Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, fluency and completeness. Use a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms, and finish thoughts within 3–4 sentences. Avoid redundancy (e.g. “pilates and yoga” both imply exercise). Add a linking phrase when giving an additional point and give a specific frequency. Example: start with a direct statement, then add reason and a brief example.

例: I enjoy pilates and yoga because they help me stay fit and reduce stress. I usually attend classes twice a week, which keeps me consistent. Moreover, I like challenging my body with new poses to improve flexibility.

提案: Make tense usage consistent and provide a clear topic sentence. Use linking words to explain contrast (e.g. “although” or “but”) and avoid awkward phrasing like “I won't say”. Be specific about age/time and feelings. Keep within 2–4 sentences.

例: I didn’t really have hobbies as a child; basketball felt more like a responsibility. Although I enjoyed playing, I was required to attend training before and after school and on weekends, so it felt like an obligation.

提案: Use correct tense and cleaner phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence, then expand with specific details and a linking word. Avoid redundant words (e.g. “novels and fictions” → “novels” or “fiction”).

例: I have enjoyed reading since I was a child. For example, novels and other fiction immersed me so much that I often felt like I was living inside the story, which sparked my imagination.

提案: Improve coherence, pronoun use and sensitivity. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then use linking words (however, while) to compare. Correct grammar (e.g. “my dad and I both love reading”) and avoid awkward phrasing like “I never get the charm of it.” Also be careful with potentially sensitive subject descriptions—use neutral language (e.g. “romantic dramas”).

例: Not really. While my little brother enjoys playing video games, I don’t find them very appealing. My mother prefers romantic dramas, which I’m not a big fan of; however, my father and I both enjoy reading.

× I enjoy doing pilates and yoga and I make sure that I attend these classes at least every once a week as I prioritize is staying fit and healthy.

✓ I enjoy doing pilates and yoga, and I make sure that I attend these classes at least once a week because I prioritize staying fit and healthy.

Errors: unnecessary 'every' with 'once a week', and incorrect 'is' after 'prioritize'. Use simple present continuous/habitual: 'attend these classes at least once a week' and 'prioritize staying fit' (verb + -ing). Suggestion: remove 'every' and delete 'is' to form grammatically correct present-tense habits.

× I also like the idea of challenging our body to

✓ I also like the idea of challenging our bodies.

Error: sentence incomplete and singular/plural mismatch. The phrase should complete the idea; 'body' should be plural 'bodies' when referring generally to people. Suggestion: complete the sentence and use plural noun for general reference.

× I won't say I have hobbies as a child because it was more like a responsibility.

✓ I wouldn't say I had hobbies as a child because it was more like a responsibility.

Errors: tense and modality mismatch. Referencing childhood requires past tense 'had' not present 'have'. Also 'won't' (future refusal) is inappropriate; 'wouldn't say' or 'I wouldn't say' fits hypothetical/polite past reference. Suggestion: use past forms when talking about childhood.

× I had been in a basketball team for years and it's more like I am obligated to go to all the training sessions before and after classes and even on weekends.

✓ I was in a basketball team for years, and it felt more like I was obligated to go to all the training sessions before and after classes and even on weekends.

Errors: incorrect use of past perfect continuous 'had been' unnecessary; simple past 'was' is better when giving past state. Mixed tenses: 'it's more like I am obligated' mixes present with past context; change to past 'it felt' and 'I was obligated'. Suggestion: keep past tense consistent when describing past situations.

× I enjoy reading ever since I was a kid.

✓ I have enjoyed reading ever since I was a kid.

Error: 'ever since' requires present perfect to link past start to present ('have enjoyed'), not simple present 'enjoy'. Suggestion: use present perfect for actions that began in the past and continue to the present.

× I love the idea how novels and fictions they can give us such an immersive experience as if we were living the story together.

✓ I love how novels and fiction can give us such an immersive experience, as if we were living the story together.

Errors: unnecessary pronoun 'they' and incorrect phrase 'the idea how'. 'Fiction' is uncountable in this sense (not 'fictions'). Suggestion: remove redundant pronoun, use 'how' directly, and use 'fiction' uncountably.

× Um not really my little brother he enjoys playing video games which I never get the charm of it whereas my mother she loves watching gay dramas and I'm not like a big fan of it.

✓ Um, not really. My little brother enjoys playing video games, which I never really see the appeal of, whereas my mother loves watching gay dramas, and I'm not a big fan of them.

Errors: redundant subject pronouns ('my little brother he', 'my mother she'), awkward expressions ('get the charm of it'), pronoun agreement with plural 'dramas' requires 'them', and unnecessary 'like' after 'not'. Suggestion: remove redundant pronouns, use 'see the appeal of' or 'find them appealing', and ensure pronoun agreement and concise phrasing.

× But my dad and I we both love readings.

✓ But my dad and I both love reading.

Error: 'readings' is incorrect; the noun should be uncountable 'reading' when referring to the activity. Also remove redundant pronoun 'we'. Suggestion: use 'reading' to refer to the hobby in general and avoid duplicate subjects.