Memory— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答不够简洁、语法错误较多且信息组织混乱。需要：1) 以主题句直接回答问题；2) 用简单完整句子表达经历或原因（不要冗长重复）；3) 使用连接词使句子更连贯；4) 注意时态和主谓一致。示例写作结构：直接回答＋一到两句具体原因或例子（不超过5句）。

例: Not really. I found it hard to memorise things when I was a student, so I often struggled before exams. For example, I would try to cram the night before but still forget important points, which led to low scores.

提案: 回答含义模糊且句子不完整，有较多语法和表达问题。需要：1) 开门见山回答并交代具体事件；2) 使用时间顺序或因果连接词（e.g. then, so, because）；3) 避免重复和不完整的片段；4) 提供明确结局或感受。

例: Yes, once I forgot about the money my mother gave me. She gave me ¥200 to buy milk tea, but I lost it on the street and couldn't find it. As a result I was too scared to tell her and I couldn't buy the drink.

提案: 回答不够具体且表达混乱。需要：1) 用主题句直接说明需要记住的要点；2) 提供具体例子，避免模糊词（如 'council' 应为 'instructions'）；3) 用并列结构和连接词列出几项日常需记事项；4) 控制句子数量，不超过5句。

例: I need to remember several daily tasks, mainly my teacher's instructions and my work assignments. For example, I must keep track of writing tasks for my graduation project and routine chores like cleaning and shopping.

提案: 这是四个回答中最好的一条，但句子有重复和小语法错误。需要：1) 用更自然的短句替换重复表达；2) 使用连接词使示例更紧凑；3) 少用冗余词汇，注意动词形式。

例: I always write important things down because lists help me remember. For example, before I go to the supermarket I make a shopping list so I can clearly see what I have and what I need to buy.

× Not really, I usually forgetting when I was a student and before the exam I would force myself to remember the knowledge that teacher told us but finally values. So I often get a bad score in my exam because I'm not good at that.

✓ Not really. I usually forgot things when I was a student, and before an exam I would force myself to remember the knowledge that the teacher told us, but finally I failed. So I often get a bad score on my exams because I'm not good at that.

问题类型：现在时/过去时混用与时态不当。原句中使用“usually forgetting”是不正确的，现在分词不能表示习惯性的过去动作；又有“when I was a student”表明需要使用过去时。建议将“usually forgetting”改为过去式“usually forgot”；将句子拆分并补全主语和冠词（the teacher, an exam）；将不完整的“but finally values”改为语义合适的表达如“but finally I failed”或“but I still failed”。此外，“get a bad score in my exam”应改为固定搭配“get a bad score on my exams”。改写后时态一致，表意清晰。

× I have forgotten my mom gave me CN¥200 to buy the milk tea and I lost it along the street and I was so scared that but I can't remember where I put it. So I finally don't get the milk tea and get a.

✓ I once forgot the CN¥200 my mom gave me to buy milk tea; I lost it along the street and was so scared because I couldn't remember where I had put it. So I didn't get the milk tea in the end.

问题类型：过去时使用不当与时态混用。原句开头用现在完成时“I have forgotten”但叙述的是过去发生且已结束的事件，应使用一般过去时或过去完成时；此外句中出现现在时“can't remember”和否定现在“don't get”，应改为过去时“couldn't remember”“didn't get”。还需调整从句顺序与冠词，合并信息使句子更自然。建议用“I once forgot...”或“I forgot...”并在谈到先后发生的动作时使用过去完成时（had put）表示在过去某一时间点之前完成的动作。

× I have forgotten my mom gave me CN¥200 to buy the milk tea and I lost it along the street and I was so scared that but I can't remember where I put it.

✓ I once forgot the CN¥200 my mom gave me to buy milk tea; I lost it on the street and was so scared because I couldn't remember where I had put it.

问题类型：代词与从句结构问题。原句中“my mom gave me CN¥200 to buy the milk tea”需要重组以使代词和名词短语清晰；“it”指代清晰但句子过长造成逻辑混乱。建议将句子简化并明确指代顺序，用“the CN¥200 my mom gave me”或“the money my mom gave me”来避免歧义，动词时态与代词保持一致。

× I lost it along the street and I was so scared that but I can't remember where I put it.

✓ I lost it on the street and was so scared because I couldn't remember where I had put it.

问题类型：介词使用不当。英文中表示在街上丢失常用介词是“on the street”而不是“along the street”。另外“so scared that but”是不合逻辑的连词搭配，应使用“because”或删去“that”。建议使用“on the street”并调整连词和时态。

× So I finally don't get the milk tea and get a.

✓ So I didn't get the milk tea in the end.

问题类型：句子结构错误与不完整。原句混用时态（finally don't get）且句尾“and get a.”不完整且无意义。应使用过去时“didn't get”并补全短语“in the end”或“finally”来表达结果。建议删去残余部分并重写为完整的句子。

× I have to remember the council that my teacher told us, and I also have to remember some work, things like writing the graduate writer and do some chores of course.

✓ I have to remember the counsel/advice that my teacher gave us, and I also have to remember some work tasks, like writing my graduation thesis and doing some chores, of course.

问题类型：量词和词汇搭配错误。原句中“council”误用（应为“counsel”或“advice”），“some work”不够具体应为“some work tasks”或“some tasks”；“graduate writer”不合适，应为“graduation thesis”或“graduate paper”；“do some chores”需改为动名词“doing some chores”以保持平行结构。建议使用准确词汇并保持并列结构一致性。

× I have to remember the council that my teacher told us, and I also have to remember some work, things like writing the graduate writer and do some chores of course.

✓ I have to remember the advice my teacher gave us, and I also have to remember some tasks, like writing my graduation thesis and doing some chores, of course.

问题类型：动词+ -ing 形式使用不当。并列短语应保持形式一致，原句中“writing... and do some chores”前者为动名词，后者为不定式或原形动词，造成结构不平衡。建议两者都用动名词形式“writing... and doing...”以保持一致。

× I always write them down. I think write things down can make me significantly remember them. For example, I always write down what I have to buy before I go to the supermarket and with the list of things I can clearly remember and buy, what I have, what I need.

✓ I always write them down. I think writing things down helps me remember them significantly. For example, I always write down what I have to buy before I go to the supermarket, and with the list I can clearly remember what I have and what I need to buy.

问题类型：现在时与动名词使用。原句“I think write things down can make me significantly remember them”语法不正确；应使用动名词“writing”作为宾语，且动词“help”或“make”后接不定式或宾语结构更自然，建议用“helps me remember”。另外最后一句子序和标点需调整以避免重复并清晰表达“我能记住我拥有和需要的东西”。