Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Reduce repetition (e.g., saying 'writing novels' twice) and replace hesitation ('uh') with a brief pause. Use varied vocabulary such as 'landscapes' instead of repeating 'sceneries.'

例: I enjoy writing books, especially novels, which I often work on in my free time. In particular, I love world-building because it lets me create detailed settings and cultures. Besides writing, I also enjoy drawing landscapes, which helps me visualise the scenes in my stories.

提案: Provide a clearer topic sentence and correct vocabulary; avoid repetition and unclear words (e.g., 'gatoes' and 'ridicule' seem incorrect). Use linking words to list examples and describe why you enjoyed cooking. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use more precise words like 'cakes' or 'pastries.'

例: Yes. As a child I loved baking and experimenting in the kitchen. For example, I often made cakes, cookies and muffins, and I enjoyed trying new recipes because baking felt creative and rewarding.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and use linking words to explain how the hobby influenced you. Avoid vague phrasing like 'making me the strong person' — be specific about effects (e.g., discipline, creativity, career). Keep sentences natural and limit to four sentences.

例: Yes, writing has been my hobby since childhood. Over the years it developed into a full-time career, and as a result I have become more disciplined and confident in sharing my ideas. Writing regularly has also improved my creativity and problem-solving skills.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details and a linking word to explain how you and your mother share the hobby. Avoid repeating 'usually' and use varied verbs (e.g., 'we hold writing sessions'). Mention a brief example of what you do together to make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, my mother and I share an interest in writing. For example, we often hold joint writing sessions where we work on short stories, poems and journal entries, which is both motivating and rewarding.

× Writing novels and world building is my favorite thing to do.

✓ Writing novels and world-building is my favorite thing to do.

The compound noun 'world building' should be hyphenated or written as 'world-building' when used as a noun modifier; additionally, the subject 'Writing novels and world-building' is a compound gerund phrase and should be treated as singular, so keep 'is'. Use a hyphen to clarify the compound term and improve readability.

× I was I was a cook and I cooked many things like gatoes and sweets and cookies, muffins, things like that.

✓ I was a cook and I cooked many things like cakes, sweets, cookies and muffins.

The repetition 'I was I was' is a fluency error; remove the duplicate. 'Gatoes' is not an English word; likely intended 'cakes'. List items should be parallel and separated properly with commas and 'and' before the last item. These are word choice and redundancy issues; corrected to proper nouns and parallel structure.

× It was pretty enjoyable and ridicule.

✓ It was pretty enjoyable and delightful.

'Ridicule' is a noun meaning 'mockery' and does not fit here. The speaker likely meant a positive adjective such as 'delightful' or 'fun'. Replace the incorrect noun with an appropriate adjective to match 'enjoyable'.

× It was an absolute fun.

✓ It was absolute fun.

The phrase 'an absolute fun' is incorrect because 'fun' is an uncountable noun and does not take the indefinite article 'an' in this sense. Remove 'an' or rephrase as 'an absolute blast' if a countable noun is intended.

× Writing books was always my rewarding hobby that I used to do since I was a child.

✓ Writing books has always been my rewarding hobby since I was a child.

The original mixes past simple 'was' with 'used to' and 'since', which requires present perfect. Use present perfect 'has always been' with 'since' to indicate an activity that began in the past and continues to the present. Remove 'used to' because it indicates a past habit no longer true.

× This hobby is my full time job right now and it has affected me a lot making me the strong person.

✓ This hobby is my full-time job right now and it has affected me a lot, making me a stronger person.

Compound adjective 'full-time' needs a hyphen. The phrase 'making me the strong person' is unidiomatic; use 'making me a stronger person' to show comparative improvement. Add a comma before the participial phrase 'making me...' for correct punctuation.

× Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?

✓ Do you have the same hobbies as your family members?

This sentence is correct as written; no grammatical correction needed. Included for completeness: 'as' is the correct preposition for comparison here.

× Yes, I do have a hobby as my mother.

✓ Yes, I have the same hobby as my mother.

The original 'a hobby as my mother' is ungrammatical. Use 'the same hobby as my mother' to indicate shared hobby. Also 'do have' is unnecessary for affirmative response; 'I have' is more natural.

× We usually write like creative writing and journaling, short stories, poetry.

✓ We usually do creative writing and journaling: short stories and poetry.

The phrase 'write like creative writing' is awkward. Use 'do creative writing' or 'write creatively'. Also make list parallel: 'short stories and poetry'. Replace 'like' with clearer structure.

× We usually do a writing session together and it is quite rewarding.

✓ We usually have a writing session together and it is quite rewarding.

'Do a writing session' is understandable but 'have a writing session' or 'hold a writing session' is more natural collocation in English. The correction improves natural usage while keeping present-tense habitual aspect.