Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammar (use present simple consistently). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a specific detail and a linking phrase. Avoid redundancy (relax our mind and stress is repetitive).

例: Yes, I walk regularly to the park near my house with my friend Aisha. We usually walk for about 20 to 30 minutes because the fresh air helps us relax after a long day, and it also keeps us fit.

提案: Choose correct tense and expressions (didn't use to, became, relieve/de-stress). Keep the answer shorter and clearer: state the childhood habit, then contrast with now using a linking word. Avoid unclear phrases like 'which is a major.'

例: No, I didn't use to go for walks much as a child. However, as I grew older I became more health-conscious, so now I walk regularly to de-stress from work and study.

提案: Organize your reasons with linking words and be specific. Use clearer vocabulary (reduce 'many many', avoid 'due to the risk of the diseases'). Limit to two main reasons and give a short example. Fix sentence endings and grammar.

例: People enjoy walking in parks because it is good exercise that helps maintain fitness and reduce the risk of health problems. In addition, walking outdoors is a simple way to de-stress from work or exam pressure, for example by taking a 30-minute stroll after studying.

提案: Avoid repetition and complete sentences. Give a clear reason and a brief supporting detail. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'. Replace 'is a best kind of a therapy' with 'is a great form of therapy.'

例: I'd like to take a long walk along a beach because the sea and bird sounds are very soothing. For example, a long coastal walk helps me clear my mind and feel refreshed.

提案: Be precise and avoid repetition ('there' and 'seashell' repeated). Use past tense consistently and give one or two specific details (what made it special). Fix small errors (bought vs. brought, 'along along').

例: Last month I went for a walk at a rocky beach with my sister and brother. We had a lovely time collecting several pretty seashells and brought a few home as souvenirs.

× I usually walk to the park near my house with my best friend Aisha Be.

✓ I usually walk to the park near my house with my best friend, Aisha Be.

Missing comma before a name used in apposition; this is punctuation rather than pronoun but relates to clarity of noun phrase. Add comma to set off the name.

× We enjoy getting some fresh air that helps us to relax our mind and stress after a long day of work.

✓ We enjoy getting some fresh air that helps us relax our minds and reduce stress after a long day of work.

Use plural 'minds' to match plural subject and use 'reduce stress' instead of 'relax ... stress'. Also remove 'to' after 'helps us' because verbs after 'helps' take base form.

× Usually we walk for almost 30 minutes and sometimes 20 minutes.

✓ Usually we walk for about 30 minutes and sometimes for 20 minutes.

Use 'about' instead of 'almost' for approximate time and include 'for' before '20 minutes' for parallel structure.

× When I was a child I didn't used to go on a walk much but as I grew up I become more conscious about my health so now I go to the walk as it helps me to depress from the workload and my studies as well which is a major.

✓ When I was a child, I didn't use to go for walks much, but as I grew up I became more conscious about my health, so now I go for a walk because it helps me relieve the workload and study-related stress, which is important.

Use 'use to' after 'didn't' (not 'used to'), past tense 'became' for 'grow up', 'go for a walk(s)' is the correct collocation, and 'relieve' is the proper verb for reducing stress. Add commas for clarity and correct 'which is a major' to 'which is important'.

× Many many people like walking in the park as it helps them to stay fit especially due to the risk of the diseases and also it helps them to de stress from the job or education like the exam pressure walking is like the best kind of exercise for overall health and.

✓ Many people like walking in the park because it helps them stay fit, reduces the risk of disease, and helps them de-stress from work or study pressure. Walking is one of the best kinds of exercise for overall health.

Remove redundant 'many many', use 'because' for reason, 'risk of disease' (uncountable), 'de-stress' as a verb, and restructure run-on sentence into two clear sentences.

× I would love to walk along a beach because it helps to relax the mind.

✓ I would love to walk along a beach because it helps relax the mind.

After 'helps' use the base verb (relax), not 'to relax'; remove 'to'.

× The sound of the beach and the birds that helps to relax the mind overall and it is a best kind of a therapy I believe when you are walking it helps to relax and.

✓ The sound of the waves and the birds helps to relax the mind overall, and it is a good kind of therapy. I believe that when you are walking, it helps you relax.

Change 'beach' to 'waves' (sound of the beach is unnatural), keep singular verb 'helps' with the compound subject treated as a singular experience, use 'a good kind of therapy' instead of 'a best kind of a therapy', and use 'helps you relax' with base verb form and explicit subject 'you'. Also split into two sentences to fix run-on.

× I went to the rocky beach last month with my sister and my brother.

✓ I went to the rocky beach last month with my sister and my brother.

Sentence is grammatically correct; retained past tense 'went' to match question about a recent past event. No change needed.

× We really enjoyed it and there we found a seashell and there were so many seashell over there.

✓ We really enjoyed it; there we found a seashell, and there were so many seashells.

Avoid redundant 'there' usage and pluralize 'seashells'. Use punctuation to combine clauses correctly.

× We picked up some of them and bought them home along along some other.

✓ We picked up some of them and brought them home along with some others.

Use 'brought' (past of bring) instead of 'bought' (purchase) if they took shells home, correct 'along along' duplication, and use 'others' to refer to additional items. Use 'along with' for correct prepositional phrase.