Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 어색한 부분과 문법 오류(예: 진행형, 동사 형태, 관사 누락)를 고치고, 불필요한 중복(crew members 반복)을 줄이세요. 응답은 주제문으로 직접 시작하고, supporting detail을 2문장 이내로 연결어(so, because, and)로 간결하게 제시하세요. 발음의 머뭇거림(uh)도 줄이도록 연습하세요.

例: Yes, I do. I usually run with my friends in my free time because it refreshes me and helps me unwind. We often go for a run together twice a week, which keeps me motivated.

提案: 문법과 표현(used to, 관사, 명사 형태)을 정확히 사용하세요. 중복되는 단어(usually I used to)와 불명확한 표현(divided the rule)은 구체적으로 설명하세요. 연결어(and, so, because)를 사용해 이유나 상황을 덧붙이되 3문장 이내로 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I did. When I was in elementary school, I used to practice singing and dancing with my friends. We rehearsed simple routines together and took turns leading the dances.

提案: 주제문을 명확히 하고 동사 선택을 고치세요(‘planning the flute’→‘playing the flute’). 현재완료 진행형 사용은 괜찮지만 문장 구조를 정리하고 ‘private tutor’ 같은 표현은 자연스럽게 연결하세요. 불필요한 단어 순서 오류를 제거하고, 구체적 빈도나 기간을 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I do. I have been playing the flute since I was a child and I still take lessons from a private tutor. I usually practice for about 30 minutes every day to improve my technique.

提案: 문장 연결과 논리적 흐름을 개선하세요(contrasting conjunction 위치). 중복 표현(we usually together and play the guitar together, it is one it is well one)과 축약형(fav) 사용을 피하고, 한두 문장으로 간결히 이유를 제시하세요.

例: Yes, I do. Although it's not my favorite hobby, my family and I often play the guitar together because it brings us closer. We usually have a short jam session on weekends.

× I usually running with my crew members in my free time.

✓ I usually run with my crew members in my free time.

'Usually' requires the base form of the verb for simple present habitual actions. The -ing form 'running' is incorrect here; use 'run' to express regular activity.

× It makes me feel refreshed and unwind my mind so I enjoy running or exercising with my crew members.

✓ It makes me feel refreshed and helps me unwind, so I enjoy running or exercising with my crew members.

Two verbs ('makes me feel' and 'unwind') need a connector; use 'helps me unwind' to correctly link ideas and maintain parallel structure. Also add a comma before 'so' for clarity.

× When I was an elementary school student, I usually I used to practice the singing or dancing with my friends.

✓ When I was an elementary school student, I usually used to practice singing or dancing with my friends.

Redundant 'I' should be removed and 'used to' already indicates past habitual action. Remove the article 'the' before plural gerunds 'singing' and 'dancing.'

× We usually, uh, divided the rule.

✓ We usually, uh, divided the roles.

'Rule' is incorrect; likely intended 'roles'. 'Roles' is the correct plural noun meaning parts or duties; 'divided the roles' describes splitting tasks.

× Since I was a child I have been planning the flute in my free time and practicing or training from my tutor.

✓ Since I was a child I have been playing the flute in my free time and practicing with my tutor.

'Planning the flute' is wrong; the correct verb is 'playing' for instruments. Use 'practicing with my tutor' rather than 'training from' which is unnatural here.

× Private tutor I is.

✓ I have a private tutor.

Original is ungrammatical word order. Use subject + auxiliary + noun: 'I have a private tutor.' to convey possession.

× Yes I do, even though it's not my first favorite hobby but we usually together and play the guitar together.

✓ Yes I do. Even though it's not my favorite hobby, we usually get together and play the guitar.

Run-on sentence and missing verb after 'we usually'. Split into two sentences, remove redundant 'first' and duplicate 'together'. Use 'get together' to indicate meeting.

× It is one it is well one of my fav family hobbies.

✓ It is one of my favorite family hobbies.

Redundant and fragmented phrasing. Simplify to a single clear clause and use 'favorite' instead of abbreviation 'fav.'