Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more organized: start with a concise topic sentence, then give two brief supporting details using linking words. Avoid hesitations and incorrect phrases (e.g., “I need from” → unclear). Mention frequency and one specific benefit or example to make the answer more natural and informative.

例: I enjoy knitting. In my free time I usually knit scarves and small toys, and I sell some of them to save money. Because it relaxes me and helps me earn a little extra income, I try to knit several times a week.

提案: Reduce hesitation and simplify structure: start with a direct topic sentence, then add one specific detail and a reason. Use linking words like “because” or “so” appropriately and correct small grammar errors (e.g., “household chores”).

例: Yes, I used to read stories to my younger siblings when I was a child. Because my mother was often busy with household chores, I read to them every afternoon to keep them entertained and help them sleep.

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words: begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct collocations (e.g., “gives me relaxation” → “helps me relax” or “relaxes me”).

例: Yes, I have enjoyed reading since childhood. Whenever I have free time I read new books and often discuss them with friends or my sisters, which helps me relax and understand different perspectives.

提案: Make the answer slightly more fluent and precise: start with a direct statement, use linking words (e.g., “however” or “but”), name genres correctly (e.g., “crime fiction”), and avoid fillers. Provide one brief example to illustrate differences.

例: Yes, many members of my family enjoy reading, but we prefer different genres. For example, I like non-fiction, my sister prefers crime fiction, and my mother often rereads classic novels.

× Sure, I love knitting I need from it's great and I try to do it when I have free time and also I had uh, save money from selling my crafts.

✓ Sure, I love knitting; it's great and I try to do it when I have free time, and I have also saved money by selling my crafts.

The original sentence has run-on structure and incorrect verb forms. Use a semicolon or period to separate independent clauses. 'I need from it's great' is unclear and likely intended as 'it's great'. 'I had uh, save money' mixes past 'had' with base verb 'save'—use present perfect 'have saved' or simple past 'saved' depending on meaning. Use 'by selling' to indicate the means. Grammar problem type ID:26.

× As far as I recall, I used to, uh, read some stories to my little sisters and the brothers because when my mother was working or doing, uh, households cares, I should, uh, look after them.

✓ As far as I recall, I used to read stories to my little sisters and brothers because when my mother was working or doing household chores, I had to look after them.

Use 'used to' plus base verb 'read' (already correct). 'The brothers' is unnecessary; use 'brothers'. 'Households cares' is incorrect phrase; correct is 'household chores'. Modal 'should' is inappropriate for past obligation; use 'had to' for past necessity. Remove filler words. Grammar problem type ID:5.

× Yeah, maybe it's reading, because whenever I have time I try to read new books and grasp the meaning and discuss it with my friends or sisters and I really enjoy it and, uh, it gives me relax.

✓ Yeah, maybe it's reading, because whenever I have time I try to read new books, grasp their meaning, and discuss them with my friends or sisters. I really enjoy it and it relaxes me.

Use parallel verb forms: 'read new books, grasp their meaning, and discuss them'. 'Grasp the meaning' should match plural 'books' as 'their meaning'. 'It gives me relax' is incorrect; use 'it relaxes me' or 'it gives me relaxation'. Grammar problem type ID:6.

× Yes, I can see that in my family. My mother and my little siblings also love reading in the free time, uh, but each one has its uh, own uh, favorite genre.

✓ Yes, I can see that in my family. My mother and my younger siblings also love reading in their free time, but each one has their own favorite genre.

Use 'in their free time' or more commonly 'in their free time' is acceptable but 'in the free time' is unnatural; use 'in their free time'. 'Little siblings' is awkward; 'younger siblings' is better. Use 'their' rather than singular 'his/her' to match 'each one has their own' which is acceptable in modern English. Grammar problem type ID:11.

× For example, I love non fiction, my sister loves umm, criminal and my mother uh, re reads novels.

✓ For example, I love non-fiction; my sister likes crime fiction, and my mother rereads novels.

Use 'non-fiction' with a hyphen. 'Criminal' is the adjective; the intended noun is 'crime fiction' or 'crime novels'. 'Re reads' should be 'rereads' as one word. Also separate clauses with semicolons or commas plus conjunction. Grammar problem type ID:13