Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は主旨が不明瞭で語彙や文法の誤りが多いです。まず明瞭なトピック文を作り、支持理由は2点までに絞り、簡潔な文でつなぎ語（because, so, and）を使って論理的に述べてください。心臓の健康や景色を楽しむことを言いたいなら、適切な単語（fitness, relax, scenery）を使い、専門用語や誤った造語は避けましょう。発音・文法では現在形と継続的な行為の区別（I walk a lot / I prefer walking）を意識してください。

例: Yes, I walk a lot. I prefer walking to driving because it helps me stay fit and relax my mind. Also, I enjoy the scenery along the roads, which makes my walks more pleasant.

提案: 過去の習慣を述べるときは過去形で統一し、余分な語や意味不明な表現を避けてください。'walking shishore' や 'plunged into the philosophy' は不自然です。具体的な活動や感情（played, explored, felt peaceful）を使い、接続詞（so, and, because）で理由や結果をつなげてください。

例: Yes, I did. As a child, I often walked in parks and along the seashore. I enjoyed being alone and thinking quietly because the sea made me feel calm and peaceful.

提案: 質問に対して主張をはっきり述べ、支持理由を2つ程度に絞って簡潔に説明してください。'refresh their motivation as a greenery' や 'Richards energy' は意味が不明なので、自然や水景が気分を良くする、運動になるなど具体的で適切な語彙（relaxing, refreshing, exercise）を使いましょう。接続詞（for example, because, also）で論理をつなげます。

例: People like walking in parks because parks are relaxing and help reduce stress. Also, parks offer pleasant scenery and fresh air, and walking there is good light exercise.

提案: 仮定法や希望を述べる際は 'If I had the chance' などの表現を使い、目的地の特徴を具体的に述べてください。'white land' や二重否定は避け、地形や気候（flat plains, wide open spaces, mild climate）を説明して理由を明確にします。文は2〜4文で簡潔に。

例: If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk in Hokkaido. Its wide, flat landscapes and open fields are perfect for long, peaceful walks without steep hills.

提案: 最近の出来事を述べるときは過去形を使い、場所の名称は正確に言いましょう（'an emperor's park' など不明瞭な表現は避ける）。また、理由は具体的に（fewer traffic lights, quiet streets）述べ、文は簡潔に完結させてください。余分な末尾の未完の文は避けます。

例: Recently I walked around the Imperial Palace area in Tokyo. There are fewer traffic lights and quiet streets, so walking there felt relaxed and stress-free.

× I prefer working for long distance and paperwork time.

✓ I prefer working long hours and doing paperwork.

The sentence incorrectly uses 'for long distance' and 'paperwork time'. Use 'working long hours' to express duration and 'doing paperwork' to express the activity. Use the verb + -ing form correctly after 'prefer'.

× Throughout that activity, I can enhance my draperity through moving my muscle and my dysfunction of heart.

✓ Through that activity, I can improve my dexterity by moving my muscles and improving my heart health.

Multiple word choice errors: 'draperity' should be 'dexterity'; 'moving my muscle' needs plural 'muscles'; 'my dysfunction of heart' is ungrammatical — use 'improving my heart health'. Use 'by' to show means.

× Besides, I can enjoy the landscape around the road.

✓ Also, I can enjoy the scenery along the road.

Use 'also' as a connector; 'landscape around the road' is awkward—'scenery along the road' is natural.

× When I was a child. I often go out and walking around the park and the ocean as walking shishore.

✓ When I was a child, I often went out and walked around the park and the ocean shoreline.

Tense mismatch: the clause refers to the past, so use past tense verbs 'went' and 'walked'. Also correct 'shishore' to 'shoreline' and fix sentence fragment by combining clauses.

× I love immersed into my world and plunged into the philosophy and I.

✓ I loved being immersed in my own world and lost in my thoughts.

Use past tense to match 'When I was a child'. 'Love immersed into' is ungrammatical; use 'being immersed in'. 'Plunged into the philosophy and I' is unclear—replace with 'lost in my thoughts'.

× Of course there are a lot of purposes people walking around the park especially I think some people work like to walk around the park because they can refresh their motivation as a greenery and I see water and Richards energy to.

✓ Of course there are many reasons people walk in parks. For example, workers often walk there to refresh their motivation, enjoy the greenery, and feel energized by the water and nature.

Run-on and awkward phrasing fixed. 'A lot of purposes' → 'many reasons'. Use 'people walk in parks'. 'Work like to' → 'workers often'. 'Refresh their motivation' is fine. 'I see water and Richards energy to' is unclear; interpret as 'feel energized by the water and nature'.

× When I have some time to work long distance, I want to walk around the land of Hokkaido.

✓ If I had the chance, I would like to take a long walk in Hokkaido.

The question asks a hypothetical: use conditional 'If I had the chance, I would like...'. 'Work long distance' is irrelevant here, replace with context-appropriate conditional phrasing.

× There are white land without steep terrains, or I can long walk for long distance without hesitation without.

✓ There are wide snowy plains with gentle terrain, so I could walk long distances without hesitation.

Replace 'white land' with 'wide snowy plains' and 'without steep terrains' with 'with gentle terrain'. Remove duplicated 'without' and use natural expression 'walk long distances without hesitation'.

× Recently I walked around a empire's Paris in Tokyo.

✓ Recently I walked around the Imperial Palace in Tokyo.

'a empire's Paris' is incorrect. The likely place is 'Imperial Palace'. Keep past tense 'walked'.

× There are less signals around there, so I can walk without any obstacles and stress when I walk. And I can.

✓ There are fewer traffic lights there, so I can walk without obstacles or stress.

'Less' should be 'fewer' with countable 'signals'. Remove repetition 'when I walk' and incomplete final clause 'And I can.' which is unnecessary.