Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽고 의미는 전달되지만 문법 오류와 어색한 표현이 있습니다. 구어체 약어(wanna), 문장 끝의 불완전함(‘or.’), 그리고 반복적인 표현을 정리해야 합니다. 또한 주제문 이후에 이유나 빈도, 구체적인 예를 덧붙여 답변을 풍부하게 하세요. 연결어(therefore, so, because 등)를 사용해 논리성을 높이세요.

例: I enjoy watching Netflix in my free time. I usually watch shows on my phone to relax after a long day because it helps me unwind. For example, I often binge one or two episodes of a comedy series before bed, which makes me feel less stressed.

提案: 과거를 말할 때 시제 일관성이 필요합니다. 'is was' 같은 오류를 고치고, 더 자연스럽게 연결어를 사용해 이유와 빈도를 명확히 표현하세요. 또한 세부사항(어떤 종류의 수영, 대회 경험 등)을 추가하면 답변이 구체적이고 설득력 있게 됩니다.

例: When I was a child, swimming was my main hobby because my mother signed me up for lessons. I took lessons for several years and enjoyed going to the pool about once a week. I especially liked practicing the freestyle stroke and improving my speed.

提案: 문장이 장황하고 반복이 있으며 문법적으로 어색합니다('when as a child', 'first child child'). 논리적 흐름을 간결하게 정리하고 시제와 표현을 정확히 사용하세요. 필요하면 배경 설명은 한두 문장으로 줄이고 핵심(어떤 취미인지, 지속 기간)을 분명히 하세요.

例: Yes, swimming has been a hobby of mine since childhood. I took lessons for several years as a child and then resumed swimming after I had my first child, so it has remained important to me over the years.

提案: 문법(시제, 관사, 복수형)과 어순 오류가 많습니다('had' 대신 'has', 'when before' 불필요 중복). 문장을 짧고 명확하게 나누고, 빈도와 이유를 자연스럽게 연결하세요. 예: 'We swim together once a week to stay healthy.' 같은 간결한 문장 사용.

例: Yes. My husband and I both enjoy swimming. Before we got married, he took lessons with me, and now we try to swim together once a week for about half an hour to stay healthy.

× Watching Netflix is my hobby these days.

✓ Watching Netflix is my hobby these days.

The sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. Using the gerund 'Watching' as subject is correct. Suggestion: you can add 'these days' at end for emphasis as already present.

× When I wanna relive my stress, I just turn on my phone and watch Netflix without any hesitation or. Yeah.

✓ When I want to relieve my stress, I just turn on my phone and watch Netflix without any hesitation.

Errors: 'wanna' is informal and 'relive my stress' is incorrect; use 'relieve my stress'. The sentence ended with an extra 'or.' and 'Yeah' is unnecessary. Suggestion: use 'want to' in formal speech and 'relieve' meaning reduce stress, and remove trailing filler words.

× As a child, swimming is was my hobby.

✓ As a child, swimming was my hobby.

The sentence incorrectly combines present and past verbs ('is was'). Use simple past 'was' to match 'As a child'. Suggestion: use past tense consistently for past time frames.

× My mom took me to swimming course so I've learned several years.

✓ My mom took me to a swimming course, so I attended it for several years.

Missing article before 'swimming course' and incorrect tense/verb 'I've learned several years'. Use 'a' before countable singular noun and use 'attended/learned' with correct time expression. Suggestion: 'attended it for several years' or 'I learned to swim for several years.'

× At the time I really enjoyed swimming so I went to swimming pool once a week.

✓ At that time I really enjoyed swimming, so I went to the swimming pool once a week.

Missing article 'the' before 'swimming pool' and better temporal phrase is 'At that time'. Also needs comma before 'so'. Suggestion: include articles and punctuation.

× To give you background a little, I took a swimming lesson for several years when as a child, after giving my first child child, I took another swimming lesson for myself.

✓ To give you a little background, I took swimming lessons for several years as a child, and after having my first child I took swimming lessons again for myself.

Problems: word order ('background a little'), awkward clause order ('when as a child'), repetition 'child child', and wrong verb 'giving' instead of 'having'. Use 'a little background', plural 'lessons', and chronological connectors. Suggestion: simplify and correct verb for childbirth: 'after having my first child'.

× So swimming is my hobby.

✓ So swimming is my hobby.

This sentence is correct. Using noun 'swimming' as hobby is proper. No change needed.

× Yes my husband had the same hobby as swimming when before we get married he took a swimming classes with me.

✓ Yes, my husband has the same hobby of swimming; before we got married, he took swimming classes with me.

Errors: tense inconsistency ('had' vs present situation), word order 'same hobby as swimming' should be 'hobby of swimming', 'when before' is redundant, and 'we get married' should be past 'we got married', 'a swimming classes' wrong article/number. Suggestion: maintain present tense if still true and correct articles and verb forms.

× So he's a hobby is swimming as well and also we enjoy the swimming once a week it half hour health.

✓ So his hobby is swimming as well, and we also enjoy swimming once a week for half an hour for our health.

Problems: redundant phrasing 'he's a hobby is', incorrect articles 'the swimming', awkward time phrase 'it half hour health'. Correction: 'his hobby is', remove 'the', and express duration 'for half an hour' and purpose 'for our health'. Suggestion: use clear possessive 'his' and standard time expressions.