Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammar/word choice errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct phrases like "upperbeat" to "upbeat" and "that gives" to "which give" or "which gives me" to match noun. Avoid repeating similar ideas.

例: Yes — I love singing because it lifts my mood. For example, I often listen to upbeat songs with positive lyrics when I'm commuting or exercising, and they give me an energy boost and help me focus.

提案: Use clear tenses and concise sentences. Begin with a direct topic sentence about experience, then give specific reasons using linking words like "because" or "however." Fix grammar: "extra music lessons," "formal singing lessons," "I couldn't keep up with the technique," and "I couldn't devote enough time to practice."

例: Yes. I took extra music lessons in sixth grade, but I couldn't attend regularly because the school was far from my home. Later, I tried formal singing lessons, but I struggled with the technique and, because of my medical studies, I couldn't devote enough time to improve.

提案: Make the answer more natural and grammatically correct. Start with a topic sentence, then give a specific example and use linking words. Fix phrases like "express my feeling" to "express my feelings," "it is always not enough" to "words are often not enough," and "I have also some song in my mind" to "I have a song in mind."

例: I would sing for my family because words are often not enough to express my feelings. For example, I have a song in mind that I plan to sing at their birthdays to share my emotions and open my heart to them.

提案: Improve grammar, coherence and word choice. Use one clear topic sentence then support with a specific reason using linking words. Correct verbs and articles: "Music often resonates with people's emotions," "it can create a mood for listeners," "it has the power to make people feel happy, enthusiastic or brave." Remove repetition.

例: Yes — I think singing can make people happy because music often resonates with emotions. For example, a cheerful song can lift someone's mood, while a powerful ballad can help people feel braver or process difficult feelings.

提案: Reduce hesitation and false starts; be more natural and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence and give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Correct awkward phrases: "I'm an exceptional listener" could be "I enjoy listening to others sing," and "I can sit for hours" should be used appropriately. Avoid repeating words like "mood, feelings, emotions."

例: Yes, I enjoy listening to others sing because I like hearing how they express their emotions. As a healthcare provider, I also pay attention to their tone and body language to better understand how they feel.

提案: Provide a clear, concise chronology and complete sentences. Start with a topic sentence summarising your experience, then add specific details with linking words. Fix grammar: "a couple of times," "in sixth grade," "I didn't attend consistently," and complete the last sentence (e.g., "but I had to stop because of my medical studies").

例: Yes. I tried twice: in sixth grade I attended an extra music class, but it was far from home so I couldn't go regularly. After graduation I took online singing classes, but I had to stop because my medical studies took up most of my time.

× I usually listen to upperbeat song with the positive lyrics that gives me a boost of motivation especially when I'm commuting or exercising.

✓ I usually listen to upbeat songs with positive lyrics that give me a boost of motivation, especially when I'm commuting or exercising.

Use the correct adjective 'upbeat' (not 'upperbeat'), plural 'songs' to match the general activity, and ensure subject-verb agreement: 'lyrics... give' (plural subject) not 'gives'. Also add a comma before the adverbial phrase 'especially when...'. Suggestion: learn common adjective forms and check subject-verb agreement for plural nouns.

× When I was in 6th grade, I took extra music lesson, but I couldn't attend regularly because the school was far away from my home.

✓ When I was in 6th grade, I took extra music lessons, but I couldn't attend regularly because the school was far away from my home.

Use plural 'lessons' because 'extra music lesson' refers to repeated classes; countable noun requires plural in this context. Suggestion: use plural for repeated or multiple sessions.

× After I graduated, I tried formal singing lesson but I struggled to follow the technique and didn't match such progress.

✓ After I graduated, I tried formal singing lessons, but I struggled to follow the technique and didn't make much progress.

Use plural 'lessons' and the correct collocation 'make progress' (not 'match such progress'). 'Didn't make much progress' is natural and grammatically correct. Suggestion: study common verb collocations like 'make progress'.

