Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับปรุงความเป็นธรรมชาติและความชัดเจน: หลีกเลี่ยงคำอืดอาด (uh) และใช้ประโยคที่ชัดเจนตรงคำถาม ให้เริ่มด้วยประโยคตรงๆ ระบุความถี่อย่างสมเหตุสมผล และอธิบายเหตุผลสั้นๆ โดยใช้คำเชื่อม เช่น because / so that เพื่อให้สั้น กระชับ และมีโครงสร้างดีขึ้น

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes. I usually buy them a few times a month because my friends run a shoe store, and I like to support their business.

提案: ปรับความลื่นไหลและการเชื่อมประโยค: ลบคำซ้ำ ใช้กาลเวลาให้ถูกต้อง (past vs present) และใช้คำเชื่อมเพื่อเชื่อมความคิด เช่น so / because รวมทั้งให้รายละเอียดที่เฉพาะเจาะจงมากขึ้น เช่นวิธีการเลือกร้านหรือรีวิวที่ดู

例: Yes, I've bought shoes online from my friend's e-commerce store. I usually read customer reviews and check ratings before purchasing because it's convenient and helps me choose the right size and quality.

提案: ระบุจำนวนให้ชัดและใช้โครงสร้างประโยคที่เป็นธรรมชาติ: ให้ใช้หน่วยเงินและช่วงราคาอย่างชัดเจน (e.g., baht, dollars) อธิบายเหตุผลโดยใช้คำเชื่อม เช่น because / as เพื่อให้เหตุผลชัดเจนและไม่ซ้ำคำ

例: I usually spend about 300 to 500 baht on a pair of shoes because they offer good quality and have an attractive design.

提案: จัดลำดับความคิดและใช้ประโยคเชื่อมให้ชัดเจน: เริ่มด้วยประโยคหัวข้อ แล้วเปรียบเทียบเหตุผลของแต่ละแบบ โดยใช้ linking words เช่น however / while / also และสรุปความชอบของคุณอย่างชัดเจนในประโยคสุดท้าย

例: I prefer a balance of both. While fashionable shoes make me feel confident and improve my appearance, comfortable shoes allow me to move easily and relax, so I usually choose styles that combine both comfort and style.

× Yes, I really like uh buy shoes and I always buy it every day because uh, my friends have uh shoe store and I want to heal them.

✓ Yes, I really like buying shoes and I buy them every day because my friends have a shoe store and I want to help them.

The verb 'like' should be followed by the gerund 'buying' not the base form; use 'buying shoes'. 'Buy it every day' has wrong object and frequency: 'them' refers to shoes and 'every day' should accompany 'buy' without 'always' or you can keep both; use 'I buy them every day'. 'My friends have a shoe store' needs the indefinite article 'a'. 'I want to heal them' is incorrect verb choice; use 'help them'. Suggestions: use gerunds after 'like', match pronouns to plural nouns, include appropriate articles, and choose correct verbs for meaning.

× Yes, my friends store is online market market is like e-commerce and I will uh read uh review from the customer and I will buy it online.

✓ Yes, my friends' store is an online market; it is like e-commerce and I read reviews from customers and buy online.

The sentence mixes future 'will' with a habitual action. If the student means a regular habit, use present simple: 'I read reviews' and 'buy online'. Possessive for 'friends' is missing: 'friends\'' and 'store is an online market' needs article 'an' and removal of repeated word 'market'. Use plural 'reviews' and 'customers'. Suggestions: use present simple for habitual actions, add possessive apostrophe, correct articles, and avoid repetition.

× I usually spend, uh, approximately, uh, 300 to 500 plus shoes, one shoes, uh, because it's so have uh, sufficient quality and the look is so beautiful.

✓ I usually spend approximately 300 to 500 on a pair of shoes because they have good quality and look very nice.

Numbers and nouns: you spend money amount '300 to 500' (add currency if needed) and 'on a pair of shoes' is correct phrase; 'one shoes' is wrong—use 'one pair' or 'a pair'. 'It's so have sufficient quality' mixes 'it' singular with plural 'shoes' and uses wrong verb. Use 'they have good quality' or 'they are of good quality'. 'The look is so beautiful' is better as 'they look very nice'. Suggestions: use 'pair' for shoes, match singular/plural pronouns, simplify 'sufficient quality' to 'good quality' and adjust adjective placement.

× I prefer both because fashionable is so make me look perfect looks and, uh, improve my personality.

✓ I prefer both because fashionable shoes make me look perfect and improve my appearance.

'Fashionable is so make me' is ungrammatical: need subject 'fashionable shoes' and verb 'make'. 'Look perfect looks' is redundant; use 'look perfect'. 'Improve my personality' is odd; usually we say 'improve my appearance' or 'enhance my image'. Suggestions: include the noun with the adjective, use correct verb form, and choose natural collocations like 'improve my appearance'.

× But for, uh, comfortable shoes is can make me relax and do anything that I can do easier.

✓ But comfortable shoes can make me relax and make it easier for me to do things.

'Is can make' wrongly combines auxiliary 'is' with modal 'can'; use 'can make'. 'Make me relax' is understandable but 'help me relax' is more natural. 'Do anything that I can do easier' is awkward; rephrase to 'make it easier for me to do things'. Suggestions: avoid combining 'is' with modal verbs, use natural collocations like 'help me relax' and structure comparative/adverbial phrases correctly.