Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and accurate: start with a direct topic sentence stating the town's name and location. Avoid incorrect words/phrases (e.g. “tongue,” “Deadpool”) and check grammar (articles, prepositions). Use one or two specific supporting details with correct vocabulary and avoid redundancy. Keep the response under five sentences.

例: I come from Udaipur, which is in the western part of India. It is often called the “City of Lakes” because it has many historic lakes, and it also has a strong Rajput warrior heritage. The town is known for its old palaces and village-style history, which attract many visitors.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming one or two main likes, then expand with specific examples using linking words (for example, because, and, moreover). Avoid repetition and filler words. Mention concrete details (names of mountains, activities) to be more vivid and use correct sentence structure.

例: I love the natural beauty and friendly community in my hometown. For example, the city is surrounded by the Aravalli mountains, which offer hiking trails and scenic views, and there are several lakes where people go boating and relax with family.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time frame (how many years or from which age). Avoid confusing phrasing and irrelevant details. If you explain reasons for moving, link them logically and keep sentences concise. Use correct terms (e.g. “moved to the town,” “after my 10th board exams”).

例: I lived in my hometown from the age of 16, so I have been there for about ten years. I moved there after my 10th board exams because my parents worked in another city, and I completed both my undergraduate and graduate studies in that town.

提案: Start with a clear opinion, then support it with two or three specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, furthermore). Avoid filler sounds (uh) and vague phrases like “build a life” without examples. Mention concrete opportunities (parks, colleges, jobs, cultural events) to strengthen your answer.

例: Yes, I believe it is a great place for young people because of its pleasant climate and many outdoor spaces. For instance, there are numerous parks and lakes where friends meet, and the city also has good colleges and cultural festivals that provide social and learning opportunities.

× My tongue is in a Deadpool.

✓ My town is in Deadpool.

The student likely meant 'town' not 'tongue'; 'the' before proper name 'Deadpool' is unnecessary. Use the noun 'town' for hometown. Suggestion: say 'My town is in Deadpool.'

× It's the westernmost part of the India and it's often called the city of lakes because there are many lakes and also land of warriors and conquers.

✓ It's in the westernmost part of India and it's often called the 'city of lakes' because there are many lakes and it is also a land of warriors and conquerors.

Do not use 'the' before country name 'India'. Use 'in the westernmost part of India.' Also 'land of warriors and conquers' is incorrect: 'conquerors' is the correct noun. Use 'it is' or 'it's' consistently. Suggestion: remove 'the' before 'India' and correct 'conquerors.'

× It carries a very beautiful village history.

✓ It has a very beautiful village history.

'Carry' is not used for possessing history; use 'has' to show possession. Suggestion: say 'It has a very beautiful village history.'

× There are so many things I love about my hometown.

✓ There are so many things I love about my hometown.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. (Included for completeness.)

× Firstly, it's the environment and the people and beautiful mountains.

✓ Firstly, I love the environment, the people, and the beautiful mountains.

Original lacks a clear subject and parallel structure. Use 'I love' and list items with commas and 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: maintain parallelism in lists.

× It's it's the city which is covered by the Aravalli mountains all around and all the beautiful lakes.

✓ It's the city that is surrounded by the Aravalli Mountains and has many beautiful lakes.

Remove duplicate 'it's', use 'that' or 'which' correctly; 'surrounded by' is more natural than 'covered by all around.' Capitalize 'Mountains' if part of proper name. Suggestion: 'It's the city that is surrounded by the Aravalli Mountains and has many beautiful lakes.'

× My parents have their job in another city and another state, so I've done my basic schooling from another city and then I've shifted to the pool after my 10th board exam.

✓ My parents have jobs in another city and state, so I did my basic schooling in another city and then I moved to the town after my 10th board exam.

'Have their job' is incorrect: use 'have jobs' or 'work' in another city. For past action use past simple 'did' and 'moved' rather than present perfect 'I've done'/'I've shifted' when specifying a completed past time ('after my 10th board exam'). Also 'pool' likely should be 'place' or 'town'; use 'town.' Suggestion: use 'did' and 'moved' for completed past events and correct nouns.

× So yeah, I have done my graduate and undergraduate from there.

✓ So yeah, I completed my undergraduate and graduate studies there.

'Have done my graduate and undergraduate' is awkward. Standard phrasing: 'completed my undergraduate and graduate studies' or 'I earned my bachelor's and master's degrees.' Use past simple 'completed' for finished education. Also order: undergraduate then graduate.

× Yes, I think it's a great place for young people.

✓ Yes, I think it's a great place for young people.

This sentence is correct; no change needed.

× The city has beautiful scenery, pleasant weather year around, and plenty of parks and lakes where young people can relax and socialize.

✓ The city has beautiful scenery, pleasant year-round weather, and plenty of parks and lakes where young people can relax and socialize.

Use 'year-round' as a hyphenated adjective before 'weather.' 'Year around' is nonstandard. Suggestion: use 'year-round.'

× Uh, these features make it easy, uh, to build a life.

✓ These features make it easy to build a life here.

Remove hesitation 'uh' and add 'here' for clarity about location. Suggestion: 'These features make it easy to build a life here.'