Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetitions and filler sounds, and add one specific detail. Use one or two linking words if needed. Pronounce proper nouns clearly.

例: My hometown is Dadding, which is in Bagmati Province. It is a small town with a calm, rural atmosphere and scenic hills nearby.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then add specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce repetition and filler words. Mention concrete examples of what makes it beautiful and why memories matter.

例: What I like most about my hometown is its natural beauty and peacefulness. For example, there are rice terraces and a clear river where I played as a child, so many of my fond memories are tied to those places.

提案: Answer directly with correct grammar and give a concise reason or timeline. Avoid unclear phrases and filler words. Use linking words to connect the time period and the reason clearly.

例: I lived there for about 18 years. Then I moved to Kathmandu for my father's studies and to continue my own education.

提案: State your opinion clearly and support it with two specific reasons. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' and avoid repeating words. Suggest a possible improvement to show balance.

例: I don't think it's a very good place for young people because there are few high-quality schools and limited job opportunities. For example, many young people move to cities to find better education and work.

× My hometown is Dadding uh, It is located in It is located in uh Bagmati province.

✓ My hometown is Dadding. It is located in Bagmati Province.

Original repeats 'It is located' and lacks correct punctuation. Use a period to separate clauses and remove duplication. Capitalize 'Province' as part of the proper name. Ensure concise 'There be' style by using 'It is located' once.

× It is beautiful and peaceful environment.

✓ It has a beautiful and peaceful environment.

The original lacks a linking verb and article; an adjective phrase cannot directly modify 'It'. Use 'has' to describe the environment, and include the article 'a' before 'beautiful'. Alternatively say 'It is beautiful and peaceful'.

× I like most about my hometown is, umm, it is, It is naturally beautiful, beautiful, peaceful, uh, and a lots of, a lot of my, uh, childhood memory.

✓ What I like most about my hometown is that it is naturally beautiful and peaceful, and it holds many of my childhood memories.

Original has incorrect sentence structure and word order ('I like most about my hometown is' is ungrammatical). Use a cleft structure 'What I like most about my hometown is that...' Remove repetition and use 'many of my childhood memories' instead of 'a lots of'. Use singular 'memory' vs plural 'memories' correctly.

× I have lived there around 18 years, umm, because for my graduate provision, uh, and I came in KT Kathmandu for my father studies.

✓ I have lived there for about 18 years because of my graduate program, and I came to Kathmandu for my father's studies.

Use 'have lived' with 'for' to indicate duration: 'for about 18 years'. 'Around' is informal but acceptable; 'for about' is better. 'Because for' is wrong; use 'because of'. Use 'came to Kathmandu' not 'came in'. Use possessive 'father's studies' and 'graduate program' rather than 'provision'.

× Unfortunately, I think my hometown is that not that not so good for young people because because of lack of lack of high quality education opportunities, facilities so.

✓ Unfortunately, I think my hometown is not very good for young people because of the lack of high-quality educational opportunities and facilities.

Original contains repetition ('that not that not', 'because because', 'lack of lack of'), awkward word order, and missing articles. Use 'is not very good' instead of double negatives. Use 'because of the lack of' and hyphenate 'high-quality' and use 'educational opportunities' rather than 'education opportunities'. Remove trailing 'so'.