Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答信息不够自然且有些不相关或用词错误（例如“consumption is not expensive”表意不清）。应直接回答地点并补充一到两条相关且具体的细节，句子简洁，避免历史信息堆砌或语法问题。练习时注意使用正确词汇表达“生活成本低”或“以山闻名”。

例: I come from Hengeon, a small city in the mountains. It’s famous for the nearby Hengeon Peak and has a low cost of living, which makes it popular with retirees. The city also played an important role in local history during the anti-Japanese war.

提案: 回答较好，直接回应问题并列出三个理由，但可以更具体、用连接词使逻辑更清晰，例如举例说明“rich tourist attractions”中的具体景点或说明气候如何舒适。控制在最多5句话内，保持自然表达。

例: I like my hometown because it has a long history dating back to 600 AD, which you can see in its ancient temples and old town streets. In addition, it has many tourist attractions like the Hengeon Peak and hot springs, and the mild climate makes it pleasant year-round.

提案: 回答没有直接给出时间长度，内容偏离问题并包含不合适或令人困惑的叙述（关于死亡的描述不必要）。应先给出明确的时间（例如“all my life”或“for 20 years”），然后添加一两句相关细节。避免冗长或不相关的话题。

例: I’ve lived there all my life, about 22 years. I grew up with many childhood friends, and my best friend still lives in the same town, so I have a lot of shared memories there.

提案: 回答直接且有理由支撑，但表达上有语法和用词问题（例如“serious population loss in aging population”重复且冗长）。应用更简洁的句子，用连接词（however, because）增强逻辑，并举一两个具体例子说明不便之处或改善建议。

例: I don’t think it’s very suitable for young people because many young people move away, leaving an ageing population. For example, there are few entertainment venues and public transport is limited in the surrounding rural areas, so commuting to school or work can be difficult.

× Grew up in my hometown where I have many memories.

✓ I grew up in my hometown, where I have many memories.

句子缺少主语和正确时态标记。原句以过去经历为主，应使用带主语的过去式“I grew up”。另外，在主句与定语从句之间加逗号使结构更清晰。建议总是写出主语并确保动词时态与语境一致。

× I have experienced the deaths of many elderly people in the growth of many lives.

✓ I have experienced the deaths of many elderly people as I grew up.

原句“in the growth of many lives”表达不自然且语法不当。应使用与现在完成时连用的短语来表经历（have experienced），并用短语“as I grew up”明确时间背景。保持时态一致，避免使用不合适的名词性搭配。

× There is a serious population loss in aging population here.

✓ There is a serious loss of population due to aging here.

原句中“population”重复且搭配不当，导致主谓或短语不一致。改为“loss of population due to aging”更符合英语表达，主语是“a serious loss”，动词“is”与单数主语一致。

× They are basically no leisure places and it is very inconvenient to travel and go to school in some remote rural and mountain villages.

✓ There are basically no leisure places, and it is very inconvenient to travel or go to school in some remote rural and mountain villages.

原句开头用“They”指代不明且不合适，应该用“There are”来说明存在（存在句）。此外连接词用“or”更符合“travel or go to school”的并列关系。建议使用存在句结构来描述“没有某物”。

× I come from Hengeon, a city named after a famous mountain peak where consumption is not expensive.

✓ I come from Hengeon, a city named after a famous mountain peak where the cost of living is not high.

“consumption is not expensive”是直接从中文翻译过来的字面表达，英语中通常用“cost of living is not high”来表示消费水平低。调整为名词短语“the cost of living”并用形容词短语“not high”更自然。

× Our city is famous for the defense of Hanjong during the anti Japanese war.

✓ Our city is famous for its defense of Hanjong during the Anti-Japanese War.

应使用所有格“its defense”来表示城市的防御行为，且“Anti-Japanese War”作为专有名词应大写并用连字符。介词“for”后接名词短语“its defense of Hanjong”更合适。

× My best friend also grew up in the same place as me.

✓ My best friend also grew up in the same place as I did.

口语中常用“the same place as me”，但在书面语中更正式且语法完整的形式是“the same place as I did”（补上动词）。建议在正式回答中补全省略的谓语以保持结构完整。

× I like my hometown because of its long history dating back to 600 AD, as well as its rich tourist attractions and comfortable climate.

✓ I like my hometown because of its long history, dating back to 600 AD, as well as its rich tourist attractions and comfortable climate.

原句本身时态正确，但缺少逗号来分隔非限制性定语“dating back to 600 AD”，加逗号能让句子结构更清晰。建议在类似的非限制性短语前后使用标点以提高可读性。