Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one specific example with correct tense and smoother phrasing. Avoid repeating 'work' and clarify whether you mean walking for work or walking a lot in general.

例: Yes, I walk a lot because my job requires it. For example, on 16 May this year I walked between Albany and Davenport twice, covering over 70 kilometres in a single day, which was unusually long but shows how much I walk for work.

提案: Provide a direct answer first (yes/no), then briefly explain with a clear reason and one supporting detail. Use correct grammar (avoid 'else addicted') and past tense consistency. Keep it to 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: No, I didn't walk outside much as a child because I was quite sedentary and not good at sports. However, I have become much more active as an adult and now walk regularly.

提案: Answer directly and organize reasons with linking words. Correct grammar and referents (e.g., 'their body' should be 'the body' or 'them'). Give 2 clear reasons and one brief example or effect.

例: People like walking in parks because they are safe and peaceful, which makes exercise more pleasant. In addition, parks offer fresh air and greenery, so walking there helps relax the mind and benefits people of all ages.

提案: Give a clear and natural conditional response using correct tense (would instead of 'I'll'), then add one specific reason why you would choose that place. Keep it concise and avoid repeating 'not necessary'.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the North Shore in Auckland because I live there and the coastal paths are beautiful and convenient for a long, uninterrupted walk.

提案: Provide a direct, natural answer using correct phrasing (e.g., 'I went for a walk' not 'went for work'), state when and give a brief reason or description. Combine sentences with linking words for coherence.

例: I went for a walk at Mission Bay yesterday. It's only about a half-hour drive from my home, and I enjoy the seaside promenade and the views, which make it a pleasant short trip.

× Yes, I work quite a lot. For example, on the 16th of May this year, I worked from Albany to Davenport back and forth twice. I work for a total of more than 70 kilometres within a single day.

✓ Yes, I walk quite a lot. For example, on the 16th of May this year, I walked from Albany to Davenport and back twice. I walked a total of more than 70 kilometres in a single day.

Mixed present and past tense caused inconsistency. The student began with present tense 'I work' but then described a specific past event (16th of May), which requires past tense. Use 'walk' for habitual action, or 'walked' for the past event. Also 'back and forth twice' is awkward; 'and back twice' is clearer. Use 'a total of more than' -> 'a total of more than 70 kilometres' kept, but 'in a single day' is the correct prepositional phrase.

× Things were different when I was a child. When I was a child else addicted to a sedentary lifestyle and was particularly bad at sports and exercising. But now things are completely different.

✓ Things were different when I was a child. When I was a child I was addicted to a sedentary lifestyle and was particularly bad at sports and exercise. But now things are completely different.

The original sentence is ungrammatical due to missing subject and incorrect word choice 'else'. Add the subject 'I' and use noun 'exercise' rather than the gerund 'exercising' for parallelism. Keep tense consistent (past) when describing childhood.

× People like to walk in park because it's a safe and secure for the more you exercise. Their body and it's quite relaxing as well for people of all ages.

✓ People like to walk in parks because it's safe and secure, and the more you exercise, the better for your body. It's also quite relaxing for people of all ages.

Use plural 'parks' or 'the park' rather than 'park' when speaking generally. 'a safe and secure for the more you exercise' is ungrammatical: remove extra article and rephrase to 'the more you exercise, the better for your body.' 'Their body' is incorrect pronoun reference; use 'your body' or 'the body' for general statements. Also split into clearer sentences and add commas for clarity.

× If I had a chance to take a long walk, I'll just do so at North Shore Auckland, the exact place where I live. I don't think I have to travel very far. It's not necessary.

✓ If I had a chance to take a long walk, I would just do so on the North Shore of Auckland, exactly where I live. I don't think I would have to travel very far; it's not necessary.

In conditional sentences of the second type (hypothetical present), use 'would' in the result clause, not 'will'. Also use the correct preposition 'on the North Shore of Auckland' and word order 'exactly where I live.' Use 'would have to' to match the hypothetical mood.

× I went for work along the Mission Bay yesterday. Mission Bay is not quite far from my home, just half an hour driving.

✓ I went for a walk along Mission Bay yesterday. Mission Bay is not very far from my home; it's just a half-hour drive.

'Went for work' is incorrect collocation; use 'went for a walk' to describe walking. 'Along the Mission Bay' should be 'along Mission Bay' or 'along the Mission Bay waterfront' depending on meaning. 'Just half an hour driving' is ungrammatical; use 'just a half-hour drive' or 'just half an hour by car.' Past tense 'went' is correct for 'yesterday.'