Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Work on clarity, grammar and coherence. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give two concise supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar mistakes (e.g., "relax out the railway, busy day at work and eat" unclear) and avoid redundancy. Use more specific vocabulary (e.g., "relieve stress" instead of "relax out"). Keep to a maximum of 4–5 sentences.

例: I have several hobbies, including reading, playing sports and listening to music. For example, I play football with friends every weekend, which helps me relieve stress after a busy workday. Hobbies also let me meet new people and learn teamwork and communication skills. For these reasons, I think everyone should have at least one hobby.

提案: This answer is fairly clear and specific but could be slightly more concise and correct minor word choice issues ("reading Comic" -> "reading comics"). Use linking phrases to connect ideas and keep within 4–5 sentences. Add a brief reason or an example to make one detail more vivid.

例: Yes, I had several hobbies as a child. I loved painting and writing because they let me express my creativity, and I often painted scenes from storybooks. I also played football with friends after school and spent weekends reading comics. My parents encouraged me to learn piano, which I appreciated because it improved my concentration.

提案: Improve grammar, sentence structure and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence: name the hobby and state you've had it since childhood. Use correct verb forms and concise supporting detail with linking words. Avoid vague or broken sentences.

例: Yes, I have had a hobby since childhood: painting. I have always enjoyed painting landscapes and portraits because it helps me relax after a busy day and lets me express my creativity. Over the years I have developed my skills by taking classes and practicing regularly.

提案: Clarify grammar and pronoun reference, and provide a coherent reason. Use correct verb forms and avoid filler words like "nothing." Give one specific example of a shared activity and explain why you enjoy it together.

例: Yes, we share several hobbies. For example, my brother and I both enjoy painting and listening to music; painting relaxes us after a busy day and music inspires new ideas. We often paint together at weekends, which helps us bond and exchange techniques.

× I have several hobbies such as reading, playing sports and listening to music.

✓ I have several hobbies such as reading, playing sports, and listening to music.

Comma placement: use a comma before 'and' in a list of three or more items (Oxford comma) for clarity. This is not strictly a grammatical number error but improves readability; no plural change needed.

× I find that having hobbies may relax out the railway, busy day at work and eat.

✓ I find that having hobbies can help me relax after a busy day at work and during my commute.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and contains wrong words ('relax out the railway', 'and eat'). Replace with clear verbs and appropriate prepositions: 'can help me relax' (modal+verb), 'after a busy day at work' (time phrase), 'during my commute' or similar. Use 'can' instead of 'may' for ability/effect.

× Also give me the chance to meet new people and learn new skills.

✓ They also give me the chance to meet new people and learn new skills.

Sentence lacks a subject. Add 'They' to refer to 'hobbies' (plural). Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'They give' not 'It gives'.

× Personally, I believe that everyone should have at least one hobby to keep up interesting.

✓ Personally, I believe that everyone should have at least one hobby to keep life interesting.

Phrase 'keep up interesting' is incorrect. Use 'keep life interesting' or 'keep oneself interested'. 'Keep' needs an object; 'life' fits context.

× I loved painting and writing because it allowed me to express my creativity.

✓ I loved painting and writing because they allowed me to express my creativity.

Pronoun reference: 'painting and writing' is plural, so use plural pronoun 'they' and plural verb 'allowed' remains. Original used singular 'it', which is incorrect.

× I also enjoyed playing football with my friends after school, and reading Comic was one of my favorite pastimes.

✓ I also enjoyed playing football with my friends after school, and reading comics was one of my favorite pastimes.

Count noun 'comic' used generically should be plural 'comics' when referring to comic books in general.

× My parents even encouraged me to learn piano, which I really appreciated.

✓ My parents even encouraged me to learn the piano, which I really appreciated.

When referring to learning a musical instrument, English commonly uses the definite article: 'learn the piano' or 'play the piano'.

× Yes, I have enjoyed finding such.

✓ Yes, I have enjoyed that since childhood.

Original phrase 'finding such' is ungrammatical and vague. Replace with 'that' referring to the hobby and add 'since childhood' to match the question about long-held hobbies.

× I was a child.

✓ When I was a child.

Standalone 'I was a child.' is grammatical but awkward in context; 'When I was a child' connects to the previous sentence meaningfully.

× I really enjoyed painting landscape and portrait.

✓ I really enjoyed painting landscapes and portraits.

Use plural nouns 'landscapes' and 'portraits' when speaking about the general types of paintings you enjoyed.

× I like this work because it gives me a relax after a busy day and express my creativity.

✓ I like this work because it helps me relax after a busy day and lets me express my creativity.

'Gives me a relax' is incorrect; use 'helps me relax'. Also ensure parallel verbs: 'helps me relax' and 'lets me express' with correct forms and subjects.

× My brother also like painting and listening to music because we both enjoyed it very much and it gives me relax after a busy day and nothing.

✓ My brother also likes painting and listening to music because we both enjoy them very much, and they help me relax after a busy day.

Subject-verb agreement: 'brother' requires 'likes'. Match tense and number: use present 'enjoy' to agree with 'we', plural pronoun 'them' for hobbies, and 'help' for plural subject. Remove 'and nothing' which is meaningless.