Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the two parts of the question directly: state whether you like buying shoes and explain how often you buy them. Avoid unclear phrases such as “a pale shoes,” “search them new information,” and “go to store directory.” Use a clear topic sentence followed by one specific reason or example. Also, use linking words such as “usually,” “because,” and “when.”

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes, although I only buy a new pair about once every two or three months. I usually look online first to compare prices and styles. When I find a good deal on a comfortable pair, I visit the store and try them on.

提案: Your response does not answer the examiner’s question. Begin with a direct answer such as “Yes, I have” or “No, I haven’t,” and then add a reason, detail, or example. For a Part 1 answer, two or three connected sentences would be sufficient.

例: Yes, I have bought shoes online several times. I usually choose second-hand shoes because they are much cheaper than brand-new ones. However, I check the size chart and the customer reviews carefully before placing an order.

提案: You give a clear amount and a relevant explanation, but the answer contains repetition of “twenty thousand yen,” “cheaper,” and “but.” Improve coherence by stating the usual amount once, explaining that second-hand shopping lowers the price, and adding why you are willing to pay that amount. Use natural phrases such as “a more expensive pair,” “second-hand online stores,” and “I’m willing to pay that much.”

例: I usually spend around 20,000 yen on a pair of shoes. I prefer buying from second-hand online stores because I can find high-quality brands at lower prices. I’m willing to pay that much if the shoes are durable and in good condition.

提案: State your preference clearly in one topic sentence, then give a logical reason and, if possible, an example. Avoid repeating “comfortable” and using unsuitable words such as “ingredients” for shoes. Use “materials,” “fit,” “support,” and “wear them for a long time” to describe your reasons more naturally. Add a linking word such as “because” or “especially.”

例: I prefer comfortable shoes to fashionable ones because I often walk a lot during the day. I pay close attention to the fit, the materials, and the support they provide. Even if a pair is fashionable, I won’t buy it if it hurts my feet.

× Usually I buy a pale shoes once a month.

✓ Usually, I buy a pair of pale shoes once a month.

A shoes is incorrect because shoes is plural, but the article a must be followed by a singular noun. Use a pair of shoes when referring to two shoes as one item.

× I every day search them new information about the closest or some pants and of course shoes.

✓ Every day, I search for new information about the latest shoes, some pants, and, of course, other shoes.

The adverb every day should be placed at the beginning or end of the sentence, rather than between the subject and the verb. Starting with Every day makes the sentence clearer.

× I every day search them new information about the closest or some pants and of course shoes.

✓ Every day, I search for new information about the latest shoes, some pants, and, of course, other shoes.

The verb search normally takes the preposition for when it means to look for information. Therefore, search them new information should be changed to search for new information.

× So if it's nearly, I go to store directory to find it.

✓ So, if necessary, I go directly to the store to find them.

A singular countable noun such as store normally needs an article. The phrase the store is appropriate when referring to a particular store. The pronoun them agrees with the plural noun shoes.

× So if it's nearly, I go to store directory to find it.

✓ So, if necessary, I go directly to the store to find them.

Directly should be placed before the place phrase to show how you go to the store. The original placement, store directory, creates an incorrect phrase.

× I want to get a little bit expensive one, but as I mentioned, I use the online stores secondhand stores, so the price is lower but at least it costs about twenty thousand yen but I'm willing to buy it because it's cheaper.

✓ I want to buy a slightly expensive pair, but, as I mentioned, I use online second-hand stores, so the price is lower. It still costs about twenty thousand yen, but I am willing to buy them because they are cheaper.

The pronouns it and it's refer to singular nouns, but they refer to shoes, which are plural. Use them and they for shoes. The noun pair can also be used to refer to one set of shoes.

× I want to get a little bit expensive one, but as I mentioned, I use the online stores secondhand stores, so the price is lower but at least it costs about twenty thousand yen but I'm willing to buy it because it's cheaper.

✓ I want to buy a slightly expensive pair, but, as I mentioned, I use online second-hand stores, so the price is lower. It still costs about twenty thousand yen, but I am willing to buy them because they are cheaper.

The original sentence contains several independent ideas joined by repeated but and lacks a clear structure around online stores secondhand stores. Dividing it into shorter sentences makes the relationships between the ideas clear.

× I like comfortable shoes I like walking around my house so the comfortable is very important factor to long term so I mainly focus on its factors and ingredients and to fit my shoes.

✓ I like comfortable shoes. I like walking around my house, so comfort is a very important factor in the long term. Therefore, I mainly focus on comfort and how well the shoes fit.

The singular countable noun factor needs the article a in a very important factor. However, comfort is an uncountable noun and does not need the before it.

× I like comfortable shoes I like walking around my house so the comfortable is very important factor to long term so I mainly focus on its factors and ingredients and to fit my shoes.

✓ I like comfortable shoes. I like walking around my house, so comfort is a very important factor in the long term. Therefore, I mainly focus on comfort and how well the shoes fit.

Use in the long term, not to long term. The preposition in is used in this fixed expression to describe a period of time.

× I like comfortable shoes I like walking around my house so the comfortable is very important factor to long term so I mainly focus on its factors and ingredients and to fit my shoes.

✓ I like comfortable shoes. I like walking around my house, so comfort is a very important factor in the long term. Therefore, I mainly focus on comfort and how well the shoes fit.

The original sentence joins several complete ideas without punctuation or suitable conjunctions. Separate the ideas into sentences and use Therefore to show the result. Also, shoes do not usually have ingredients, so that word has been removed.