Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 用词和表达不准确（例如把“singing”错写为“seeing/Steam”），句子结构重复且不够自然。建议：1) 使用正确词汇并避免拼写错误；2) 开始时用明确的主题句，然后用1–2个简短具体的原因支持；3) 使用连接词（for example, because, and）使逻辑更连贯；4) 控制在最多5句话内。

例: Yes, I enjoy singing because it helps me express my emotions clearly. For example, when I sing a happy song I feel more cheerful, and when I sing a sad song I can release my stress. It also helps me connect with others when we share songs.

提案: 内容混乱，有无关或错误句子（例如“Do not ask their address”），影响理解。建议：1) 回答直接并给出简单原因；2) 删除无关句子；3) 提供具体细节（什么时候自学，用什么方法练习）；4) 保持句子简短且连贯。

例: No, I haven't had formal lessons. I learned to sing by myself as a child by watching videos and practicing daily, so I feel comfortable singing without a teacher.

提案: 表达反复且多次用错词（seeing/seen），导致意思模糊。建议：1) 直接回答“为谁唱”并给出理由；2) 用具体例子（例如给家人或朋友听或独自练习）；3) 使用连接词（because, so）并用正确词汇。

例: I usually prefer to sing alone because it helps me focus and express my feelings privately. However, sometimes I sing for my family when we have gatherings to make them happy.

提案: 观点基本清楚但词汇错误频繁（seeing），句子冗长且不够自然。建议：1) 用更地道的表达描述情感效用；2) 给出具体方式（e.g., relax, relieve stress）并用连接词；3) 保持句子简短明确。

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because it can lift your mood and reduce stress. For example, singing a favorite song after a hard day helps me relax and feel more positive.

提案: 表达重复且用词错误（other song/singing/seeing），缺乏具体例子。建议：1) 用清晰理由说明为何喜欢听别人唱歌（学习、享受情感）；2) 提供具体例子（e.g., learn techniques, enjoy performances）；3) 避免重复同一意思，句子更简练。

例: Yes, I enjoy listening to others sing because it helps me learn new techniques and inspires me. For instance, hearing a skilled singer can teach me about phrasing and tone, which I try to imitate when I practice.

提案: 内容明确且理由合理，但句子冗长且有不自然表达（adequate time, residual time, a variety of time）。建议：1) 用更自然简洁的表达说明时间冲突；2) 给出具体时间安排（e.g., study hours, extracurriculars）以增加细节；3) 保持句子流畅。

例: No, I haven't had any singing lessons because my study schedule is very busy. As a high school student I spend most evenings and weekends preparing for exams, so I don't have time for classes.

× Yes, definitely. On the one hand, seeing is extremely beneficial for me to express emotions.

✓ Yes, definitely. On the one hand, singing is extremely beneficial for me to express emotions.

学生将“singing（唱歌）”误写为“seeing（看）”，这是词汇错误影响句意，应改回原意的动词“Singing”。同时，“extremely beneficial for me to express emotions”结构可以接受，无需改动。建议检查词汇拼写和发音相似词的混淆。

× On the other hand, Steam can also give me an approach to communicate with others, sharing the relevant experiences and skills.

✓ On the other hand, singing can also give me a way to communicate with others and share relevant experiences and skills.

原句中用词“Steam”错误，且短语“give me an approach to communicate”搭配不自然。应使用“a way to communicate”或“an opportunity to communicate”，并将并列动词用and连接。简体中文建议：使用常见搭配“a way to communicate”和并列结构“and share ...”。

× When I was a child I usually learned it by myself, so at present I usually do not.

✓ When I was a child I usually learned it by myself, but at present I usually do not.

句中时态对比需用but连接表示转折，而不是so；另外“so at present I usually do not”结构不完整，读者不知“不做什么”。改为“but at present I usually do not”并补全上下文为“不学唱歌”。简体中文建议：用but表示与过去相反的现在情况，并明确否定对象。

× Do not ask their address. Help to learn the singing.

✓ (These sentences are unclear; possible correction:) There is no one to ask for their address or help me learn singing.

原句断裂且语义不明确，缺少主语和句子连贯性。需要重写以表达完整意思：比如想说“没有人可以让我要他们的地址或帮助我学唱歌”，应将句子合并并补充主语。简体中文建议：重写句子，明确主语、宾语和动词，确保意思完整。

× By contrast, I think singing by my own is still acceptable.

