Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Melhore a naturalidade e a concisão. Comece com uma frase-topico clara, corrija tempos verbais e reduza redundâncias. Use uma conjunção para ligar ideias e adicione um detalhe específico sobre que tipo de pintura ou projetos de artesanato faz.

例: Yes, I enjoy painting and making handmade crafts. I have loved drawing and watercolour painting since childhood, inspired by my mother, and I often make small decorative items like painted wooden boxes.

提案: Torne a resposta mais natural e específica. Use uma frase-topico seguida por detalhes concisos e ligadores para explicar benefícios, com exemplos específicos (por exemplo, posições jogadas ou torneios).

例: Yes, I used to play soccer with my friends every afternoon after school. Playing as a midfielder in local matches helped me build strong friendships and develop teamwork and communication skills, especially during weekend tournaments.

提案: Corrija a estrutura e a gramática, evitando repetição. Comece com uma frase clara sobre o hobby e depois forneça detalhes específicos (quando começou, que tipo de escrita, e um exemplo concreto). Use conectores para fluidez.

例: I've always been passionate about writing and keeping journals. I started in high school and still write daily entries about my experiences, often attaching photos and making collages to record memories.

提案: Seja mais conciso e corrija pequenas incorreções (por exemplo, "inner family members"). Use uma frase-topico seguida por exemplos breves e um conector final que resuma a ideia.

例: Not really — we all have different interests. I enjoy writing, my brother swims competitively, my mother loves cooking traditional dishes, and my father goes to the gym regularly, so each of us pursues different hobbies.

× I have this hobby since I was a little kid and by influence of my mom I kept doing it.

✓ I have had this hobby since I was a little kid, and under the influence of my mom I kept doing it.

The original uses 'have' with a time expression 'since' which requires the present perfect ('have had'). Also 'by influence of my mom' is unnatural; use 'under the influence of my mom' or 'because of my mom'. Suggest using the present perfect to show an action that started in the past and continues to the present and a clearer prepositional phrase.

× That hobby allowed me to have a nice circle of friends and also to work on my personality, skills and social abilities.

✓ That hobby allowed me to build a nice circle of friends and also to develop my personality, skills, and social abilities.

The sentence used 'have a nice circle' which is grammatical but stylistically awkward; 'build' or 'develop' is more natural when describing forming friendships. 'Work on my personality' is better as 'develop my personality'. Also added Oxford comma for clarity.

× I have been always passionate about writing and writing on journals, so I started with developing this hobby when I was in high school and since then I still like to write about my day and make some collage glue some pictures.

✓ I have always been passionate about writing and keeping journals, so I started developing this hobby when I was in high school and since then I have continued to write about my day and make collages by gluing some pictures.

'Have been always' has incorrect word order; 'have always been' is correct for present perfect. 'Writing on journals' is incorrect; use 'keeping journals'. 'Started with developing' is redundant; use 'started developing'. 'Since then I still like' should be 'since then I have continued to' to match present perfect continuity. 'Make some collage glue some pictures' is ungrammatical; 'make collages by gluing some pictures' is correct.

× Not really, to be honest. All four inner family members have distinct personalities and also different interests from each other.

✓ Not really, to be honest. All four immediate family members have distinct personalities and different interests from one another.

'Inner family members' is incorrect; use 'immediate family members'. 'Different interests from each other' is awkward; prefer 'different interests from one another' or 'different interests.' The correction adjusts word choice and collocation.

× So each one of us have slightly different hobbies.

✓ So each one of us has slightly different hobbies.

With the subject 'each one' the verb should be singular: 'has' not 'have'. Use singular verb agreement with singular indefinite pronouns like 'each'.