Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence about your hometown location. Avoid grammatical errors (use present perfect only when appropriate), redundant phrases, and run-on sentences. Add one or two specific details about the place using linking words. Keep answers under five sentences.

例: I was born and raised in Amritsar, but I currently live in Jalandhar after marriage. Jalandhar is known for its good schools and hospitals, and it also has several large shopping centres, which makes daily life convenient.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then give one specific example and link it with a connector. Remove fillers like 'uh' and avoid vague phrases. Use correct tense and prepositions.

例: I especially like the shopping centres in my hometown because they offer a wide variety of stores. For example, I visited a large mall last month and bought clothes and household items, which was very convenient.

提案: Answer the time aspect directly (give a duration or period) with a clear opening sentence. Then briefly add one or two relevant details about the place using linking words. Maintain correct tense and concise phrasing.

例: I have lived in Jalandhar for five years since my marriage. During this time I've noticed that the city is famous for sports and has a good education system, which makes it an attractive place to live.

提案: Directly answer 'yes' or 'no' and explain with specific reasons. Avoid incorrect word choices ('delighted for adults') and repetition. Use linking words to connect reasons and give one concrete example about opportunities for young people.

例: Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because it has many good schools and training centres. For instance, there are sports academies and coaching institutes that help young people develop skills and prepare for careers.

× I have been born and raised up in Amritsar but after marriage I live in Jalandhar.

✓ I was born and raised in Amritsar, but after my marriage I moved to Jalandhar.

The phrase 'have been born' is incorrect because 'be born' is a stative passive that uses simple past for birth (I was born). 'Raised up' is unnatural: 'raised' is sufficient. 'After marriage I live' mixes past event with present tense; use past 'moved' to indicate change of residence. Also add possessive 'my marriage'. Suggestion: use 'I was born and raised in Amritsar, but after my marriage I moved to Jalandhar.'

× There are many facilities available in my hometown such as education system, hospitals and many shopping centres where we can survive easily with good climate.

✓ There are many facilities available in my hometown, such as the education system, hospitals, and many shopping centres, where we can live comfortably because of the good climate.

Nouns like 'education system' need a definite article 'the' when referring to the local system. 'Survive' is incorrect contextually; 'live comfortably' is appropriate. 'Good climate' needs an article or rephrasing; 'because of the good climate' clarifies the reason. Also add commas for clarity.

× There are many facilities which I love about my hometown, uh, the one of the most shopping center where I visited last month.

✓ There are many facilities that I love about my hometown. One of the biggest is a shopping centre that I visited last month.

Use 'that' instead of 'which' for essential clauses in speech. 'The one of the most shopping center' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'one of the biggest' or 'one of the most popular'. Also split into two sentences for clarity and use 'that I visited' to define which shopping centre.

× So that time I bought a lot of things from for myself.

✓ At that time I bought a lot of things for myself.

'So that time' is incorrect; use 'at that time'. 'Bought ... from for myself' has an extra preposition 'from'; 'bought ... for myself' is correct. Keep the phrase concise: 'At that time I bought a lot of things for myself.'

× I lived there after my marriage and I see various kind of things in Jalandhar.

✓ I lived there after my marriage and I saw various kinds of things in Jalandhar.

Mixing past 'lived' with present 'see' is inconsistent. Use past 'saw' to match 'lived'. Also 'various kind' should be 'various kinds' (plural) or 'various kinds of things.'

× Jalandhar is famous for sports and the city is very beautiful.

✓ Jalandhar is famous for sports, and the city is very beautiful.

This sentence is mostly correct; add a comma before the conjunction for clarity. 'Sports' is correctly plural. No major grammar change needed beyond punctuation.

× The education system of the city is very good.

✓ The city's education system is very good.

Original is acceptable, but using the possessive form 'the city's education system' sounds more natural and concise in spoken English.

× Definitely my hometown is delighted for adults because they can achieve their goals easily.

✓ Definitely, my hometown is great for adults because they can achieve their goals easily.

'Delighted' describes a feeling, not a place. Use 'great' or 'suitable' to describe a town. Add a comma after 'Definitely' for natural speech rhythm.

× There are there are many schools where they can get good education and become success in their.

✓ There are many schools where they can get a good education and become successful.

Remove the duplicate 'There are'. Use 'a good education' (article) and 'become successful' instead of 'become success in their' which is ungrammatical and unfinished. End the sentence clearly.