Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and give one or two specific details about a hobby using a linking word. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I have several hobbies, including swimming, listening to music and reading. For example, I usually swim three times a week to stay fit, and I enjoy listening to alternative music when I study.

提案: Use correct tense and avoid repetition. Begin with a topic sentence in past tense, then give specific supporting details and use linking words (e.g., "for example", "also"). Fix grammar (books, liked, helped).

例: Yes, when I was a child I enjoyed swimming and reading. For example, I took swimming lessons every summer, which helped me relax and stay healthy, and I often read adventure books before bed.

提案: Avoid fillers and hesitations. Give a direct topic sentence, then one specific reason and an example with correct tense. Keep it fluent and under five sentences.

例: Yes, I have kept reading books since childhood. It has always helped me relax and focus; for instance, I still read at least one novel every month to unwind.

提案: Correct grammar and expand slightly with a linking word. Start with a clear topic sentence, then explain how the shared hobby affects your relationship using a specific example.

例: Yes, my sister and I both enjoy swimming because it helps us relax and brings us closer. For example, we swim together every weekend and use that time to catch up and support each other.

× Yes, I have so many many hobbies like swimming, listening to music or reading books.

✓ Yes, I have so many hobbies, like swimming, listening to music, and reading books.

The phrase 'so many many hobbies' is repetitive; remove duplicate 'many'. Also use a comma before 'and' in a list and ensure parallel structure. 'Like' introduces examples, so list items should be separated by commas for clarity. Suggestion: Say 'I have many hobbies, such as swimming, listening to music, and reading books.'

× When I was a child I had some hobbies including swimming or reading book.

✓ When I was a child, I had some hobbies including swimming and reading books.

Use 'and' instead of 'or' when listing multiple hobbies in this context. 'Reading book' is missing plural noun; use 'reading books'. Also add a comma after the introductory clause. Suggestion: Use parallel nouns and conjunctions: 'including swimming and reading books.'

× I especially enjoy swimming because it helped me relax and keeps me fit.

✓ I especially enjoy swimming because it helps me relax and keeps me fit.

The sentence mixes past ('helped') and present ('enjoy', 'keeps'). Maintain present tense to match 'I especially enjoy': change 'helped' to 'helps'. Suggestion: Keep verbs in the same time frame: 'enjoy... because it helps... and keeps...'.

× And in the past I really like reading book.

✓ And in the past I really liked reading books.

Use past tense 'liked' to match 'in the past'. 'Reading book' should be 'reading books' (plural) or 'reading a book' (singular). Also 'And' at the start can be kept conversationally; add a comma if desired. Suggestion: Say 'In the past, I really liked reading books.'

× Yes, umm, since you hold on, uh, let me see. I think reading books because it helped me relax and focus.

✓ Yes, umm, since childhood, let me see. I think reading books has helped me relax and focus.

The original is disfluent and uses 'helped' (past) with unclear time reference 'since'. For actions continuing from the past to now, use present perfect 'has helped'. Also replace 'since you hold on' (incorrect phrase) with 'since childhood' to answer the question directly. Suggestion: Use clear time expressions and present perfect for continuing states: 'I've had a hobby of reading books since childhood; it has helped me relax and focus.'

× My sister and I really enjoy swimming because it's help us relax and strengthen family bonds.

✓ My sister and I really enjoy swimming because it helps us relax and strengthens family bonds.

After contraction 'it's' meaning 'it' requires third person singular verb 'helps' not 'help'. Also 'strengthen' should be 'strengthens' to agree with singular subject 'swimming' (the activity) or rephrase: 'because it helps us relax and strengthens our family bonds.' Suggestion: Ensure subject-verb agreement in third person singular: 'it helps... and strengthens...'.