Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 在回答中避免反复使用模糊词（例如“maybe”）并提高连贯性。先给出明确的主题句，然后用一两句具体细节解释原因，使用连接词使句子更流畅。注意发音和语法（如时态和代词）。

例: I enjoy singing when I'm alone because it helps me relax and concentrate. For example, I often sing quietly at home after work, which lifts my mood and relieves stress. However, I feel shy singing in front of large or noisy groups, so I usually avoid performing publicly.

提案: 纠正时态和词序，避免重复并给出具体细节（例如学了哪些技能，老师如何教）。使用连接词（e.g. in addition, for example）让回答更条理清楚。

例: Yes, I learned singing at school from primary through high school in our regular music classes. In those classes we practiced vocal warm-ups, basic breathing techniques, and simple songs. For example, my teacher taught us how to control breath for longer phrases, which improved my pitch and confidence.

提案: 回答不清晰且有词汇错误（如'seeing'和表达顺序）。先直接回答问题（I would sing for...），然后解释原因并举例。避免矛盾表达，保持1-2个支持句。

例: I would most like to sing for my family because they support me. Singing for them makes me feel grateful and relaxed; for example, I often sing a simple song at family gatherings to cheer everyone up.

提案: 句子意义不明确并有大量词汇错误（如'seeing','thin'）。应先给出明确立场，然后用具体原因或例子支持。使用正确词汇（melody, mood, emotion）并注意句子简洁。

例: Yes, I believe singing can make people happier because music often lifts our mood and helps us forget worries. For instance, when I'm sad, listening to or singing an upbeat song usually makes me feel more positive.

提案: 避免用模糊和错误的名词（如'thing','thinking'）替代主语。先给出总观点，然后用连接词（but, however）对比两种情况，给出具体例子说明喜欢或不喜欢的原因。

例: Yes, it depends. I enjoy listening to someone with a beautiful voice and expressive singing, such as a skilled soloist, because their tone and phrasing are moving. However, I dislike singing that is loud and off-key, since it sounds noisy and unpleasant.

提案: 用正确的时态和表达描述经历（e.g. I took singing classes in primary and secondary school）。说明学到的具体内容或是否参加课外班，避免重复和不必要词语。

例: Yes, I took singing lessons as part of the music curriculum in primary, junior high and senior high school. We learned vocal exercises, rhythm, and simple songs, but I never attended extra private singing classes outside school.

× To be honest, I think maybe I like singing when I am alone and I can totally immerse in it.

✓ To be honest, I think maybe I like singing when I am alone and I can totally immerse myself in it.

句中缺少反身代词“myself”。动词短语“immerse in”常与反身代词连用表示“沉浸其中”。建议在“immerse”后加上“myself”，使表达完整自然。

× When there are too many people and it's noisy, I think maybe I'm too shy to think.

✓ When there are too many people and it's noisy, I think maybe I'm too shy to sing.

原句中使用了动词“think”但语境应为“唱歌（sing）”。这是词汇误用导致时态不匹配。将“think”改为“sing”以符合语境。

× Yes, when I am in the primary school, Senior High School, and the junior high school, we have the music class and everyone should attend it to learn how to think.

✓ Yes, when I was in primary school, junior high school, and senior high school, we had music classes and everyone had to attend them to learn how to sing.

时间状语指过去，应使用过去时（was/were, had）。原句学校顺序混乱，且“think”用错，应为“sing”。还需使“music class”与复数“schools”一致，改为“music classes”。建议使用过去时并修正词序与词汇。

× In this class, we have a good time and enhance our skills of singing.

✓ In that class, we had a good time and improved our singing skills.

根据上下文为过去经历，应使用过去时“had”与“improved”。“skills of singing”不自然，常说“singing skills”。另外主语“we”与动词一致需用过去式。

× To be honest, I think the one who I want to thank for is myself.

✓ To be honest, I think the one I want to thank is myself.

“the one who I want to thank for”中多余“for”。正确结构是“the one I want to thank”或“the one whom I want to thank”。去掉“for”并可以省略关系代词whom。

× In my perspective, I think seeing is the thing that can make myself happy and enjoy myself is the most significant thing.

✓ From my perspective, I think singing is what makes me happy, and enjoying myself is the most important thing.

原句“seeing”应为“singing”（笔误或拼写错误）且“make myself happy and enjoy myself”结构重复且不通顺。用“makes me happy”更自然，“the most significant thing”改为“the most important thing”。建议简化句子，使用正确动词和代词形式。

× So I don't think I would sing for others to make them happy.

✓ So I don't think I would sing for others just to make them happy.

原句时态无大错，但添加“just”更符合语境表示“只是为了使他们高兴”。保持条件和语气不变，微调词序以提高自然度。

× Yes, of course I do think seeing can bring happiness to people because when someone is thin we can immersed in the melody and all the sad things can be left for another things when we think we can bring happiness to others too.

✓ Yes, of course I do think singing can bring happiness to people, because when someone sings we can immerse ourselves in the melody and let sad things stay aside; I think we can bring happiness to others too.

句中多处错误：1)“seeing”应为“singing”；2)“someone is thin”显然是拼写或词汇错误，应为“someone sings”；3)“we can immersed”时态和形式错误，应为“we can immerse ourselves”或“we immerse ourselves”；4)“left for another things”不通，改为“let sad things stay aside”；整体需要调整以保持时态一致和代词正确。

× I think it can be divided into two parts. When someone thinking is very beautiful and I really enjoy it in the melody.

✓ I think it can be divided into two parts. When someone's singing is very beautiful, I really enjoy the melody.

原句“someone thinking”用词不当，应为“someone's singing”或“someone sings”；“I really enjoy it in the melody”不自然，改为“I really enjoy the melody”。保持时态为一般现在时。

× I do like listening to them thing. However when The thing is only noisy, I didn't like them to sing.

✓ I do like listening to them sing. However, when the singing is just noisy, I don't like them to sing.

原句结构混乱：1)“listening to them thing”应为“listening to them sing”或“listening to their singing”；2)大小写错误“The”；3)时态不一致，“didn't like”与上下文现在时冲突，应为“don't like”。建议统一时态并使用正确不定式结构或名词短语。

× Yes, I had ever taken a singing class in our primary school, Senior High School, and junior high school.

✓ Yes, I took singing classes in primary school, junior high school, and senior high school.

在英语中不使用“had ever taken”描述过去经历，通常用简单过去时“took”。另外学校顺序调整为常规顺序并将“class”改为复数“classes”。

× We have the thin class and everyone should attend it.

✓ We had music classes and everyone had to attend them.

原句“thin class”不合适，显然为拼写或词汇错误，应为“music class(es)”。根据上下文改为过去时并使用复数与“everyone”一致。

× However I don't take some any extra classes to learn listen to thing.

✓ However, I didn't take any extra classes to learn how to sing.

原句中“don't take some any”混用否定词不当且时态应为过去时，另外“learn listen to thing”结构错误，应为“learn how to sing”。建议使用“didn't take any”并改为正确动词不定式结构。