Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), and limit to 2–4 sentences. Use a linking phrase to add specific detail (e.g., “for example” → give one concrete example) and correct small grammar errors (e.g., “they are versatile” → “that are versatile”).

例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes, but only a few times a year. For example, I usually buy new shoes twice a year—one pair for work and one casual pair—choosing styles that are versatile and comfortable so they match many outfits.

提案: Give a direct answer then support with specific reasons and correct word choices. Avoid hesitation and incorrect phrases (e.g., “without living home” → “without leaving home”; “compete brands” → “compare brands”; “buy by person” → “buy in person”). Use one linking word like “because” or “however.”

例: Yes, I have bought shoes online, especially when I find a deal I can't get in stores. However, I prefer buying in person because I can try shoes on and compare brands and prices before I buy.

提案: Give a clear numeric answer (use a standard currency) and explain briefly why. Remove vague or unclear phrases and fillers. Use correct collocations (e.g., “a pair of shoes,” “prefer quality over quantity”), and keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I usually spend about $100 on a pair of shoes. I prefer to invest a bit more in a quality pair rather than buy many cheap ones because they last longer and feel more comfortable.

提案: Answer directly then give a concise reason and a brief balance statement. Fix awkward phrasing (e.g., “I should wear them for hours” → “I wear them for long periods”) and avoid unfinished sentences. Use linking words like “because” and “although.”

例: I prefer comfortable shoes because I often wear them for long periods at work or events. Although I value comfort most, I also try to choose shoes that look stylish so I can feel confident.

× Yes, I really like buying shoes, but I wouldn't do it very often.

✓ Yes, I really like buying shoes, but I don't do it very often.

Subject-verb agreement and tense/modal misuse: 'wouldn't do' implies conditional or hypothetical, but speaker means a habitual action; use simple present 'don't do' for habits. Suggestion: Use simple present for routines (I don't do it very often).

× Sometimes, for example, twice a year, I uh, buy shoes uh, most of them when I need and I choose shoes that they are versatile and comfortable and I can work with different outfits.

✓ Sometimes, for example, twice a year, I buy shoes, mostly when I need them, and I choose shoes that are versatile and comfortable so I can wear them with different outfits.

Several issues: pronoun and plural reference, word choice and sentence structure. 'Most of them when I need' is unclear; use 'mostly when I need them' to match plural 'shoes'. Remove redundant 'they' before 'are'. Use 'wear them with' instead of 'work with'. Suggestion: Keep pronouns consistent with nouns and simplify clause order: 'I buy shoes mostly when I need them.'

× Uh, yes, probably, especially when I need shoes and I I find great deal that I cannot find in stores.

✓ Uh, yes, probably, especially when I need shoes and I find a great deal that I cannot find in stores.

Subject-verb agreement and article use: 'find great deal' needs an article 'a' before 'great deal'. Also duplicate 'I' removed. Suggestion: Use 'a great deal' and check for repeated words.

× It's a good way because without living home you can buy and compete brands and umm prices.

✓ It's a good way because, without leaving home, you can buy and compare brands and prices.

Word choice errors: 'living home' should be 'leaving home'; 'compete brands and prices' should be 'compare brands and prices'. Prepositional phrasing corrected. Suggestion: Use 'leave' for departing and 'compare' for evaluating options.

× But personally I prefer to buy by person.

✓ But personally I prefer to buy in person.

Incorrect prepositional phrase/pronoun: 'by person' is incorrect; use the idiom 'in person' to mean physically visiting a store. Suggestion: Use fixed expressions like 'in person' rather than literal word order.

× I usually spend around 2,000,000 tomorrow and umm.

✓ I usually spend around 2,000,000 tomans.

Tense and time-word mismatch and unclear currency reference: 'usually' requires a habitual amount; 'tomorrow' conflicts with 'usually'. Likely intended currency unit 'tomans' rather than 'tomorrow'. Suggestion: Use consistent time expressions: 'I usually spend around 2,000,000 tomans.' If referring to a future amount, use 'I will spend' and 'tomorrow'.

× I prefer to have an adorable shoes rather than the shoes I should wear.

✓ I prefer to have adorable shoes rather than shoes I have to wear.

Article and adjective-noun agreement: 'an adorable shoes' mixes singular article 'an' with plural 'shoes'; remove the article or make noun singular. Also 'should wear' is awkward; 'have to wear' expresses obligation. Suggestion: Match article to noun number: 'an adorable shoe' or 'adorable shoes'; and use 'have to' for necessity.

× I would quickly and I feel I don't want to pair a little more to have quality.

✓ I would rather not; I feel I don't want to pay a little more to get better quality.

Sentence structure and word choice errors: 'would quickly' is incorrect collocation; likely 'would rather not'. 'pair' is wrong word for 'pay'; 'have quality' should be 'get better quality'. Suggestion: Use correct collocations: 'would rather not', 'pay a little more', 'get better quality'.

× Actually I prefer comfortable shoes because I should wear them for hours and parties or at work, but I prefer to be stylish at the same time.

✓ Actually, I prefer comfortable shoes because I have to wear them for hours at parties or at work, but I prefer to be stylish at the same time.

Modal verb and preposition use: 'should wear' suggests obligation but context needs 'have to wear' for necessity; 'for hours and parties or at work' has misplaced prepositions—use 'for hours at parties or at work'. Suggestion: Use 'have to' for necessity and place time/location phrases clearly: 'for hours at parties or at work'.

× But I don't think they should be fashionable at.

✓ But I don't think they need to be fashionable.

Sentence structure and extraneous preposition: ending with 'at' is incorrect. 'Should be fashionable' implies obligation; 'need to be' fits better for preference. Suggestion: Remove unnecessary prepositions and choose appropriate modal verb for preference or necessity.