Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence naming the town and its location, avoid repetitions and fillers, and add one specific detail. Use at most 3–4 short sentences and one linking word if adding detail.

例: My hometown is Darling in Bakhmuti Province, Nepal. It's a small town surrounded by green hills and rice terraces. Because of its peaceful environment, many people enjoy long walks there.

提案: This answer is generally good—clear and relevant. Improve by adding one specific example or reason and a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., 'for example' or 'also'). Keep responses to 2–3 sentences max.

例: I like my hometown because the people are friendly and helpful. For example, neighbors often organize community festivals, and the nearby hills and green countryside are perfect for weekend walks.

提案: Organize chronologically and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence about how long you lived there, then give one concise supporting detail (education or reason for leaving). Correct grammar (past tense) and use linking words like 'until' or 'before'.

例: I lived in Darling for most of my life; I was born and raised there. I completed my schooling there until I left about a year ago when my family moved for my father's studies.

提案: Provide a clear opinion sentence then two specific reasons with examples. Remove fillers and repetitions. Use linking words like 'because' or 'also' and correct phrasing for young people/children (e.g., 'young people can learn many things'). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think it's a good place for young people because the peaceful environment and natural spaces encourage outdoor activities. Also, the friendly community supports growth—children often learn traditional skills and join community events.

× It is, which is located in Bakhmuti province.

✓ It is located in Bakhmuti Province.

Unnecessary 'which' and awkward 'It is, which is located' creates a clause error. Use 'It is located in...' to correctly express existence/location with a referring subject. Also capitalize 'Province' if part of a proper name.

× It's a beautiful, uh, beauty.

✓ It's a beautiful place.

'Beauty' is a noun; using it after 'beautiful' (an adjective) is incorrect and redundant. Replace the phrase with the adjective + noun 'beautiful place' to convey meaning clearly.

× It's a beautiful place with a, with a peaceful environment.

✓ It's a beautiful place with a peaceful environment.

Repeated filler words 'with a, with a' break sentence flow. Remove the repetition to form a correct noun phrase 'with a peaceful environment'.

× I really like, uh, I really like the natural scenery there.

✓ I really like the natural scenery there.

Repeating 'I really like' is a speech disfluency; grammatically the sentence is fine without repetition. Remove the repeated phrase for clarity.

× I was born and raised in my hometown and I spend my I spend my most of most of life in there.

✓ I was born and raised in my hometown and I spent most of my life there.

Multiple issues: tense should be past ('spent') since born/raised are past; 'most of my life' is correct phrase order; 'in there' is incorrect — use 'there' without 'in'. Also remove repeated fragments.

× I complete my education up to grade too well.

✓ I completed my education up to grade two.

Tense should be past ('completed') to match life events. 'Too' is incorrect; use 'two' (number). 'Well' is unnecessary here and changes meaning. Keep simple past and correct numeral.

× I left my hometown before one year ago for my father studies.

✓ I left my hometown one year ago for my father's studies.

Do not use 'before' with a clear time expression 'one year ago'. Use either 'one year ago' or 'before'. Also possessive 'father's studies' is needed; 'for my father's studies' indicates reason. Tense 'left' is correct.

× Yeah, definitely. I think that my hometown is a good place for young people because, uh, because, uh, because, because, uh, because of its natural beauty, health, and peaceful surroundings.

✓ Yeah, definitely. I think that my hometown is a good place for young people because of its natural beauty, healthy environment, and peaceful surroundings.

Reduce repeated fillers 'because' and reorganize noun list. 'Health' as a noun is unclear here; use 'healthy environment' or 'good public health' depending on meaning. Keep sentence concise and parallel in structure.

× People are friendly, uh, you, you, you young child, uh, children's, uh, children learn, uh, more, more thing.

✓ People are friendly, and children learn many things.

The original contains repeated fillers and mixed second- and third-person pronouns ('you' and 'children's') causing confusion. Use third-person plural 'children' consistently and a clear verb 'learn' with object 'many things'. Remove disfluencies.