Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and correct grammar, reduce redundancy, and keep it within 3–4 well-formed sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, because/so). Correct verb forms and vocabulary (e.g., “hobby”, “I write”).

例: I enjoy journaling as a hobby. I write my feelings and memorable events in a notebook because it helps me process emotions and relax. For example, after a stressful day I write three things I’m grateful for, which makes me feel calmer and happier.

提案: Use past tense consistently and organize into a clear topic sentence plus supporting details. Use linking words (for example, ‘when’, ‘so’, ‘because’) and be specific about activities and frequency. Avoid repeating similar verbs and correct small errors (e.g., ‘played tag’, ‘we would play’).

例: Yes — when I was a child I loved playing outside with my friends. We played tag, hide-and-seek and climbed trees in the park every afternoon, so I was very active and happy. Those games helped me make friends and stay fit.

提案: Make a concise topic sentence and provide one or two specific supporting details with correct tenses and linking words (for example, ‘and’, ‘so’, ‘since’). Be specific about what you draw and how you practice the hobby now to show development over time.

例: Yes, I have kept drawing since I was a child. Back then I sketched pictures from storybooks in my sketchpad, and as an adult I still draw portraits and digital illustrations, so I’ve gradually improved my technique.

提案: Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, pronouns) and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then contrast differences using linking words (for example, ‘although’, ‘but’, ‘however’) and give specific examples of formats and sites. Avoid spelling errors (e.g., ‘Wattpad’).

例: Yes, my sister and I both enjoy reading, but we prefer different formats. Although she collects many physical books, I usually read online on Wattpad and AO3 because I like fanfiction and it’s convenient on my phone.

× Yes, I have E hubby.

✓ Yes, I have a hobby.

The student used 'E hubby' which appears to be a typographical error and an incorrect pronoun-like form. The correct noun is 'a hobby'. Use the indefinite article 'a' before a singular countable noun that is not specific. Suggestion: type carefully and check for misspellings.

× I like journaling. I writes my feelings and thoughts or something memorable that happened to me on my journal.

✓ I like journaling. I write my feelings and thoughts or something memorable that happened to me in my journal.

The verb 'write' should agree with the subject 'I', so use the base form 'write', not 'writes' which is third-person singular. Also, the preposition for recording in a journal is 'in', not 'on'. Suggestion: use 'I write' and 'in my journal.'

× It makes me feel happy, relaxed since I can let out any of my thoughts on a piece of paper.

✓ It makes me feel happy and relaxed since I can let out my thoughts on a piece of paper.

This sentence has a missing conjunction 'and' to connect adjectives. Also 'any of my thoughts' is awkward; 'my thoughts' is more natural. Preposition 'on' is acceptable for 'a piece of paper' but keeping consistency with 'in my journal' earlier is stylistic. Suggestion: add 'and' between adjectives and use 'my thoughts.'

× I guess playing outside is my hobby.

✓ I guess playing outside was my hobby.

The examiner asked about hobbies when the student was a child in the next question; however this sentence appears in response to 'Did you have any hobbies when you were a child?' If referring to the past, use past tense 'was'. Suggestion: match tense to context; use past when speaking about childhood.

× When I was a child I really love to play with my friends in the park every afternoon.

✓ When I was a child I really loved to play with my friends in the park every afternoon.

The clause 'When I was a child' refers to the past, so the verb should be in the past tense 'loved', not present 'love'. Suggestion: use past tense for past time expressions.

× We run around, play tags, played hide and seek and it makes me happy.

✓ We ran around, played tag, played hide-and-seek, and it made me happy.

Tense inconsistency: description of past actions should use past tense 'ran' and 'played'. 'Play tags' is incorrect; the usual expression is 'play tag' (singular). 'Hide and seek' is commonly hyphenated when used as a noun. Final clause should be past 'made' to match the time frame. Suggestion: keep verbs in past tense and use correct noun forms.

× I think it would be drawing back when I was a child I really loved to draw those images and pictures and books on my sketch pad, and as an adult I continued that hobby.

✓ I think it was drawing. Back when I was a child I really loved to draw images and pictures in my sketch pad, and as an adult I have continued that hobby.

Mix of conditional 'would be' and past reference causes awkwardness. Use past 'was drawing' to state a childhood hobby. Separate into clearer sentences. Use preposition 'in my sketch pad' rather than 'on'. For continuity to present, 'have continued' (present perfect) indicates the hobby has continued until now. Suggestion: simplify structure and match tense to timeline.

× My sister and I have the same hobbies. She and I loves to read, in fact she has a lot of books while me I love reading in digital form.

✓ My sister and I have the same hobbies. She and I love to read; in fact, she has a lot of books, while I prefer reading in digital form.

Subject-verb agreement: 'She and I' is a plural subject and requires 'love' not 'loves'. 'Me I' is incorrect pronoun use; use subject pronoun 'I'. Also 'prefer' fits contrast better than 'love' repeated. Suggestion: ensure correct subject pronouns and verb agreement; use punctuation to separate clauses.

× I love reading books and fan fictions on wet pads and AO3, but I also do love reading books.

✓ I love reading books and fan fiction on Wattpad and AO3, but I also love reading printed books.

Several issues: 'fan fictions' is usually 'fan fiction' (uncountable), 'wet pads' is a misspelling of 'Wattpad' (a website), and repetition 'I also do love reading books' is redundant. Clarified contrast by specifying 'printed books'. Suggestion: correct proper nouns and use uncountable form 'fan fiction.'