Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like “every gossip I think I need” and correct grammar (e.g., “spend too much time” → use present simple or present continuous appropriately).

例: I enjoy watching videos on YouTube. For example, I follow channels about travel and cooking, so during summer holidays I often watch tutorials and travel vlogs to find new recipes and destinations.

提案: Clarify your meaning and use correct verbs. Give a clear topic sentence about the childhood hobby, then add a specific example with linking words. Avoid unclear phrases like “extremely keeping jams” and awkward phrasing.

例: Yes, I loved skipping rope when I was a child. For instance, every morning and afternoon my friends and I would go to the playground to practice different skipping games, which helped us stay active and have fun together.

提案: Make a clear, grammatical topic sentence and explain why the hobby continued. Avoid incorrect adjectives (e.g., “fairy tales are scientific”) and use linking words such as “because” and “therefore” to connect ideas. Provide a specific example of what you learned.

例: Yes, I have always enjoyed reading, especially fairy tales. Because they introduced me to different cultures and moral lessons, they broadened my imagination and taught me useful life lessons, such as the importance of courage and kindness.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details and a result. Fix grammar (use subject pronouns and correct tense) and avoid vague claims like “help our improve our life.” Use linking words like “for example” and “because.”

例: Yes, my younger sister and I both enjoy playing badminton. For example, during summer holidays we often play in the park in the mornings or afternoons, which keeps us fit and gives us a chance to spend quality time together.

× I spend too much time watching YouTube and some favorite features on website on online application, especially on summer holiday.

✓ I spend too much time watching YouTube and using some favorite features on websites or online applications, especially during the summer holidays.

Plural and count issues: 'website' and 'application' should be plural or preceded by an article; 'on online application' is incorrect preposition and singular form. Also 'summer holiday' should be 'the summer holidays' or 'during the summer holiday'. Suggestion: use plural nouns when referring generally (websites, applications) and use 'during' for time periods.

× You know, I always spend on time watching YouTube for every gossip I think I need to.

✓ You know, I always spend time watching YouTube for every piece of gossip I think I need to.

Incorrect verb phrase and word choice: 'spend on time' is wrong; correct collocation is 'spend time' followed by a gerund. Also 'gossip' is an uncountable noun and when counted use 'piece of gossip'. Suggestion: use correct collocations (spend time + -ing) and count expressions.

× Yes, I extremely keeping jams in my childhood.

✓ Yes, I used to keep jam jars a lot in my childhood.

Incorrect tense and verb form: 'extremely keeping' is ungrammatical. For habitual past actions use 'used to' or past simple. Also 'jams' is unclear—likely 'jam jars' or 'jams' as plural; add 'a lot' after verb. Suggestion: use 'used to' for repeated past actions and proper noun phrases.

× In the morning, early or in the afternoon, I, together with my peers who had a similar age with me, would go to the playground to skip jumps.

✓ In the early morning or in the afternoon, I and my peers of a similar age would go to the playground to skip rope.

Preposition and phrase accuracy: 'had a similar age with me' is incorrect; use 'of a similar age' or 'who were similar in age'. 'Skip jumps' is nonstandard; the correct phrase is 'skip rope' or 'jump rope'. Also reorder 'In the early morning' for naturalness. Suggestion: use standard prepositional phrases for age and standard collocations for activities.

× Of course, I like reading, especially fairy tales are scientific because it's helped me broaden my horizons.

✓ Of course, I like reading, especially fairy tales, because they have helped me broaden my horizons.

Tense and agreement issues: 'are scientific' is irrelevant and incorrect; 'it's helped' mixes singular contraction with plural subject. Use plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'fairy tales' and present perfect 'have helped' for an effect continuing to present. Suggestion: match subject and verb number and choose appropriate tense (present perfect for past impact on present).

× Moreover, it can teach for me a lot of practical experiences.

✓ Moreover, they have taught me a lot of practical lessons.

Pronoun and collocation errors: 'it' does not agree with plural 'fairy tales'; 'teach for me' is incorrect—use 'teach me'. 'Practical experiences' is awkward; use 'practical lessons' or 'practical knowledge'. Suggestion: ensure pronoun agreement and correct verb-object order (teach someone something).

× Both me and my younger sister after playing badminton so much.

✓ Both my younger sister and I used to play badminton a lot.

Pronoun case and sentence structure: 'Both me and my younger sister' uses incorrect subject pronoun; use 'my younger sister and I'. The sentence fragment 'after playing badminton so much' lacks clarity and verb—use 'used to play badminton a lot' for habitual past. Suggestion: use subject pronoun 'I' and complete the clause.

× For example, or in the morning or in the afternoon in up on summer holiday, we can go to the playground to play badminton together.

✓ For example, in the morning or in the afternoon during the summer holidays, we can go to the playground to play badminton together.

Preposition errors and word order: 'in up on summer holiday' is a mix of prepositions; use 'during the summer holidays'. Place time expressions in natural order: 'in the morning or in the afternoon during the summer holidays'. Suggestion: choose one correct preposition for time expressions (during for periods).

× Moreover, it can help our improve our life.

✓ Moreover, it can help improve our lives.

Pronoun and noun form errors: 'our improve our life' is ungrammatical and redundant. Use 'help improve our lives' or 'help us improve our lives'. Also 'it' should refer clearly to the activity (playing badminton); use 'it can help' is acceptable but follow with correct object. Suggestion: remove redundancy and ensure noun is plural when referring to multiple people.