Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundant words (e.g., "most prominent dominant", "most permanent"), correct grammar ("aircraft" is uncountable or plural "aircraft"), and use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "Also" or "Besides"). Limit to about 2–4 sentences and give one or two specific details or examples.

例: I have two main hobbies. I enjoy drawing, especially cars and military aircraft, and I often practice by copying photographs and sketches. Also, I like translating English songs into Mandarin and singing them; recently I translated a popular pop song and performed it for my friends.

提案: Make your answer clearer and fix awkward phrasing. Begin with a direct statement, then give specific examples and reasons. Use linking words like "for example" or "such as". Clarify what you mean by "as far as Germany" and correct "read books and Mandarin Chinese" to "read books in Mandarin about" if intended.

例: Yes. As a child I loved reading books about foreign countries. For example, I read many books about Vietnam and Germany because I was curious about their history and culture. I usually read these books in Mandarin and collected maps and photos.

提案: Be more accurate and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence like "Yes, I have" and explain what you do with specific examples. Remove contradictory phrases and awkward words. Use linking words like "for example" and explain why you enjoy it. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes. Since childhood I have enjoyed practicing writing in different languages even when I don't fully understand them. For example, I often copy Thai and Arabic scripts to learn the letter shapes because I find the handwriting styles interesting.

提案: Combine short fragments into full, natural sentences and give a brief explanation. Use linking words like "however" or "but" to contrast your interests with your family's. Avoid sentence fragments and repetition.

例: Not really. My family enjoy playing computer games and singing Mandarin pop songs, but I'm not interested in gaming or karaoke. Instead, I prefer quieter hobbies like drawing and translating songs.

× My most prominent dominant hobby is drawing.

✓ My most prominent hobby is drawing.

Using both 'prominent' and 'dominant' is redundant; they are adjectives with similar meanings. Choose one to make the sentence concise. Suggestion: use a single adjective that conveys your intended emphasis (e.g., 'most prominent' or 'dominant').

× I like to draw images of both civilian and military automobiles and aircrafts.

✓ I like to draw images of both civilian and military automobiles and aircraft.

The noun 'aircraft' is the same in singular and plural form. Using 'aircrafts' is incorrect in standard English. Use 'aircraft' for the plural as well.

× And my second most permanent hobby is saying I like to translate English songs into Mandarin and sing them.

✓ My second most lasting hobby is translating English songs into Mandarin and singing them.

'Most permanent' is unnatural; 'lasting' or 'longstanding' works better. Also use gerund forms 'translating' and 'singing' after 'hobby is' to express habitual activities.

× I was particularly interested in Vietnam as far as Germany.

✓ I was particularly interested in Vietnam as well as Germany.

'As far as' is incorrect here; the correct phrase to link two items is 'as well as'. Maintain past tense 'was' because the question asked about childhood.

× So I like to read books and Mandarin Chinese about these two countries.

✓ So I liked to read books and materials in Mandarin Chinese about these two countries.

The original mixes present tense with past context and uses 'and' awkwardly. Use past tense 'liked' to match earlier 'was', and specify 'materials in Mandarin Chinese' rather than 'and Mandarin Chinese' to show language of the materials.

× Yes, I like to write an different languages even though I may not even understand them.

✓ Yes, I like to write in different languages even though I may not understand them.

Use the preposition 'in' with 'write' to indicate language. 'An' is incorrect before 'different' (which starts with a consonant sound) and unnecessary. Remove the second 'even' for clarity.

× For example, I like to practice the writing and Thai.

✓ For example, I like to practice writing in Thai.

Use 'practice writing in [language]' to indicate the activity and the language. 'The writing and Thai' is incorrect phrase order and article use.

× As well as Arabic, although I don't understand both languages, it's both.

✓ I also try Arabic, although I don't understand either language very well.

'As well as Arabic' should be integrated into the sentence; use 'also' or 'I also try Arabic.' Use 'either' (not 'both') when referring to two items in a negative context. 'It's both' is ungrammatical and unclear.

× It's a bit of eccentric.

✓ It's a bit eccentric.

'Eccentric' is an adjective; do not use 'of' after 'a bit of' unless followed by a noun (e.g., 'a bit of an eccentric habit'). Use 'a bit eccentric' to modify the idea.

× Not necessarily. My family members like to play computer games. Which I'm not interested at all.

✓ Not necessarily. My family members like to play computer games, which I'm not interested in at all.

The fragment 'Which I'm not interested at all.' is incorrect sentence structure. Combine with the previous sentence and use correct preposition 'interested in' and place 'at all' at end for emphasis.

× And furthermore, they like to sing songs of Mandarin Chinese without changing the lyric, which I'm not interested.

✓ Furthermore, they like to sing Mandarin songs without changing the lyrics, which doesn't interest me.

Use 'Mandarin songs' or 'songs in Mandarin' instead of 'songs of Mandarin Chinese.' 'Lyric' should be plural 'lyrics.' The expression 'I'm not interested' is awkward here; 'which doesn't interest me' is more natural.