Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and natural: avoid hesitations and incorrect words (e.g., 'delete books' is wrong). Start with a direct topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and focus on clarity and relevant vocabulary (e.g., 'read books', 'cook non-vegetarian dishes').

例: I do have a few hobbies. I enjoy reading books, especially biographies that help me understand society, and I like cooking when I am home alone. For example, I often prepare healthy non-vegetarian dishes and try new recipes to improve my cooking skills.

提案: Use past tense consistently and be concise. Begin with a clear topic sentence about childhood hobbies, then give a specific reason or short story using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'however'). Avoid repetition and awkward phrases like 'I do not know many knowledge'.

例: Yes. When I was a child, I wanted to be a cricketer and practiced playing in the street with friends. However, I lacked formal coaching and the right physique, so I eventually stopped pursuing it and focused on my studies instead.

提案: Be fluent and avoid filler words ('uh'). Use clear structure: topic sentence, supporting details with linking words and specificity (what kinds of books, how they helped). Keep it within 3–4 sentences and use present perfect or simple past when appropriate.

例: Yes, I have read since I was a child. Reading has always been my hobby and it helped improve my academic knowledge. Nowadays I especially enjoy biographies because they teach me about different people and leadership styles.

提案: Answer directly and concisely. Use clear reasons and specific comparisons rather than repeating. Start with a topic sentence, then add one or two specific contrasts using linking words like 'because' or 'while'.

例: No, my hobbies are different from my family’s. For example, I enjoy reading and cooking, while my parents prefer gardening and watching sports, so we usually spend free time on different activities.

× Yes, I have hobbies like uh I usually like to delete books and also like to cook food whenever I am alone at home.

✓ Yes, I have hobbies. I usually like to read books and also like to cook when I am alone at home.

The student used 'delete books' which is incorrect word choice; the intended verb is 'read'. The original sentence is also run-on and informal. Split into two sentences and replace 'delete' with 'read' and remove redundant 'food' after 'cook'. Use present simple 'I usually like' for habitual actions.

× I cook different types of non vegetarian foods that are very good for our health and reading books that enhance our experience about our society.

✓ I cook different types of non-vegetarian food that are healthy, and I read books that expand my understanding of society.

Subject-verb agreement and sentence structure issues: 'non vegetarian foods' should be 'non-vegetarian food' (hyphenated and often uncountable), 'that are very good for our health' is awkward; 'healthy' is better. The second clause used a noun phrase 'reading books' incorrectly attached; convert to parallel verb 'I read books' and use 'expand my understanding of society' for clarity.

× Yes, I have a couple of hobbies when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a couple of hobbies when I was a child.

Tense error: the time phrase 'when I was a child' requires past tense 'had' rather than present 'have'.

× In childhood, I would like to become a cricketer.

✓ When I was a child, I wanted to become a cricketer.

Incorrect tense/modal: 'would like to' expresses present desire; use past 'wanted to' to match 'in childhood'. Also 'In childhood' is unnatural; 'When I was a child' is correct.

× Moreover, I do not know many knowledge about how to become a cricketer, but I have a dream to become a cricketer.

✓ Moreover, I did not have much knowledge about how to become a cricketer, but I dreamed of becoming one.

Tense and word choice: 'do not know many knowledge' is ungrammatical ('knowledge' is uncountable; use 'much knowledge') and tense should be past 'did not have' to match childhood. 'Have a dream to become' is awkward; use 'dreamed of becoming'.

× As a result, I do not become a cricketer because I do not match with that profile.

✓ As a result, I did not become a cricketer because I did not fit that profile.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: Use past tense 'did not become' and 'did not fit'. 'Match with that profile' is incorrect collocation; 'fit that profile' is the correct phrasing.

× Yes, I have a whole business childhood.

✓ Yes, I had a childhood full of books and learning.

Sentence structure and word choice: 'a whole business childhood' is nonsensical. Likely intended to express a childhood centered on reading; rephrase to a clear, grammatical sentence. Use past tense 'had' for childhood.

× From childhood, I was reading a lot of books.

✓ From childhood, I read a lot of books.

Progressive past 'was reading' suggests an ongoing action at a specific time; for habitual past action, use simple past 'read'.

× So that's helped me to, uh, enhance my academic knowledge.

✓ That helped me to enhance my academic knowledge.

Tense consistency: Use past 'helped' to match earlier past context. Remove filler 'uh' and use a single clear clause.

× Uh, also from, uh, also, uh, in nowadays I like to read a lot of, uh, biography books.

✓ Nowadays I like to read a lot of biographies.

Tense and word form: 'in nowadays' is incorrect; use 'nowadays'. 'Biography books' is redundant; 'biographies' is the correct noun. Remove filler words and use present simple 'like' for current habit.

× No, I do not have the same hobby as my family members because personally I do not know about my family members hobby but my but I know that my hobby were totally different from my family members so that's why from my perspective I think so.

✓ No, I do not have the same hobbies as my family members because I do not really know their hobbies, but I know that my hobbies are totally different from theirs.

Pronoun and plurality errors: 'hobby' should be plural 'hobbies' to match 'family members'. 'My family members hobby' needs possessive or pluralization. 'My hobby were' is subject-verb agreement error; use 'my hobbies are'. Replace 'my family members' with pronoun 'theirs'. Improve sentence structure and remove redundant phrases.