Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler words (uh, umm) and correct grammar (near my house, convenient, has a convenience store below).

例: Yes. I enjoy going to the cinema with my friends. It is very convenient because there is a cinema close to my house, and it even has a convenience store downstairs where we can buy snacks before the film.

提案: Use past tense consistently and organize into topic sentence plus details. Replace fillers and correct vocabulary (ponds, brought). Add a linking word to connect ideas (for example, also). Provide specific details but keep it short (max 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I used to go fishing with my father when I was a child. He would take me on his motorbike to the ponds near our house, and he always packed sandwiches and juice for us. It was a nice way to spend time together and enjoy nature.

提案: This answer is unclear and disorganized. State directly whether you have a long-term hobby, then give clear supporting details in simple sentences. Use correct vocabulary (drawing, sketching, animals, subjects, teacher). Avoid irrelevant or confusing references. Keep to 2–4 sentences with linking words (for example, since, because).

例: Yes, I have enjoyed drawing since I was a child. My father taught me basic techniques for drawing animals, and at school art was one of my favourite subjects because my teacher gave personalized feedback. As a result, I still practice sketching in my free time.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then one or two specific contrasts using linking words (however, while). Fix grammar (my family usually have fitness hobbies; I am easy-going). Be specific about what hobbies you do and why they differ. Keep it under five sentences.

例: No, my hobbies are different from my family's. While my family enjoy fitness activities like running and gym workouts, I prefer creative hobbies; for example, I practice drawing, dance and guitar. I enjoy these because they let me relax and express myself.

× I usually hang out with my friends and uh, go to the cinemas uh, because uh, it is near from my house and umm is it convenient because the cinema which is near my house had has a convenience store under.

✓ I usually hang out with my friends and go to the cinema because it is near my house and convenient; the cinema near my house has a convenience store underneath.

The phrase 'near from' is incorrect; use 'near' without 'from'. 'Cinemas' should be singular 'the cinema' when referring to a specific nearby cinema. 'Had has' is ungrammatical; use 'has' for present possession. 'Under' is better as 'underneath' for the store located below. Also simplify sentence structure and remove filler words. Improve by practicing prepositions: say 'near my house' and use correct verb forms for present tense.

× When I was a child, I usually go fishing when fishing with my dad and he usually bring me umm, his motorbike and we go, We went to the pawns which near our house and uh, my dad usually uh, brought the sandwiches and uh, some juice for me too.

✓ When I was a child, I usually went fishing with my dad. He usually brought his motorbike and we went to the ponds near our house. My dad usually brought sandwiches and some juice for me.

The sentence mixes present and past tense; describing habitual past actions requires past tense verbs (went, brought). 'Go fishing when fishing with my dad' is redundant; simplify to 'went fishing with my dad'. 'Pawns' is a wrong word; likely 'ponds'. Correct preposition 'near our house'. Improve by keeping consistent past tense when talking about childhood habits.

× Actually, I am keen on not drawing Peter because, uh, I, when I was agile, my dad, uh, taught me how to, uh, broad animals and hazards and, uh, when I was going, when I, uh, go to school, drawing is one of the most, uh, the most popular subject in Moscow. And our teacher is very personalized when our teacher.

✓ Actually, I have liked drawing since I was young because my dad taught me how to draw animals and landscapes. When I went to school, drawing was one of the most popular subjects in Moscow, and our teacher was very encouraging and attentive.

The original contains many unclear and incorrect phrases: 'keen on not drawing Peter' and 'when I was agile' are incorrect. Use clear subject and verb phrases: 'have liked drawing since I was young' or 'since childhood'. 'Broad' is wrong; should be 'draw'. 'Hazards' likely meant 'landscapes' or 'sketches'—chosen 'landscapes'. Maintain past tense when referring to school: 'was one of the most popular subjects'. 'Personalized' is awkward for teacher behavior; 'encouraging and attentive' fits better. Improve by planning sentences, using correct verbs and vocabulary, and keeping tense consistent.

× No I don't because my families has a usually has a fitness hobbies. However I am a easy going person so I want something like personalized so also that I usually train my hobby from drawing to dancing or guitar.

✓ No, I don't, because my family usually has fitness hobbies. However, I am an easygoing person, so I prefer something more personal; I often shift my hobbies from drawing to dancing or playing the guitar.

'Families' is incorrect plural; use 'family' for your household. 'Has a usually has a' is redundant and ungrammatical; simplify to 'usually has'. 'A easy going' needs 'an easygoing' (article and compound adjective). 'Personalized' is awkward here; 'more personal' is clearer. 'Train my hobby from drawing to dancing or guitar' is incorrect phrasing; use 'shift my hobbies' or 'switch from drawing to dancing or playing the guitar'. Improve by checking pronoun/ noun number agreement and using appropriate articles.