Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then give 1–2 specific supporting details. Avoid tense errors and unclear phrases (e.g. “exclamation shoes”). Use linking words like “nowadays” or “occasionally.”

例: I don't buy shoes very often. Nowadays I only own two or three pairs and I usually buy new shoes only for special events or when an old pair wears out. In the future, if I find styles I really like, I might build a small collection.

提案: Organize the answer: give a brief topic sentence, then two specific details (what happened and outcome). Avoid profanity and filler words like “uh.” Use past simple consistently and mention actions clearly (ordered, returned, complained).

例: Yes, I once bought shoes online, but it turned out to be a bad experience. The shoes arrived dirty and of poor quality, so I returned them and the seller refused to refund me. After that I reported the shop to the platform and I now check reviews before buying online.

提案: Answer directly with a clear amount and explain briefly why. Remove hedging words like “like” and repetitive phrases. Use linking words to show reason (for example, “because” or “so”).

例: I rarely buy shoes, but when I do I usually spend about $200 on a good branded pair because I prefer high quality and durability.

提案: Personalize the answer and state your own preference first, then give a reason and an example. Avoid generalizations about “a person” and correct grammar (e.g. “wants”). Use linking words like “however” or “because.”

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because I’m on my feet a lot and comfort matters most to me. However, I sometimes buy fashionable shoes for special occasions when style is important.

× When I used to be a kid I used to have a lot of shoes, but as I grow older and now I only have two to three pairs of shoes and I don't usually buy shoes randomly.

✓ When I was a kid I used to have a lot of shoes, but as I have grown older I only have two to three pairs of shoes and I don't usually buy shoes randomly.

The original sentence mixes past and present forms incorrectly: 'When I used to be a kid' is ungrammatical; the correct past form is 'When I was a kid.' Also 'as I grow older and now' mixes present with past habitual; use present perfect 'as I have grown older' to show change up to now. This fixes tense consistency and uses the correct verb forms. Suggestion: keep time reference consistent (past for childhood, present perfect for change leading to now).

× And in the future if I need to have exclamation shoes, I will probably have a collection.

✓ In the future, if I need special shoes, I will probably build a collection.

'Need to have exclamation shoes' is unclear and ungrammatical. Use 'need special shoes' or another clear noun phrase. 'Have a collection' is acceptable but 'build a collection' sounds more natural for accumulating items. Maintain future tense 'will probably' for the prediction. Suggestion: replace unclear phrase with a clear noun and use a natural collocation like 'build a collection.'

× Once I ordered shoes online and uh, that was a scam.

✓ Once I ordered shoes online and it was a scam.

Using 'that was a scam' is understandable but 'it was a scam' is more natural when referring to a prior order. No major tense error, but simplified pronoun improves clarity. Suggestion: use 'it' to refer to the previous clause for smoother speech.

× When the shoes came it was nothing that I expected and it was so dirty and ******* ***** shoes that may ruin my day and uh I dispatched my order uh, and returned it and I didn't get the refund either and the delivery guy was mad at me.

✓ When the shoes arrived they were nothing like what I expected; they were so dirty and poorly made that they ruined my day. I canceled the order, returned them, and I didn't get a refund, and the delivery person was upset with me.

Problems: 'When the shoes came it was nothing that I expected' has number and reference mismatches; 'shoes' plural requires plural pronouns and verbs: 'they were' and 'nothing like what I expected.' '******* *****' suggests an adjective phrase like 'poorly made' rather than two censored words; use a clear adjective. 'May ruin my day' is modal and speculative in past context; use past 'ruined my day.' 'Dispatched my order' is incorrect: customer does not 'dispatch' an order; they 'canceled' or 'returned' it. 'Delivery guy' is informal; 'delivery person' is neutral. Suggestion: match plural subjects with plural verbs and pronouns, use appropriate verbs for actions (cancel, return), and keep tense consistent in recounting past events.

× As I told you, I don't often buy shoes, but on the occasions I try to purchase the high quality and branded shoes, so it costs around like $200.00, so yeah.

✓ As I told you, I don't often buy shoes, but on occasions I try to purchase high-quality, branded shoes, so they cost around $200.

Errors: 'on the occasions' should be 'on occasions' or 'on special occasions.' 'the high quality and branded shoes' has article and adjective order issues: use 'high-quality, branded shoes' without 'the.' 'so it costs around like $200.00' has pronoun and filler problems: use plural pronoun 'they' for shoes and avoid both 'around' and 'like' together; write 'around $200.' Suggestion: use hyphen for compound adjective 'high-quality,' remove unnecessary articles, and keep quantifier phrases concise.

× If a person want to show or have a sense of fashion, then he will probably go for the fashion one.

✓ If a person wants to show a sense of fashion, then he will probably choose the fashionable option.

'If a person want' has subject-verb agreement error; singular subject 'person' requires 'wants.' 'have a sense of fashion' is acceptable but 'show a sense of fashion' is clearer. 'the fashion one' is informal and awkward; use 'the fashionable option' or 'fashionable shoes.' Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with singular subject and use natural noun phrases for choices.

× And if we want comfort and we want to be relaxed and I guess the, uh, comfort shoe is good for us.

✓ And if someone wants comfort and wants to be relaxed, I guess comfortable shoes are good for them.

Mixed pronouns and number: original mixes 'we' and 'I' and uses singular 'comfort shoe' with plural context. Use consistent indefinite pronouns: 'someone' and 'them' or keep 'we' throughout. 'Comfort shoe' should be 'comfortable shoes.' Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent and match singular/plural across sentence elements.