✓ By contrast, I think singing by myself is still acceptable.

“by my own”不是标准短语，正确用法为“by myself”或“on my own”。简体中文建议：使用固定反身代词短语“by myself / on my own”。

× To be honest, I only want to sing by myself because I think that seeing is the most appropriate way for your own to demonstrate your emotions and values.

✓ To be honest, I only want to sing by myself because I think that singing is the most appropriate way for one to demonstrate their emotions and values.

句中多处错误：把“singing”写成“seeing”；“for your own”用法错误，改为“for one”或“for yourself/for me”；代词与不定人称一致性问题，使用“one ... their”或改为“you ... your”。简体中文建议：注意人称一致并使用正确词汇“singing”。

× By contrast, seen to the others, we cannot express the relevant emotions too.

✓ In contrast, when seen by others, we may not be able to express those emotions well.

原句“seen to the others”语序和被动结构错误，需用“seen by others”；“cannot express the relevant emotions too”也不自然，改为“may not be able to express those emotions well”。简体中文建议：被动结构用“seen by others”，并使语气更自然。

× So that's why I think that seeing by my own is more advantageous.

✓ So that's why I think that singing by myself is more advantageous.

再次将“singing”误写为“seeing”，且“by my own”应为“by myself”。简体中文建议：改正词汇并使用正确反身代词。

× Yes, I think so. On the one hand, seeing can bring a variety of positive emotions to you.

✓ Yes, I think so. On the one hand, singing can bring a variety of positive emotions to you.

同样把“singing”误写为“seeing”。简体中文建议：注意将“singing”作为主题词正确使用。

× Besides, seeing can also demonstrate your emotions and being less strained without the potential risk of being depressed in the modern society.

✓ Besides, singing can also help you express your emotions and feel less strained, reducing the potential risk of depression in modern society.

原句“demonstrate your emotions and being less strained”结构混乱，且“being less strained”与前面并列不当，应用“help you ... and feel ...”，另“being depressed”改为“depression”。简体中文建议：将动词并列结构改为一致形式，并用名词“depression”表示“抑郁”。

× Yes I do because listening to the other song is extremely beneficial for you.

✓ Yes, I do, because listening to other people's singing is extremely beneficial for you.

“the other song”不自然，改为“other people's singing”或“other songs”；另外加上逗号使语气自然。简体中文建议：使用合适的名词短语如“other people's singing”。

× On the one hand, listening to the other singing is extremely beneficial for you to realize your drawbacks and the others advantages, accelerating you to rectify the errors.

✓ On the one hand, listening to other people's singing is extremely beneficial for you to realize your weaknesses and others' advantages, helping you correct your mistakes.

原句中“the other singing”与“the others advantages”搭配错误，应为“other people's singing”和“others' advantages/strengths”；“accelerating you to rectify”搭配不当，改为“helping you correct”。简体中文建议：注意所有格和合适搭配（help someone do sth）。

× Besides listening to the others seeing can also get the values better.

✓ Besides, listening to others sing can also help you gain more value/insights.

句子多处错误：用词“seeing”应为“sing”，结构“the others seeing”不自然，应为“listening to others sing”；“get the values better”不地道，改为“gain more insights/value”。简体中文建议：使用固定结构“listen to someone do something”，并用更自然的名词表达。

× No, I haven't, because as a Chinese high school student I do not have the adequate time to do this kind of leisure activity.

✓ No, I haven't, because as a Chinese high school student I do not have adequate time to do this kind of leisure activity.

句中“the adequate time”中定冠词“the”多余，英语中常说“have adequate time”而非“have the adequate time”。简体中文建议：去掉多余冠词，使用固定搭配“have adequate time”。

× By contrast, I always spend a variety of time on my study, so I wouldn't have the other residual time to do this kind of thing even though in the weekends.

✓ Instead, I always spend much of my time studying, so I don't have any spare time to do this kind of thing, even on weekends.

原句“spend a variety of time on my study”不自然，应为“spend much of my time studying”；“wouldn't have the other residual time”也不地道，改为“don't have any spare time”；“even though in the weekends”语法错误，应为“even on weekends”。简体中文建议：使用自然搭配“spend time doing sth”、“spare time”和介词“on weekends”。