyo and feel relax.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to go to Tokyo to take a long walk because I like the atmosphere of a big city. So I would like to go to Tokyo and feel relaxed.

In a hypothetical conditional ('If I had the chance'), use 'would' or 'would like' not simple present 'want'. Also 'the Tokyo' is incorrect: use 'Tokyo' without article. 'Feel relax' should be adjective 'relaxed'. ID:4

× I went to the Yokohama and go to the park beside the sea. I I can feel very, very relaxed and I think it is very enjoyable.

✓ I went to Yokohama and went to the park by the sea. I felt very, very relaxed and I think it was very enjoyable.

'The Yokohama' should be 'Yokohama' without 'the'. 'Go to the park beside the sea' mixes tenses and prepositions: use past tense 'went' and 'by the sea' or 'beside the sea'. Also after past 'I can feel' should be past 'I felt' to match 'I went'. ID:11