Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, correct grammar, and avoid self-deprecating phrases. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one brief reason using linking words. Keep under five sentences.

例: Not really. I usually use my motorbike to get around because it is faster and more convenient for short trips, especially in heavy traffic.

提案: Fix grammar (possessives and verb forms), remove filler words, and organize with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details linked logically. Be specific about activities and who accompanied you.

例: Yes. I often walked around the neighborhood with my father after dinner because it was a pleasant way to relax; we would stroll along the streets and sometimes stop to chat with neighbors.

提案: Use accurate vocabulary and connect ideas with linking words. Correct grammatical errors and avoid vague phrases. Provide two clear reasons with brief examples.

例: I think people like walking in parks because they offer open space for exercise and fresh air after a busy day. In addition, parks are relaxing places where people can unwind, meet friends, or enjoy nature.

提案: Be clear and accurate about the place; remove irrelevant or incorrect words. State a direct preference, give a reason, and add a brief detail about what you would do there. Avoid mispronounced or incorrect nouns.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk around Old Trafford stadium because I am a big Manchester United fan; I would enjoy exploring the stands and soaking up the atmosphere.

提案: Correct tense and word choice, remove fillers, and organize into a clear topic sentence plus two supporting details. Be specific about activities and use correct verbs.

例: Last weekend I went for a walk in the local park. I spent about an hour there with a friend; we sat by the pond, took photos of the trees, and enjoyed the peaceful surroundings.

× Not much because I am a lazy boy, so I when I have to go to another place I often use my motorbike to reach this destination.

✓ Not much because I am a lazy boy, so when I have to go to another place I often use my motorbike to get there.

The sentence has an extra pronoun 'I' after 'so' which is unnecessary and disrupts sentence flow. Also 'reach this destination' is awkward; native speakers say 'get there'. Suggestion: remove the extra 'I' and use the natural phrase 'get there'.

× Yes, of course. While I often went outside for work when I was a child, I usually walk with my father's in neighborhoods after dinner because it was a nice way to relax and make my, uh, body feel unwind.

✓ Yes, of course. When I was a child I often went outside to play; I usually walked with my father in the neighborhood after dinner because it was a nice way to relax and help my body unwind.

Tense consistency: mix of past ('went') and present ('walk') is incorrect. 'While' is awkward here; 'when' fits better. 'Father's' incorrectly uses possessive; should be 'father'. 'Neighborhoods' should be singular 'neighborhood'. 'Make my body feel unwind' is ungrammatical; use 'help my body unwind'. Suggestion: keep past tense throughout and correct nouns and verb phrases.

× I think people like working in parks because they have a space to.

✓ I think people like walking in parks because they have space to do so.

Preposition and verb choice errors: 'working in parks' should be 'walking in parks' to match context. 'Have a space to' is incomplete; use 'have space to do so' or 'have a place to walk'. Suggestion: use complete phrase 'have space to do so'.

× It's to exercise and enjoy the fresh atmosphere after a long day of hard work.

✓ It's to exercise and enjoy the fresh air after a long day of hard work.

'Fresh atmosphere' is unnatural here; the common collocation is 'fresh air'. 'It's to' is slightly informal but acceptable; suggestion: replace 'fresh atmosphere' with 'fresh air' for natural English.

× Many is also go to parks to let their hair down.

✓ Many people also go to parks to let their hair down.

Subject 'Many' alone is incorrect; it needs a noun like 'people'. Also verb 'is' mismatches; the correct structure is 'Many people also go'. Suggestion: add the noun 'people' and use 'go'.

× Oh successfully all Childfalls stadium I love there's a designation because I am bit a huge fan of Manchester United Football Club.

✓ Oh, actually I love Old Trafford stadium; I am a big fan of Manchester United Football Club.

The original is nearly incomprehensible: word order and wrong words ('successfully', 'Childfalls', 'designation', 'bit a huge fan'). Likely intended 'Old Trafford' (Manchester United's stadium) and 'actually' meaning correction. Use 'I am a big fan' for correct collocation. Suggestion: replace incorrect words and reorder to form a clear sentence.

× So if I have the chance I will have a long walk in this stadium to enjoy the dynamics and fear here.

✓ So if I have the chance I will take a long walk in the stadium to enjoy the atmosphere and excitement there.

Word choice errors: 'have a long walk' is less natural than 'take a long walk'. 'Dynamics and fear' are incorrect; likely meant 'atmosphere and excitement'. 'Here' should be 'there' when referring to the stadium. Suggestion: use natural collocations 'take a long walk', 'atmosphere and excitement', and correct demonstrative.

× Oh well, I went to four walk in the local park last weekend.

✓ Oh well, I went for a walk in the local park last weekend.

'Four walk' is a mishearing of 'for a walk'; use 'for a walk'. Tense 'went' is correct. Suggestion: use correct preposition 'for' and article 'a'.

× It was a nice change because I wanted some fresh air and quiet and I worked with a friend for one hour.

✓ It was a nice change because I wanted some fresh air and quiet, and I walked with a friend for one hour.

'Worked with a friend' contradicts context of walking; likely intended 'walked'. Also add comma before conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: use verb that fits context ('walked').

× For example, I sat by the ponds and look, took some photo of the trees and many other.

✓ For example, I sat by the pond and looked around, took some photos of the trees and many others.

Verb tense: 'look' should be past 'looked' to match 'sat' and 'took'. 'Ponds' vs 'pond' depends on park; singular 'the pond' is common. 'Photo' should be plural 'photos'. 'Many other' is incomplete; use 'many others' or 'many other things'. Suggestion: make verbs past, pluralize nouns correctly, and complete the phrase.