Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence naming your main hobbies, then give one short specific detail about each. Avoid repetition like 'I do have' and the phrase 'for example' when listing your own hobbies.

例: I have several hobbies: I play the guitar, I enjoy drawing, and I often play online games. For instance, I practice guitar for about 30 minutes every day to learn new songs, and I usually draw portraits on weekends.

提案: Use correct tense and a single clear topic sentence. Replace awkward phrases like 'playing only games' and 'go outside and play' with more natural expressions. Add a brief specific detail about a favourite childhood activity and use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes. As a child, I mainly played games with my cousins and spent a lot of time playing outdoors with other kids. For example, we often played hide-and-seek in the neighborhood park after school.

提案: Good structure and clear answer. To improve, remove filler words like 'I think' and 'maybe', use precise age and add a specific supporting detail about how you practice or what you enjoy about it, with a linking phrase.

例: Yes. I have played the guitar since I was about ten years old, and I still enjoy it today. I practice two or three times a week to learn new techniques and I particularly enjoy learning songs by my favorite band.

提案: Be concise and avoid vague expressions like 'inherited my father's musical skills' unless you explain. Start with a direct sentence comparing your hobbies with family, then give a specific example of shared activities or how you influence each other, using a linking word.

例: Yes. I share musical interests with my father and enjoy drawing like my sister. For example, my father taught me basic chords on the guitar, and my sister and I often sketch together on weekends to improve our drawing skills.

× Yes, my hobbies when I was a child are playing only games with my cousins.

✓ When I was a child, my hobbies were only playing games with my cousins.

Tense and word order: The sentence begins with a past time marker 'when I was a child' so the verb should be in the past tense ('were' not 'are'). Also the position of the time phrase and the determiner 'only' should be adjusted for natural English: 'were only playing games' or better 'were only playing games with my cousins' becomes 'my hobbies were only playing games with my cousins.' Additionally, start the sentence with the time phrase for clarity.'

× And go outside and play with the other kids.

✓ I also went outside and played with the other kids.

Fragment and tense: The original is a sentence fragment lacking a subject and uses base verbs instead of past tense. Because the context is past ('when I was a child'), use past tense verbs 'went' and 'played' and include the subject 'I'. Also replace the conjunction 'And' with 'I also' or join with the previous sentence to form a complete sentence.'

× I think the hobby that I have since childhood is playing the guitar.

✓ I think the hobby I have had since childhood is playing the guitar.

Present perfect needed: 'since childhood' requires a present perfect form to link past to present, so 'have had' is more appropriate than simple 'have'. Also 'the hobby that I have had' can be shortened to 'the hobby I have had' for natural phrasing.'

× I started when I was maybe 10 or 11 and up until now I still play it and I enjoy it.

✓ I started when I was maybe 10 or 11, and up until now I still play it and enjoy it.

Punctuation and redundancy: Tense usage is acceptable, but add a comma before 'and' to join clauses and remove the redundant 'I' before 'enjoy it' for smoother English ('and enjoy it'). The phrase 'up until now' fits with 'still play'.'

× Yes, actually I do. I inherited my father's musical skills in terms of playing the guitar, while my sister loves to draw and I love to draw as well.

✓ Yes, actually I do. I inherited my father's musical skills in playing the guitar, while my sister loves to draw and I do too.

Pronoun and phrasing: 'in terms of' is wordy; 'in playing the guitar' is clearer. The final clause 'I love to draw as well' is acceptable but 'I do too' is more concise and natural. This corrects pronoun repetition and improves fluency.'