Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear. Start with a concise topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Pronunciation and grammar need correcting (e.g., "buy shoes," "bought for me by my parents," "I don't feel comfortable buying them myself").

例: Not really. I rarely buy shoes because my parents usually buy them for me. As a result, I don’t feel comfortable choosing shoes on my own and I prefer to let them pick ones that fit well.

提案: Give a clear yes/no followed by a specific example and use linking words (e.g., "but," "however"). Improve grammar ("I bought shoes online once," "they looked good in the photos, but in reality they were different"). Be concise and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I bought shoes online once. They looked great in the photos, but when they arrived they seemed worn and the material was different; therefore I returned them and now I am more careful with online orders.

提案: Answer directly with an approximate amount or frequency, then explain why using linking words. Fix vocabulary (use "shoes" not "suits"), grammar and word order. Be specific about amounts or attitudes to show clear reasoning.

例: I usually spend very little on shoes—probably under $30 a pair—because my parents buy most of them for me. Consequently, I prefer to save my money for other things.

提案: State your preference clearly, then give 1–2 specific reasons using linking words ("because," "while," "however"). Correct word choice and grammar ("comfortable shoes," "I feel more confident," "It doesn't mean I avoid fashionable ones altogether"). Keep it concise and coherent.

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because they make me feel more confident and allow me to walk for longer without pain. However, I still like fashionable shoes for special occasions when appearance matters.

× No, I don't often like to buy off shoes.

✓ No, I don't often like to buy shoes.

The adverb 'often' is awkwardly placed and 'buy off shoes' is incorrect; 'buy off' is not used here. Place 'often' before the main verb or after the auxiliary: 'I don't often like to buy shoes.' This keeps the negative auxiliary 'don't' with the main verb and uses correct verb phrase 'buy shoes.'

× Uh, mostly my shoes are bought for me by my parents issues.

✓ Mostly my shoes are bought for me by my parents.

The word 'issues' is unnecessary and confusing. The passive construction 'are bought for me by my parents' is correct but remove 'issues.' Keep simple passive voice to convey that parents buy the shoes.

× I don't feel like comfortable myself.

✓ I don't feel comfortable myself.

Use the adjective 'comfortable' directly after the verb 'feel' (not 'like comfortable'). 'Feel like' requires a noun or verb-ing (e.g., 'feel like going'), so remove 'like.' 'Myself' is optional; keep only if emphasizing the subject: 'I don't feel comfortable.'

× As once or time I have bought a shoes from online, uh, info that looks so good that's uh, I like to bought them but in reality was past different.

✓ Once I bought a pair of shoes online that looked good, so I wanted to buy them, but in reality they were different.

Use 'once' or 'one time' instead of 'as once or time.' Use 'a pair of shoes' not 'a shoes.' 'From online' should be 'online.' Use past tense consistently: 'bought' and 'were.' Replace 'was past different' with 'were different.' Maintain clear clause structure: 'Once I bought a pair of shoes online that looked good, so I wanted to buy them, but in reality they were different.'

× It's looks so ugly that it was look like someone has already used it once or twice and.

✓ They looked so ugly that they looked like someone had already used them once or twice.

Don't combine 'it' with plural 'shoes'—use 'they.' Use past tense 'looked' consistently. For past perfect of prior action, use 'had already used.' Complete the sentence; remove trailing 'and.'

× I usually don't spend much money on suits.

✓ I usually don't spend much money on shoes.

The word 'suits' is the wrong vocabulary; context is 'shoes.' Use the correct noun. The rest of the sentence is fine.

× Uh, mostly my parents uh helps me to choose them and bought for me.

✓ Mostly my parents help me choose them and buy them for me.

'Parents' is plural so the verb should be 'help' not 'helps.' Keep verbs parallel and present simple for habitual actions: 'help me choose' and 'buy them for me.'

× Me mostly.

✓ Mostly me.

'Me mostly' is nonstandard fragment. Better to integrate into sentence: 'Mostly my parents buy them for me.' If kept alone, 'Mostly me' is acceptable as an informal fragment but avoid starting with object pronoun; prefer full sentence.

× I don't love to spend my money on it.

✓ I don't like to spend my money on them.

Use 'like' rather than 'love' for a milder preference (context). Refer to 'shoes' (plural) with 'them' not 'it.' Also 'spend my money on them' is correct collocation.

× I feel like it is most of my money.

✓ I feel like it would use up most of my money.

The original is unclear. To express that buying shoes would consume a large portion of money, use 'use up most of my money' or 'cost most of my money.' This corrects meaning and grammatical structure.

× More than fashionable shoes, I feel for comfortable suits.

✓ I prefer comfortable shoes to fashionable ones.

Use the comparative structure 'prefer X to Y.' Use 'shoes,' not 'suits.' 'Feel for' is incorrect here. The corrected sentence is concise and idiomatic.

× In that suit I feel like myself and more confident, uncomfortable.

✓ In comfortable shoes I feel like myself and more confident.

Replace 'suit' with 'shoes' and remove the contradictory 'uncomfortable.' Place adjectives correctly: 'comfortable shoes.' Keep positive idea: feeling like oneself and more confident.

× Whereas fashionable is good for the look rather than for myself.

✓ Whereas fashionable shoes are good for appearance rather than comfort for me.

Make subject explicit: 'fashionable shoes.' Use 'appearance' or 'looks' and clarify 'rather than comfort' to show contrast. Add 'for me' for personal perspective.

× It doesn't means that I need to oil fashionable rather than comfort.

✓ It doesn't mean that I need to be fashionable instead of comfortable.

Use base verb 'mean' after 'doesn't.' 'Need to be fashionable' expresses the intention; 'instead of' correctly shows the contrast. 'Oil' is incorrect word choice; replace with 'be.'