Walking— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời thiếu rõ ràng và có nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp cũng như từ sai. Nên mở đầu bằng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng trả lời trực tiếp câu hỏi, sửa lỗi động từ và thứ tự từ, giảm tiếng ồ ừ, và thêm một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể (khi nào, tần suất). Hạn chế dài quá 2-3 câu để tự nhiên.

例: Yes, I walk quite regularly. I usually go for a 20-minute walk around the park near my apartment most evenings to unwind after work. This short routine helps me relax and stay active.

提案: Câu trả lời khá nhiều chi tiết nhưng có lỗi ngữ pháp (thời quá khứ, động từ không đúng), lặp từ và thiếu liên kết mạch lạc. Nên mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn, dùng thì quá khứ đơn chính xác, sửa các cụm như "strengthen our bones" và tránh lặp động từ; dùng liên từ đơn giản để nối ý.

例: Yes, I often walked outside as a child. My parents and I used to visit the park every evening after dinner to talk about our day, and my friends and I frequently played there after school, which helped us stay active.

提案: Ý tưởng tốt nhưng có lỗi từ vựng và ngữ pháp (thừa từ, trật tự từ sai, từ sai như "enjoy fresher"). Cần câu chủ đề rõ ràng, dùng từ chính xác (fresh air), tránh thêm những từ không cần thiết. Có thể thêm một ví dụ ngắn liên kết các ý bằng "for example" hoặc "also".

例: People enjoy walking in parks because it is good for both physical and mental health. For example, office workers often take morning walks to stay fit and reduce stress, and older people, like my grandmother, walk early to enjoy the fresh air and stay active.

提案: Ý tưởng rõ nhưng có lặp từ và mô tả thừa ("sunset over the sun", "scenery scenery"). Nên dùng một câu chủ đề ngắn, tránh lặp, và chỉnh sửa mô tả để chính xác và cụ thể hơn (nói thời gian, cảm xúc). Giữ tổng câu dưới 4 câu.

例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the beach with my family. I love watching the sunset over the sea because the view is very peaceful, and we are actually planning a short trip next month.

提案: Câu trả lời lặp từ nhiều, có lỗi trật tự từ và thì. Cần trả lời trực tiếp bằng một câu chủ đề, sửa ngữ pháp ("I went for a walk in a shopping mall after finishing my errands"), tránh lặp, và nêu một lý do cụ thể ngắn gọn. Giữ 2-3 câu tối đa.

例: Recently I went for a walk in a shopping mall after finishing my errands. Walking around and doing a bit of window shopping helped me relax and was a convenient way to stay active.

× Definitely, I work most evenings.

✓ Definitely, I walk most evenings.

The context asks about walking frequency. The verb 'work' is semantically incorrect; replace with 'walk' to match meaning and present simple for habitual action.

× Working helps me unwind after work and gives my me active.

✓ Working helps me unwind after work and keeps me active.

Incorrect pronoun phrase 'my me' and wrong verb 'gives active'. Use 'keeps me active' to express maintenance of activity. Keep subject+verb+object order.

× I usually work uh, 20 minutes around the park near my apartment.

✓ I usually walk for about 20 minutes around the park near my apartment.

Wrong verb 'work' used instead of 'walk'. Also duration needs preposition 'for' and quantifier 'about'. Use present simple for habitual action.

× Uh, while my parents and I used to go to the park every evening after dinner, it was a great way to relieve stress and strengthen our bone because we would talk about our day and after school, my friends and I often hang hung out and played around the parks near my home.

✓ When my parents and I used to go to the park every evening after dinner, it was a great way to relieve stress and strengthen our bones because we would talk about our day. After school, my friends and I often hung out and played in the parks near my home.

Multiple issues: 'While' changed to 'When' for clarity; 'bone' should be plural 'bones'; 'hang hung out' redundant — use past tense 'hung out'; use 'in the parks' rather than 'around'. Sentences separated for clarity.

× Oh well. Many people like to walk in the parks for health and relaxation.

✓ Oh well. Many people like to walk in parks for health and relaxation.

Unnecessary definite article 'the' before plural 'parks' when speaking generally. Use zero article for general statements.

× For example, people who work long hours often go for a morning walk to keep fit and relieve stress.

✓ For example, people who work long hours often go for a morning walk to keep fit and relieve stress.

Sentence is correct; no change needed.

× Older people, like my grandmother, often walk in the park every early morning because it helps say that them stay active and enjoy fresher.

✓ Older people, like my grandmother, often walk in the park early every morning because it helps them stay active and enjoy fresher air.

Remove 'say that'; use correct object pronoun 'them' after 'helps' should actually be 'helps them' is acceptable in informal speech but better 'helps them stay'; 'every early morning' reorder to 'early every morning'; 'enjoy fresher' lacks noun — add 'air'.

× Well, if I had a chance, I would definitely go to the beach for a long leisurely walk with my family.

✓ Well, if I had the chance, I would definitely go to the beach for a long leisurely walk with my family.

Minor phrasing: 'a chance' is acceptable but 'the chance' fits conditional better. Structure otherwise correct (second conditional).

× I love watching the sunset over the sun at the sea because the scenery scenery is so peaceful and we're actually planning a short trip next month to do that.

✓ I love watching the sunset over the sea because the scenery is so peaceful, and we're actually planning a short trip next month to do that.

Redundant 'over the sun at the sea' incorrect — say 'over the sea'. Duplicate word 'scenery scenery' remove one. Add comma before conjunction for readability.

× All very recently I went for a walk in in a shopping mall after finishing my errands for working for work.

✓ Very recently I went for a walk in a shopping mall after finishing my errands from work.

Remove extra 'in'; phrase 'errands for working for work' incorrect — use 'errands from work' or 'after finishing my work errands'. Past tense 'went' is correct.

× After work working around and doing some window shop had me relaxed and stay active so it could be a good way to relieve stress and keep in shape.

✓ After working and doing some window shopping, I felt relaxed and stayed active, so it could be a good way to relieve stress and keep in shape.

Replace 'work working around' with 'working'; 'window shop' should be gerund 'window shopping'; need subject 'I felt' and past tense consistency 'stayed'. Add commas for clarity.