Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear, relevant and gives useful examples, but there is some redundancy and slightly long phrasing. To improve, make the topic sentence concise, use one or two linking words to connect supporting points, and vary vocabulary to avoid repeating similar ideas (e.g., ‘relax’ and ‘calm’). Keep within 3–4 sentences to sound more natural.

例: I enjoy dancing, playing the guitar, and listening to music. These hobbies boost my confidence and help me relax: practicing guitar sharpens my concentration, while listening to music helps me unwind after a busy day and dancing lifts my mood.

提案: The response answers the question but has hesitation (umm), some repetition and an informal phrase (‘more seen’) that is vague. Improve by giving a clear topic sentence, removing filler words, and adding one specific detail about what you drew or why it mattered to you. Use linking words if you add another supporting point.

例: Yes, I used to enjoy drawing as a child. I often sketched animals and scenes from storybooks because drawing helped me express my ideas and made me feel understood.

提案: Good content—you directly answer and give reasons—but the delivery has pauses and minor grammar issues (subject-verb agreement and phrasing like ‘on a paper’). Improve by combining short fragments into one or two fluid sentences, removing fillers, and correcting grammar. Add a specific example of what you draw or how often you draw to enrich the reply.

例: Yes, I still love drawing. It helps me relax and feel understood because I can express my thoughts on paper; for example, I often draw landscapes or characters when I have free time.

提案: Your answer addresses the question and introduces an interpersonal point, but the phrasing is slightly awkward (’keep each other feel more valuable’). Improve by making the structure clearer: state whether hobbies are the same, then briefly explain how you support each other. Use concise linking words and correct collocations (e.g., ‘make each other feel valued’).

例: No, our hobbies are quite different, but we respect each other’s interests. For instance, when a family member performs or shares their work, we praise them to make each other feel valued.

× I did and it was drawing.

✓ I did, and it was drawing.

Comma needed before coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses. This is a sentence punctuation issue tied to sentence structure; adding the comma clarifies the past tense statement and improves readability. Suggestion: place a comma before 'and' when connecting two independent clauses.

× I love putting my thoughts and ideas into a a doodle or like umm an image because it makes me feel more seen.

✓ I love putting my thoughts and ideas into a doodle or, like, an image because it makes me feel more seen.

There is a duplicated article 'a a' and missing punctuation around the filler 'like'. Remove the extra 'a' and add commas to set off the parenthetical 'like'. Also keep the indefinite article 'a' before singular countable noun 'doodle' and 'an' before vowel-starting 'image'. Suggestion: Proofread for repeated words and punctuate fillers with commas.

× I actually do. I love drawing. Until now.

✓ I actually do; I have loved drawing until now.

'Until now' cannot stand alone as a sentence fragment. To convey a continuous hobby from childhood to the present, combine clauses and use present perfect 'have loved' with 'until now'. The original has sentence fragments; restructure to form a complete sentence. Suggestion: Avoid sentence fragments by combining or completing them.

× It makes me umm, feel more understood and help me relax by expressing my ideas and my thoughts on a paper.

✓ It makes me feel more understood and helps me relax by expressing my ideas and thoughts on paper.

Subject-verb agreement and parallelism errors: 'It' requires third-person singular verb 'helps', not 'help'. Also remove filler 'umm' and the article 'a' before 'paper' is unnecessary when speaking generally. Maintain parallel structure: 'makes me feel' and 'helps me relax'. Suggestion: Ensure verbs agree with subject and keep coordinated verbs parallel.

× We actually have totally different interests when it comes to hobbies, but even if we have differences, we still know how to understand and keep each other feel more valuable.

✓ We actually have totally different interests when it comes to hobbies, but even though we have differences, we still know how to understand and make each other feel more valued.

Problems: use 'even though' (better conjunction) instead of 'even if' for factual contrast; 'keep each other feel' is ungrammatical — use 'make each other feel'. Also 'valuable' is acceptable but 'valued' (past participle adjective) better expresses feeling appreciated. Suggestion: Use appropriate conjunctions for contrast, correct verb phrases ('make someone feel'), and choose the right adjective form ('valued').