Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct small grammar mistakes and avoid redundancy (e.g., “it just comes my nervous system” is unclear).

例: Yes, I enjoy singing, especially in the shower or while doing chores, because it lifts my mood and helps me concentrate. For example, when I sing while cleaning, I finish tasks faster and feel less anxious.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words and avoid repetition (e.g., don’t repeat “church or at home” multiple times). Watch tense and use natural phrasing.

例: Yes. I learned to sing informally at church and at home because my family often sings together. For instance, we hold late-night praise sessions where we practice harmonies and learn new songs.

提案: Open with a clear statement, then give a concise reason and one specific detail. Avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., “not that of a good singer”) and repetitive clauses. Use linking words like “because” or “so.”

例: I would like to sing for my partner at our wedding reception because he enjoys my singing. For example, I plan to perform a short song as we walk down the aisle to make the moment more personal.

提案: Be specific and give clear examples with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like “it becomes really therapeutic among them” without explaining how. Keep it concise and natural.

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because it creates a sense of unity and comfort. For example, in church services or at memorials, singing helps people share emotions and feel supported.

提案: Start with a direct answer, then give specific contexts and reasons. Avoid hesitations and clumsy phrases (e.g., “other people saying”). Be more precise about what you enjoy.

例: Yes, I enjoy listening to others sing, especially at concerts or church services, because a good voice can be uplifting and refreshing. For example, hearing a choir sing harmonies always brightens my mood.

提案: Answer directly, then give specific alternative experiences. Remove filler words like “like” and “not necessarily.” Use clear linking words to connect ideas.

例: I haven't taken formal singing classes, but I have participated in church rehearsals and learned by listening to others practice. Those sessions helped me improve my timing and harmonizing skills.

× I do enjoy singing every morning when taking a shower or if I'm doing any house chores.

✓ I do enjoy singing every morning when I take a shower or when I do any housework.

The original uses 'when taking' and 'if I'm doing any house chores' which are awkward; use the correct gerund or simple present clauses that match habitual actions. Use 'I take a shower' and 'I do housework' for natural, parallel structure. Also 'house chores' is better expressed as 'housework'.

× This is because it just helps me finish whatever task I'm performing but also it just comes my nervous system as I'm someone who suffers from anxiety.

✓ This is because it not only helps me finish whatever task I'm performing, but it also calms my nervous system since I suffer from anxiety.

The sentence had incorrect word order and word choice: 'comes my nervous system' is incorrect. Use 'calms my nervous system' for the intended meaning. Also 'not only... but also' is the correct correlative conjunction, and 'since I suffer from anxiety' is more natural than 'as I'm someone who suffers from anxiety'.

× Yes, I did learn how to sing in church and also at home, so I'm from a family that enjoys singing together.

✓ Yes, I learned how to sing in church and also at home, because I come from a family that enjoys singing together.

Use simple past 'learned' rather than 'did learn' for a simple past statement. Also 'so I'm from a family' should be 'because I come from a family' for logical connection and correct tense/meaning.

× We do like late night praises, so whenever we gathered, whether at church or at home, we would practice how to sing.

✓ We enjoy late-night praises, so whenever we gather, whether at church or at home, we practice singing.

Maintain present habitual tense: 'do like' is unnecessary; use 'enjoy'. 'Whenever we gathered' and 'we would practice' mix past and conditional; use present 'gather' and 'practice' to express habitual actions. 'Practice singing' is more natural than 'practice how to sing'.

× I would actually like to sing for my partner when we get married on our reception area.

✓ I would actually like to sing for my partner at our wedding reception when we get married.

The phrase 'on our reception area' is incorrect. Use 'at our wedding reception' and order the clause to place time 'when we get married' appropriately.

× This is because he's someone that likes listening to me singing even though I'm not that of a good singer.

✓ This is because he likes listening to me sing even though I'm not a very good singer.

'Someone that' should be 'he' or 'someone who'; 'listening to me singing' is less natural than 'listening to me sing'. 'Not that of a good singer' is ungrammatical — use 'not a very good singer'.

× But I guess I'll have to do it when it is time for us to walk down the aisle.

✓ But I guess I'll do it when it's time for us to walk down the aisle.

Use contracted 'it's' for natural speech; 'have to do it' implies obligation—'I'll do it' fits better with the speaker's intent. The original is not strictly wrong grammatically but can be simplified for clarity.

× Yes, I do believe that singing does bring happiness to people.

✓ Yes, I do believe that singing brings happiness to people.

Using both 'do believe' and 'does bring' is redundant; simple present 'brings' is sufficient. Maintain natural affirmative emphasis: 'I do believe' is fine, but use 'brings'.

× Mostly if people are gathered either at church or in a funeral, whenever singing happens, it becomes really therapeutic among them.

✓ Mostly, if people gather either at church or at a funeral, whenever singing happens it becomes really therapeutic for them.

Use 'at a funeral' not 'in a funeral'. 'Gathered' passive changes meaning; use active 'gather'. 'Therapeutic for them' is more natural than 'therapeutic among them'.

× Yes, I do like listening to other people saying for example, when I attend like concerts or go to church.

✓ Yes, I do like listening to other people singing, for example when I attend concerts or go to church.

'Saying' is incorrect; use 'singing'. Remove filler 'like' and place 'for example' appropriately. 'Attend like concerts' is ungrammatical — use 'attend concerts'.

× I think it is quite a refreshing time when you hear other people singing, if only they have lovely voices.

✓ I think it's quite refreshing to hear other people singing, especially if they have lovely voices.

'A refreshing time' is awkward — use 'quite refreshing to hear'. 'If only' implies regret; 'especially if' expresses the intended meaning.

× Not necessarily a singing class, but I've been to like practices at church as well as listening to people practicing how to sing.

✓ Not a formal singing class, but I've attended practices at church and listened to people practicing singing.

Use 'attended practices' rather than 'been to like practices'. 'Practicing how to sing' is wordy; 'practicing singing' is concise. Remove filler 'like' and use parallel structure.