Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words. Also correct pronoun/tense mistakes (e.g., “it can help me relax” and remove repeated words).

例: I have several hobbies, and running is my favourite. For example, I run along the river on weekends because the scenery helps me relax and gives me time to reflect on my day.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and more precise supporting details. Use past tense consistently and avoid repetition (‘fantasy’ twice). Add a linking word to connect the habit and preference. Give a short example of a favourite book or character to be specific.

例: Yes, I loved reading as a child. For years I visited the local library every morning with my parents, and I spent a few hours reading mostly fantasy novels, such as The Chronicles of Narnia, which sparked my imagination.

提案: Remove fillers and tautology (“relax myself” / “free myself”). Use consistent tense when describing past and present habits. Add a linking word and a specific example of a game or routine to make the answer concrete.

例: Yes — gaming is a hobby I've kept since childhood. For instance, I often play strategy games like Civilization with my brother for about an hour each evening to unwind after studying.

提案: Correct sentence structure and vocabulary errors, and be concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give a specific routine and one clear reason why you enjoy it. Use proper words (e.g., ‘the view is breathtaking’) and avoid fragmented clauses.

例: Yes, my father and I share a love of running. For example, every weekend we run along the seaside because the fresh air and beautiful views make our workouts enjoyable and relaxing.

× Yes I have a lot of hobbies and running is one of them because I enjoy running while watching the views beside me and I think while running I it can help me to relax and also allow me to think on think about what what happened.

✓ Yes, I have a lot of hobbies, and running is one of them because I enjoy running while watching the view beside me, and I think running can help me relax and also allow me to think about what happened.

Errors include unnecessary extra words and incorrect verb forms. 'while running I it can help me to relax' contains an extra subject 'I' and pronoun 'it'; remove them and use 'running can help me relax'. 'think on think about' is redundant; use 'think about'. Use singular 'view' or 'the view' when referring to scenery beside you. Add commas for clarity and remove the unnecessary 'to' after 'help me'. Suggested improvement: read the sentence aloud, remove repeated words, and simplify clauses to keep subject-verb structure clear.

× Yes, when I was a child I enjoyed reading a lot so I used to follow my parents and go to the library to read every single morning for like a few hours.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I enjoyed reading a lot, so I used to follow my parents and go to the library to read every morning for a few hours.

Minor issues: 'every single morning' is wordy and 'for like a few hours' uses informal filler 'like'. Use past habitual 'used to' correctly; keep 'every morning' and 'for a few hours' to match past tense. Suggested improvement: avoid fillers like 'like' in formal speech and keep adverb phrases concise.

× And the books I enjoy the most are fantasies fantasy type genres.

✓ The books I enjoy the most are fantasy-type genres.

Redundancy and incorrect adjective form: 'fantasies' (plural noun) and 'fantasy type' repeated. Use 'fantasy-type' as a compound adjective describing 'genres'. Suggested improvement: choose either the noun ('fantasies') or the adjective form with 'type' and avoid repetition.

× Uh, definitely gaming. I love gaming a lot because it allows me to relax myself and free myself from the stress of studying every single day. So I usually played video games with my brother every day for one hour.

✓ Uh, definitely gaming. I love gaming a lot because it allows me to relax and free myself from the stress of studying every day. So I usually play video games with my brother for one hour every day.

Mixed tenses: the speaker uses present ('allows') then switches to past ('played') when describing a habitual present action. Use present simple 'usually play' for habitual actions. Also 'relax myself' is acceptable but redundant; 'relax' is more natural. Move 'for one hour' after 'play' for clearer word order. Suggested improvement: keep tense consistent when describing current habits and use simpler verb forms.

× Yes, my dad and I both love doing sports, especially running, so during the weekends we usually go to run together by the seaside and watching the scenery.

✓ Yes, my dad and I both love doing sports, especially running, so during the weekends we usually run together by the seaside and watch the scenery.

Incorrect verb forms and parallel structure: 'go to run together' is incorrect; use 'run together' or 'go for a run together'. 'and watching the scenery' should be 'and watch the scenery' to maintain parallel verb forms. Suggested improvement: keep verbs parallel and choose natural verb phrases like 'run together' or 'go for a run'.

× The sea feels together is absolutely amazing and the few are breath.

✓ The view of the sea is absolutely amazing and the fresh sea breeze is breathtaking.

Sentence is ungrammatical and contains wrong words: 'feels together' makes no sense; likely intended 'the view of the sea' or 'being together by the sea feels amazing'. 'the few are breath' seems to attempt 'the view is breathtaking' or 'the sea breeze is refreshing'. Provide a clear, grammatical alternative using correct nouns and adjectives: 'view', 'breeze', 'breathtaking'. Suggested improvement: identify intended meaning, then use standard collocations like 'the view is amazing' and 'the sea breeze is refreshing'.