Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fillers (uh, I) and grammar mistakes (use correct tense and articles). Use linking words like "but" or "although" for contrast and correct noun forms ("called New Moscow", "a village").

例: I come from New Moscow, a suburban district near Moscow, Russia. Although it is quite far from the city centre, it is well connected by road and public transport, so living there feels like being in a quiet village while still having access to the city.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then two specific, well-structured supporting details. Avoid vague or incorrect word choices ("really green", "good flooring, fondness"). Use linking phrases such as "for example" and "in addition" and correct collocations ("green spaces", "surrounded by nature", "birds singing"). Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I like the peaceful, green atmosphere of my suburb. For example, it has many parks and gardens, and houses are surrounded by trees, so I often wake up to birdsong. In addition, the quiet streets make it pleasant for walking and relaxing.

提案: Begin with a direct answer about duration, then explain briefly why you might not want to stay long. Correct grammar (use present perfect: "I've lived there all my life") and avoid repetition. Use linking words like "however" or "but" to show contrast and provide specific examples (commute times, lack of services).

例: I've lived there all my life. However, I wouldn't want to stay permanently because the commute to the city centre and to universities takes a long time, which makes daily life less convenient.

提案: Start with a clear balanced opinion and use correct linking phrases: "On the one hand... On the other hand..." Provide specific examples of positives and negatives and conclude with a brief opinion. Fix grammar and vocabulary ("there is a lack of recreational facilities/public spaces"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: On the one hand, my hometown is good for young people because it has schools, colleges and a public library. On the other hand, it lacks recreational facilities and lively public spaces, so some young people may find it boring. Overall, it depends on whether someone prefers a quiet or active lifestyle.

× I, it called new Moscow.

✓ It is called New Moscow.

Incorrect use of 'I' and missing 'be' verb. Use 'It is called New Moscow' to indicate the name of the place. Capitalize proper noun 'New Moscow'.

× We kind of relatively far away from the center of the city, but at the same time we are connected to the city, so it's really kind of village.

✓ We are relatively far from the centre of the city, but at the same time we are connected to it, so it's really kind of a village.

Missing auxiliary 'are' for present state and incorrect word order 'kind of relatively'. Use 'relatively far' and include article 'a' before 'village'. Replace 'the city' with pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition.

× I think the peace and quiet of the of my suburb because it really green, there are good flooring, fondness surrounding me and I love hearing birds singing and just feel the life teeming through like throughout my entire village and also I love the location it's quite peaceful.

✓ I think the peace and quiet of my suburb are great because it is really green; there are good flowers and greenery surrounding me, and I love hearing birds singing and feeling life teeming throughout my village. I also love the location; it's quite peaceful.

Multiple issues: 'peace and quiet' is a compound subject requiring plural verb 'are'; missing verb 'is' before 'really green'; 'flooring' is incorrect word choice — likely 'flowers' or 'greenery'; 'fondness' is incorrect — removed and clarified; sentence run-on fixed with punctuation and parallel verb forms ('hearing' and 'feeling'). Use 'throughout' once. Maintain present simple to describe habitual facts.

× I've been living there for my entire life.

✓ I have lived there my entire life.

For a life-long state, present perfect simple 'have lived' is more natural than present perfect continuous. Both can be acceptable, but 'have lived' fits better for a permanent residence.

× I won't say I I love to live there for longer because it's quite far from the center and it is really time consuming to actually travel to school, universities and others facilities.

✓ I wouldn't say I would like to live there longer because it's quite far from the centre and it is really time-consuming to travel to school, universities and other facilities.

Original uses double 'I' and incorrect modal 'won't' for hypothetical preference. Use 'wouldn't say' and 'would like' to express hypothetical willingness. Fix 'time consuming' to hyphenated adjective 'time-consuming' and 'others facilities' to 'other facilities'.

× In one hand, yes, because there are all establishments like educational establishments and libraries, but on the other hand, no, because it's quite boring and their lack of recreational areas and also public places.

✓ On the one hand, yes, because there are many establishments like schools and libraries; but on the other hand, no, because it's quite boring and there is a lack of recreational areas and public places.

Use fixed phrase 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'. 'Their lack' incorrectly uses possessive pronoun; use 'there is a lack of'. Replace 'all establishments' with 'many establishments' and 'educational establishments' with 'schools' for clarity. Ensure subject-verb agreement 'there is'.