Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Correct the city name spelling and make the response more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence naming your hometown, then add one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Avoid redundancy and keep it under five sentences.

例: My hometown is Seoul, where I was born and raised. It’s a bustling, densely populated city with excellent public transport and many parks, which makes getting around and relaxing easy.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then give specific examples and a brief reason. Avoid incorrect or unclear words (e.g., ‘humanities’) and unnecessary repetition. Use a linking word to connect the examples to the reason.

例: I like how convenient Seoul is. For example, it has efficient public transport, many parks and cultural attractions, so people can easily balance work and leisure.

提案: Begin with a concise time statement, then give one or two specific reasons. Combine related ideas with linking words to avoid repetition. Keep sentences natural and avoid over-explaining family decisions.

例: I’ve lived in Seoul for about 24 years since I was born. My parents stayed because of the good schools and job opportunities, so our family has remained here.

提案: Give a direct opinion, then support it with two clear, specific reasons. Correct awkward phrasing and remove unclear fragments. Mention affordability as a drawback succinctly and use linking words for coherence.

例: Yes, generally it is, although housing can be expensive. It offers many amenities—parks, gyms and shopping—and numerous companies, which provide good job and lifestyle options for young people.

× Soul is my hometown where I was born and raised, but the city is really bustling and crowded because there are many people who come to Seoul for work or school.

✓ Seoul is my hometown; I was born and raised there, and the city is really bustling and crowded because many people come to Seoul for work or school.

The sentence has sentence structure problems and a misspelling of 'Seoul'. It originally combined clauses awkwardly ('Soul is my hometown where I was born and raised') and used an unnecessary 'there are' before 'many people who come to Seoul'. Use a semicolon or split into two sentences to separate the identification of the hometown from the explanation. Replace 'Soul' with 'Seoul' and remove the redundant 'there are' to make the sentence clearer. Suggestion: Say 'Seoul is my hometown; I was born and raised there' or 'I was born and raised in Seoul.'

× There are lots of amenities like parks, public transport.

✓ There are lots of amenities, such as parks and public transport.

The original sentence ends abruptly and uses 'like' informally. For clarity and formality, use 'such as' and include a parallel structure 'parks and public transport'. Also finish the sentence with a period. Suggestion: Use 'such as' when providing examples in formal speech.

× Convenience is the major advantage of the city because there are lots of humanities like nearby parks, public transport infrastructure or some cultural attractions, so we can enjoy the lives and work at the same time here.

✓ Convenience is the city's main advantage because there are many amenities, such as nearby parks, public transport infrastructure, and cultural attractions, so we can enjoy life and work at the same time here.

Problems: 'major' is acceptable but 'main' is more natural; 'humanities' is incorrect when referring to amenities or cultural facilities; 'lots of' is informal—'many' is better; 'the lives' is incorrect—use 'life' in general. Also use parallel list structure with commas and 'and'. Suggestion: Replace 'humanities' with 'amenities' or 'cultural facilities' and use 'enjoy life' rather than 'the lives'.

× I have lived here for around 24 years because I was born and raised here.

✓ I have lived here for around 24 years because I was born and raised here.

This sentence is acceptable grammatically: present perfect 'have lived' is correct to indicate duration up to now, and 'was born and raised here' explains the reason. No correction needed. Note: Keep both clauses as they correctly reflect present perfect for duration and past simple for past events.

× I think my parents wanted me to live here because of education quality and schools, universities and also my dad had to work here.

✓ I think my parents wanted me to live here because of the quality of education and the schools and universities, and also because my dad had to work here.

The phrase 'education quality' is awkward; use 'the quality of education'. Lists of nouns require articles for clarity: 'the schools and universities'. Also add 'because' before the final reason to show cause. Suggestion: Use 'the quality of education' and repeat 'because' or restructure the sentence for clarity.

× So we've never left Seoul.

✓ So we've never left Seoul.

This sentence is grammatically correct: 'we've' (we have) with the past participle 'left' correctly indicates an action that has not happened up to now. No correction needed.

× I think so, as long as they can afford to live here.

✓ I think so, as long as they can afford to live here.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable and fits the context. No change necessary. It correctly uses the conditional phrase 'as long as'.

× Since there are lots of amenities like parks, fitness centers, shopping malls, it's really convenient to live here and also there are enough housing and good companies.

✓ Since there are many amenities, such as parks, fitness centers, and shopping malls, it's really convenient to live here; there is also adequate housing and good companies.

Use 'many' instead of informal 'lots of' in formal corrections; use 'such as' for examples and ensure parallel list formatting. 'There are enough housing' is incorrect because 'housing' is an uncountable noun and requires 'adequate' or 'enough housing' without 'there are' counting structure—better: 'there is adequate housing'. Suggestion: Replace 'lots of' with 'many' and use 'there is adequate housing'.

× The young people want to go to the places the best for the young 1.

✓ Young people tend to go to places that are best for them.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and confusing: 'the places the best for the young 1' is unclear. Fix sentence structure by using a relative clause 'places that are best for them' and avoid unnecessary articles. Also 'young people' without 'the' is general. Suggestion: Use 'Young people tend to go to places that are best for them' or 'Young people prefer places that suit them best.'