Hobby— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 발음과 유창성을 향상시키기 위해 'uh' 같은 자주 쓰는 말더미를 줄이세요. 문장은 간결하고 논리적으로 구성하세요(주제문 → 구체적 세부사항). 시제와 단수/복수 일치를 정확히 하세요(예: "one hour", "many people"). 또한 어휘 선택을 명확히 하고 문장 수는 3~4문장 내로 유지하세요.

例: Yes, I enjoy exercising, especially judo, with my friends. I go to the gym almost every day and practise sparring for about an hour. Training with others helps me improve my technique and stay motivated.

提案: 시간 표현과 시제 사용을 정확히 하세요(예: 'when I was seven' 또는 'seven years ago' 중 하나). 말더미를 줄이고 문장을 자연스럽게 연결하세요. 구체적인 예를 들어 설명을 풍부하게 하되 문장은 2~3문장으로 유지하세요.

例: When I was seven, I enjoyed playing action video games with my elementary school friends. We often spent afternoons playing together and competing to see who could complete levels fastest.

提案: 문법(시제, 전치사, 관사)을 정리하세요. 'since childhood'에 맞춰 경험의 지속성을 명확히 표현하세요. 이유 설명은 간결하고 자연스럽게 연결어(so, because, therefore)를 사용해 주세요. 단어 선택도 정확히 하세요 ('practice' 대신 'played' 오류 수정 등).

例: Yes, I have practised judo since I was seven years old. I started because I enjoyed active sports, and I still practise regularly because it keeps me fit and focused.

提案: 가족을 언급할 때 단수/복수와 소유 표현을 정확히 하세요('my mother and brother'). 'Sometimes I have waiting training' 같은 어색한 표현 대신 자연스러운 활동 설명을 사용하세요. 문장을 연결할 때 'so'나 'therefore'를 적절히 사용하고 발음을 명확히 하세요.

例: Yes, my mother and brother also enjoy going to the gym. Sometimes we train together, so we motivate each other and spend time exercising as a family.

× Yes, I love to play uh, exercise such as judo with my friends.

✓ Yes, I love doing exercise, such as judo, with my friends.

The verb 'love' should be followed by a gerund when referring to an activity (love doing). Use 'doing exercise' rather than 'play exercise'. Also add commas for clarity and 'such as' to introduce an example.

× So I go to uh, go to a gym every day with my friends and I play sparring about one hours with many peoples in there.

✓ So I go to the gym every day with my friends and I do sparring for about one hour with many people there.

Use the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific gym the speaker attends. 'Go to go to' is redundant; use one verb. 'Play sparring' is incorrect; use 'do sparring' or 'spar'. 'One hours' should be 'one hour' (singular). 'Peoples' is incorrect plural; use 'people'. 'In there' is unnatural; use 'there'.

× It was so exercise to me.

✓ It was very good exercise for me.

'So exercise' is ungrammatical. Use an adjective or modifier like 'very good' before 'exercise' and use the preposition 'for me' to express effect on the speaker.

× Uh, in the seven years ago, years old, I like to play games, like video games about action games with my friends.

✓ When I was seven years old, I liked to play games, like action video games, with my friends.

Time expressions with 'ago' and age need correct structure: say 'When I was seven years old' or 'seven years ago'. Past habit uses past tense 'liked'. 'Video games about action games' is awkward; use 'action video games'.

× So, umm, I play it with my, my elementary school friends.

✓ So I played them with my elementary school friends.

Referring to past habit, use past tense 'played'. Use 'them' to refer to 'games' (plural). Remove stutter and unnecessary commas.

× Yeah, I have played exercise like judo about 7 years old then.

✓ Yes, I have practiced an exercise like judo since I was about seven years old.

Use 'have practiced' or 'have done' with activity; 'have played exercise' is incorrect. To indicate duration from a past age to now, use 'since I was about seven years old'.

× Now because I like to wear activities exercise, I loved it, thus I play it nowadays.

✓ Now, because I like active sports, I love it, so I practice it nowadays.

'Wear activities exercise' is incorrect; use 'active sports' or 'physical activities'. 'I loved it' mixes past and present; use 'I love it' for current preference. 'Play it' is unnatural for exercise; use 'practice it'.

× Yes, my family like mother and brother love to go to a gym.

✓ Yes, my family, like my mother and brother, love going to the gym.

Add possessive 'my' for family members. 'Family like mother and brother' needs commas to set off examples. Use 'love going to the gym' (gerund) for habitual action and 'the gym' as a specific place.

× So sometimes I have waiting training with my families thus I go to gym together.

✓ So sometimes I train with my family; we go to the gym together.

'I have waiting training' is ungrammatical; express it as 'I train' or 'I have training'. 'Families' should be singular 'family'. 'Go to gym' needs the article 'the gym'. Use a clearer connector like 'we' instead of 'thus'.