Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using linking words. Correct minor grammar (use ’in’ rather than ’at’, remove duplicate words, and adjust adjective order). For example: say where it is, mention one distinctive feature, and give a brief supporting detail.

例: I’m from Ormoc City in Leyte. It’s a small but vibrant city with relatively modern infrastructure, and many people say it’s livelier than other towns in the province.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence, avoid hesitation and repetition, and separate ideas with linking words. Provide specific examples of the foods or a brief reason why people are friendly. For example: name one or two local dishes and explain why the people are friendly (e.g., community events, festivals).

例: I love the friendly people in my hometown and its unique local food. For instance, there’s a popular delicacy called binagol, and people are very welcoming because the community often organizes festivals and neighborhood gatherings.

提案: Be more concise and natural. Give a direct answer and a brief follow-up if needed. Avoid redundant phrasing like ’so that would mean’ and ’up until now’.

例: I’ve lived there since I was born, so I’m 21 years old and have lived there for 21 years.

提案: Start with a clear opinion, then support it with two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., because, so). Avoid contradictory phrases and unclear wording. Use one concise sentence for opinion and one for support.

例: Yes, I think it’s good for young people because the city is fairly calm and affordable. Also, there are community activities and small businesses that help young people gain work experience.

× My hometown is at Ormock City, Leyte.

✓ My hometown is in Ormock City, Leyte.

Use 'in' with cities and towns, not 'at'. 'At' is used for specific points or events (e.g., 'at the station'). Use 'in' to indicate location within a city or town.

× It is a small and vibrant bright, vibrant city in the province of Leyte with a quite modern infrastructure.

✓ It is a small, bright, and vibrant city in the province of Leyte with quite modern infrastructure.

Adjectives should be ordered and separated by commas: 'small, bright, and vibrant'. Remove duplicate 'vibrant'. Use 'quite modern infrastructure' (no 'a') because 'infrastructure' is an uncountable noun here; 'a quite modern infrastructure' is awkward.

× What I love the most in my hometown are the friendly people that I that I know quite a lot of people and those delicious delicacies or food that can only be seen in our city.

✓ What I love most about my hometown are the friendly people, whom I know quite well, and the delicious delicacies that can only be found in our city.

Original sentence is repetitive and ungrammatical. Use 'about' after 'love' when referring to aspects. Use 'whom' to refer to people as objects and 'know quite well' rather than 'know quite a lot of people'. 'Delicacies that can only be found' is natural; avoid 'seen' for food.

× I have lived there since I was born. I'm currently 21 years of age so that would mean I have lived there for over 21 years up until now.

✓ I have lived there since I was born. I'm currently 21 years old, so that means I have lived there for 21 years.

Use '21 years old' instead of '21 years of age' for natural speech; 'that would mean' is unnecessarily tentative—use 'that means'. 'For over 21 years' conflicts with 'since I was born' and exact age; choose 'for 21 years' to match age.

× Yes it is. It's because Ormock City is not that chaotic and a very bustling one.

✓ Yes, it is. That's because Ormock City is not chaotic and is not very bustling.

Pronoun 'it's' followed by 'because' is acceptable but sentence needed commas. 'Not that chaotic and a very bustling one' is contradictory and ungrammatical; rephrase to clearly state it's neither chaotic nor very bustling. Avoid using 'one' after a city; repeat the noun or use 'it'.

× And as I've said, it's like a small and modest city where you can strive with being quiet and not living with this very fast-paced life.

✓ As I said, it's a small, modest city where you can live quietly and not have a very fast-paced life.

'It's like' is unnecessary—use 'it's'. 'Strive with being quiet' is incorrect; use 'live quietly'. 'Not living with this very fast-paced life' is awkward—use 'not have a very fast-paced life'. Removed conjunction 'And' at sentence start for formality.