Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetition, and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Also correct minor grammar (e.g., "famous for its royal architecture").

例: My hometown is Bikaner, a city in Rajasthan. It is best known for its historic palaces and forts, and for local foods like spicy snacks and sweet treats. In addition, the city’s traditional festivals attract many visitors.

提案: Organize your response: give a clear topic sentence, then two specific points with brief supporting details, and avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words (for example, "Firstly," "Also").

例: I mainly like the food and the historic architecture in my hometown. Firstly, the local cuisine is rich and spicy, especially snacks like kachori and sweets such as rasgulla. Also, the royal buildings and quiet streets give the city a peaceful, timeless atmosphere.

提案: Use correct tense and a concise structure: begin with the length, then add two specific supporting details (education, friends) using linking words. Fix tense (use present perfect or present simple when appropriate).

例: I lived in Bikaner for twenty years, which is where I spent my childhood. During that time I completed my schooling and made lifelong friends; later I moved to Jaipur for my undergraduate studies.

提案: Provide a clear opinion with reasons and avoid repetition. Start with a direct answer, then give two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Improve grammar and phrasing (e.g., "peaceful" not "peacefully").

例: Not really — it’s a small, peaceful city but it offers limited opportunities for young people. For example, there are few career options and limited entertainment or professional networks, so many young people move to larger cities to advance their careers.

× My hometown is Bikaner, which is situated in Rajasthan and it is famous for its, uh, heritage and rich flavours and famous for royal architectures and the food is here is very delicious.

✓ My hometown is Bikaner, which is situated in Rajasthan. It is famous for its heritage and rich flavors, its royal architecture, and its delicious food.

The original sentence has wordiness, repetition and incorrect noun forms ('architectures' should be 'architecture') and misplaced phrases. Split into two sentences and use possessive 'its' to link descriptors. Use singular uncountable 'architecture' and avoid repeating 'famous for'. This improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I like the food, uh, it is very delicious and very rich in flavors. Uh, I like the architectures, the royal buildings and the peace which it has and uh, the, the food is there is very rich in flavors and it has spicy sweets and everything.

✓ I like the food; it is very delicious and rich in flavor. I also like the royal buildings and the peaceful atmosphere. The food includes many spicy sweets and other dishes.

Multiple issues: 'architectures' is incorrect plural; use 'architecture' or 'buildings'. 'Rich in flavors' is awkward; use 'rich in flavor'. Remove repeated fragments and filler words. Replace 'the peace which it has' with 'the peaceful atmosphere'. Rephrase redundant parts for natural English.

× I lived there for 20 years and that is where I spend my childhood.

✓ I lived there for 20 years, and that is where I spent my childhood.

The sentence mixes past and present. 'Lived' is past, so 'spend' should be past tense 'spent' to match. Use a comma before the conjunction for readability.

× I have my childhood friends and I studied there.

✓ I still have my childhood friends, and I studied there.

The original 'I have my childhood friends' is grammatically possible but sounds incomplete; adding 'still' clarifies continuity. Maintain past tense for 'studied' to match the timeframe.

× My schooling and my college I did there.

✓ I did my schooling and college there.

Word order is awkward. Place the object 'my schooling and college' before the verb 'did' for natural English. Alternatively use 'I completed my schooling and college there.'

× Then I came here with Jaipur for my undergraduate programs.

✓ Then I came here from Jaipur for my undergraduate program.

Use 'from Jaipur' to indicate origin, not 'with Jaipur'. 'Undergraduate program' is usually singular when referring to the course of study. 'Programs' implies multiple; choose singular unless multiple programs were attended.

× No, it's just a small city and if you want to have experience in your life, if you want to do something new, then you have to leave that city because life is there is very peace peacefully, but it's not good for if you want to have experience in your life or move forward in your life.

✓ No, it's just a small city. If you want new experiences or to move forward in life, you have to leave because life there is very peaceful and limited in opportunities.

The original contains repetition, awkward phrasing ('life is there is very peace peacefully'), and poorly connected clauses. Split into sentences, remove redundancy, replace 'have experience in your life' with 'want new experiences', and correct adverb/adjective use: 'peaceful' describes 'life', not 'peacefully' here. Clarify 'limited in opportunities' to explain why leaving is needed.