Shoes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetition. Correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “the” and “are/aren’t”).

例: Yes, I like buying shoes, but only occasionally. I usually buy new shoes when my current pair is worn out, and I tend to choose styles that are popular worldwide because I like to look modern.

提案: Answer directly, then give a clear reason with one example. Use linking words such as 'because' and 'for example.' Avoid negative constructions like 'neither' after 'haven't' and improve sentence clarity.

例: No, I haven’t bought shoes online yet, but I might in the future because it is hard to find the right size in Nepal. For example, local shops often do not offer exchanges, so buying online with a good return policy could be more convenient.

提案: Give a clear, concise estimate and explain the reason using linking words like 'because' or 'depending on.' Remove hesitation and vague phrases like 'huge amount' and correct plural/singular forms.

例: I usually spend between ₹10,000 and ₹20,000 on a pair of shoes, depending on the quality and durability because I prefer shoes that last a long time.

提案: State your preference in one clear sentence, then give one specific reason and an exception using linking words like 'however' or 'but.' Avoid repetition and incorrect phrases such as 'every of your outfit.'

例: I usually prefer comfortable shoes because they make walking easier and match most of my outfits. However, on special occasions I choose fashionable shoes to look more stylish.

× I like buying shoes especially which are popular at the in the world.

✓ I like buying shoes, especially those that are popular in the world.

The sentence misuses the relative clause and demonstrative. 'which are' is acceptable but 'especially which are popular at the in the world' is ungrammatical and has extraneous words 'at the in the'. Use 'those that are popular in the world' to refer to shoes and correct the prepositional phrase. Also add a comma after 'shoes' for clarity.

× I occasionally buy shoes as I'm not quite uh over consumer.

✓ I occasionally buy shoes because I'm not a big consumer.

The phrase 'over consumer' is incorrect; English uses quantifiers like 'big consumer' or 'an excessive consumer'. 'Because' is more formal than 'as' here. Use the article 'a' before 'big consumer'.

× I only buy it when my shoes at the present gets worn off or isn't.

✓ I only buy them when my current shoes get worn out or aren't usable.

Pronoun 'it' is wrong for plural 'shoes' so use 'them'. 'At the present' is awkward; 'current' is concise. Subject-verb agreement: 'shoes get' not 'shoes gets'. Use 'worn out' not 'worn off', and complete the clause with 'aren't usable'.

× No, I haven't bought shoes online neither.

✓ No, I haven't bought shoes online either.

'Neither' is used with negative concord in some dialects but the standard form here is 'either' after a negative auxiliary. Replace 'neither' with 'either'.

× I think I will in the future because of the size.

✓ I think I will in the future because of sizing issues.

The original sentence is understandable but 'because of the size' is vague. Use 'sizing issues' or 'because of the sizes' to match context. No article change required beyond rephrasing for clarity.

× It's very complicated in Nepal to find the right size in your shoe and the merchant also isn't willing to exchange even if you order the right size or not.

✓ It's very difficult in Nepal to find the right shoe size, and merchants are not willing to exchange even if you order the wrong size.

'Complicated' is less natural here than 'difficult'. Use 'shoe size' instead of 'size in your shoe'. Change 'the merchant also isn't willing' to plural 'merchants are not willing' for generalization. The clause 'even if you order the right size or not' is contradictory; intended meaning is 'if you order the wrong size', so correct accordingly.

× I spend a huge amount of money once I buy a shoe which I occasionally purchase.

✓ I spend a large amount of money when I buy a pair of shoes, which I do only occasionally.

'A shoe' sounds odd; native speakers say 'a pair of shoes'. 'Once I buy' is better expressed as 'when I buy'. Reorder for clarity and place the relative clause correctly.

× Umm, I spend around ₹10,000 to ₹20,000 depending on the quality and the stability of the shoe.

✓ I spend around ₹10,000 to ₹20,000 depending on the quality and durability of the shoes.

'The stability of the shoe' is unnatural; use 'durability' and plural 'shoes' to match general statement. Drop filler 'Umm' in formal response.

× Most of the time I most of the time I prefer comfortable shoes at as it is very comfortable for you to walk in and is very suitable for every of your outfit.

✓ Most of the time I prefer comfortable shoes because they are comfortable to walk in and suit all of your outfits.

Sentence has duplication 'Most of the time' and awkward phrasing 'at as'. Use 'because' to give reason. 'It is very comfortable for you to walk in' should be 'they are comfortable to walk in' (plural agreement). 'Suitable for every of your outfit' is incorrect; use 'suit all of your outfits'.

× But on some occasions I prefer fashionable shoes to be extra sometimes.

✓ But on some occasions I prefer fashionable shoes to be extra.

'To be extra sometimes' is redundant and awkward. Removing 'to be' or 'sometimes' clarifies meaning. Better: 'I prefer fashionable shoes for special occasions' if that is intended.