Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your reply: start with a clear topic sentence, give one or two specific examples, and avoid repetition and fillers (uh). Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, "because", "so").

例: Yes, I consider myself a patient person. For example, as a cashier at A&W I stay calm during busy shifts because I need to focus on taking orders and serving customers quickly, which helps reduce mistakes and keep the line moving.

提案: Answer directly with a clear cause and a specific example. Avoid vague phrases like "get the peer" and remove fillers. Use linking words to explain consequences (e.g., "so", "therefore").

例: I become impatient when I overthink about the future. For instance, when I worry about achieving my career goals, I start rushing decisions because I fear falling behind, so I try to set small milestones to stay calm.

提案: Begin with a direct statement about your feeling, then give a clear condition and a concrete example. Reduce repetition and correct grammar (e.g., "if it is important to me").

例: I usually stay patient when a task takes a long time, especially if the outcome matters to me. For example, when studying for a certificate, I focus on a daily routine and break the work into parts so I don't get frustrated.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, a specific reason, and a short example of what you do when busy. Avoid vague endings and fillers, and use linking words for clarity.

例: Yes, my job requires patience because I regularly deal with long queues and demanding customers. For example, during rush hour I stay calm, speak clearly, and prioritize orders so the service remains efficient.

提案: Make a direct comparison with a reason and one concrete example. Avoid unclear phrasing (e.g., "takes exam of our patients") and reduce redundancy. Use linking words like "because" or "since".

例: Yes, I am more patient now than as a child because adult responsibilities require it. For instance, commuting by bus and working long shifts at my job taught me to wait calmly and manage stress better.

× Yes, I have a lot of patience and right now I'm doing job as a cashier in A&W restaurant where I have to keep a lot of patience in the busy shifts so I can more focus on my work and uh, we can serve quickly to the customers.

✓ Yes, I have a lot of patience and right now I'm working as a cashier at an A&W restaurant where I need to be patient during busy shifts so I can focus more on my work and we can serve customers quickly.

Errors: incorrect article use ('doing job' -> 'working as a cashier'; 'in A&W restaurant' -> 'at an A&W restaurant'); word order and word choice ('keep a lot of patience' -> 'be patient'; 'more focus on' -> 'focus more on'; 'serve quickly to the customers' -> 'serve customers quickly'). Suggestion: use correct collocations (work as, at a restaurant, be patient, focus more on, serve customers quickly) and place adverbs after the verb or before the object for natural order.

× Honestly, I always try to be patient in my daily life too, but sometimes overthinking about the future makes me impatient. Uh, it makes me impatient about the future goals like to get the peer and how I can get it and.

✓ Honestly, I always try to be patient in my daily life too, but sometimes overthinking about the future makes me impatient. It makes me anxious about future goals, such as getting a peer (or a promotion) and how I can achieve it.

Errors: awkward gerund use and unclear noun ('overthinking about' is acceptable but 'overthinking the future' is cleaner; 'to get the peer' is unclear). Suggestion: use clearer nouns and verbs ('getting', 'achieve') and avoid dangling conjunctions; replace vague words with precise ones.

× Honestly, I always try to be patient during the long time whenever I have to achieve the goals. It also depends on the things it is important for me. If it is important for me, I always try to give more focus on that things.

✓ Honestly, I always try to be patient for a long time whenever I have to achieve goals. It also depends on how important something is to me. If it is important, I try to focus on it more.

Errors: awkward tense and expressions ('during the long time' -> 'for a long time'); incorrect pronoun and article use ('that things' -> 'it' or 'those things'); word order ('give more focus on' -> 'focus on it more'). Suggestion: use 'for a long time' for duration, use 'how important something is to me' structure, and use correct pronouns.

× Yes, right now I am doing job as a cashier in A&W restaurant. It's a very busy restaurant where I have to handle the customers during the busy situations and all. Uh, and I always try to give more focus on the things, so we, it helps me to the things quickly and.

✓ Yes, right now I am working as a cashier at an A&W restaurant. It's a very busy place where I have to deal with customers during peak periods. I always try to focus on my tasks, which helps me serve customers quickly.

Errors: incorrect article and collocations ('doing job' -> 'working as a cashier'; 'in A&W restaurant' -> 'at an A&W restaurant'); redundant phrasing ('busy situations and all'); incorrect pronoun/reference and word order ('give more focus on the things' -> 'focus on my tasks'; 'it helps me to the things quickly' -> 'helps me serve customers quickly'). Suggestion: use natural collocations and concise phrasing; replace vague words with specific ones.

× Yes, of course, nowadays I am more patient as compared to my childhood days. Uh, in Canada we have to keep lot of patience to reach our goals and it also takes exam of our patients during the daily days for the long bit of the buses and also to handle the lot of customers.

✓ Yes, of course. Nowadays I am more patient compared to when I was a child. In Canada we need a lot of patience to reach our goals, and daily life tests our patience when waiting for long bus rides and dealing with many customers.

Errors: incorrect comparative phrasing ('more patient as compared to my childhood days' -> 'more patient compared to when I was a child'); article and noun errors ('keep lot of patience' -> 'need a lot of patience'; 'exam of our patients' -> 'tests our patience'); incorrect pluralization and word choice ('daily days', 'long bit of the buses'). Suggestion: use 'compared to' or 'than' for comparisons, 'a lot of patience', and 'tests our patience'; use precise nouns and natural expressions for everyday situations.