× I want to express my feeling with the help of a song, especially to my family because it is always not enough to say all the things I wanted to say, but singing is really a good medium.

✓ I want to express my feelings with the help of a song, especially to my family, because it's never enough to say all the things I want to say, but singing is a really good medium.

Use plural 'feelings' for general emotions. 'It is always not enough' is unidiomatic; use 'it's never enough'. Maintain present tense 'I want' consistent with general desire. Add commas for clarity. Suggestion: prefer natural phrases like 'never enough' and match singular/plural forms.

× I have also some song in my mind that I'm planning to sing on their birthday so that I can open my heart.

✓ I also have some songs in my mind that I'm planning to sing on their birthdays so that I can open my heart.

Use plural 'songs' and 'birthdays' (if referring to different family members) to match 'some'. Place 'also' after subject or before verb for smoother flow. Suggestion: ensure quantifiers ('some') agree with plural nouns.

× Music often resonate with innermost energy, it can create a vibe among the listener and it has a magic to make people happy, enthusiastic, courageous.

✓ Music often resonates with inner energy; it can create a vibe among listeners and it has the power to make people happy, enthusiastic, and courageous.

Use singular verb 'resonates' to match singular subject 'Music' (subject-verb agreement). 'Innermost energy' is awkward; 'inner energy' is better. 'Among the listener' should be 'among listeners' (plural). 'Has a magic' is unidiomatic; use 'has the power'. Also add commas and a semicolon for sentence clarity. Suggestion: check subject-verb agreement and choose natural collocations.

× That's why people love to listen music during their different emotions, so they they can process them more effectively.

✓ That's why people love to listen to music during different emotions, so they can process them more effectively.

Include the preposition 'to' after 'listen' ('listen to music'). Remove duplicate 'they'. 'Their different emotions' is wordy; 'during different emotions' or 'when experiencing different emotions' is clearer. Suggestion: remember verbs that require prepositions like 'listen to'.

× I'm an exceptional listener and I love to enjoy see people, uh, expressing, uh, their mood, their feelings, their emotions, so I can sit for hours singing any, uh, other one, uh, in front of me.

✓ I'm an attentive listener and I love to watch people expressing their moods and emotions, so I can sit for hours listening to anyone singing in front of me.

'Exceptional listener' is awkward; 'attentive listener' is more natural. 'Enjoy see' should be 'enjoy watching' or 'love to watch'. Use plural 'moods and emotions'. 'Singing any, other one' is incorrect; use 'listening to anyone singing'. Suggestion: choose correct verb + gerund forms ('enjoy watching', 'listening to').

× And uh, moreover, being a healthcare provider, I really want to understand the feeling of individuals.

✓ Moreover, as a healthcare provider, I really want to understand individuals' feelings.

Avoid redundant conjunctions ('and moreover'). Use 'as a healthcare provider' for role expression. Use plural possessive 'individuals' feelings' and ensure concise structure. Suggestion: remove filler words and combine phrases clearly.

× Yes I tried couple of time during my 6th standard I took an extra music class but that was quite far from my home and I didn't visit it consistently and eventually left it out.

✓ Yes, I tried a couple of times during my 6th grade. I took an extra music class, but it was quite far from my home, and I didn't attend consistently; eventually I dropped it.

Include article 'a' in 'a couple of times' and plural 'times'. Use '6th grade' for natural phrasing. Replace 'visit it consistently' with 'attend consistently' and 'left it out' with 'dropped it'. Add commas and proper sentence breaks. Suggestion: use standard collocations for attendance and past actions.

× And the second time after completing my graduation I started taking online classes but due to my medical study.

✓ The second time, after completing my graduation, I started taking online classes, but I had to stop because of my medical studies.

Original sentence is incomplete and lacks main clause for 'due to my medical study'. Clarify with 'I had to stop because of my medical studies.' Use plural 'studies' and add commas. Suggestion: ensure each clause has a subject and verb and avoid sentence fragments.