Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the town and its location, avoid repetition (e.g. “located…located”), and provide one or two precise details (region, proximity to a landmark). Use natural phrasing and correct prepositions.

例: I’m from Mendeley, a town in the Mandalay Region of central Myanmar. It lies near the centre of the country and is well-connected to nearby cities by road.

提案: Give one or two specific things you like and explain why using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like “so many things” and correct grammar (e.g. subject-verb agreement). Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I enjoy living in Mendeley because it’s the second largest city in the region and offers excellent facilities. For example, there are several modern shopping centres and parks where people socialize, and the schools and healthcare services are good, which makes life convenient.

提案: Be specific about the length of time and avoid unclear fragments. Start with a clear time phrase (e.g. “I’ve lived there since I was born” or “for 18 years”), then mention exceptions briefly with linking words. Remove unclear sentence fragments like “There has been loud.”

例: I’ve lived in Mendeley since I was born, so for about 20 years. However, I sometimes stay in my father’s village in the Mandalay countryside for a few weeks at a time during school holidays.

提案: Answer directly then support with 1–2 concrete reasons and examples. Improve grammar and linking (e.g. “because”, “for example”). Avoid repeating “young people” too often. Keep sentences clear and concise.

例: Yes, it is. Because it’s a large city, Mendeley has many well-ranked schools and vocational programmes. For example, young people can choose from specialised art and science schools or join sports clubs and internships that help them develop careers.

× My hometown is Mendeley, so it is located in the Mendeley region of Myanmar and it is also located at the centre of the Myanmar.

✓ My hometown is Mendeley, so it is located in the Mendeley region of Myanmar and is also located at the centre of Myanmar.

Remove the definite article 'the' before 'Myanmar' because country names like Myanmar do not normally take 'the'. Also streamline repetition by removing the second 'it' to improve flow. (Grammar problem type ID: 17.)

× Actually, there are so many things I like about my hometown because as it is a second central city of Myanmar, it is a big city and have so many facilities and places to go and enjoy so we can get and know everything we want.

✓ Actually, there are so many things I like about my hometown because, as it is the second largest city in Myanmar, it is a big city and has many facilities and places to go and enjoy, so we can get and find everything we want.

Use singular/plural correctly: 'has' (third-person singular) instead of 'have' to agree with 'it'. Use 'the second largest city' rather than 'second central city' for natural phrasing and change 'so many facilities' to 'many facilities'. Also replace 'get and know' with 'get and find' for clarity. (Grammar problem type ID: 1.)

× So yeah, I really enjoy living in my hometown.

✓ So yeah, I really enjoy living in my hometown.

Sentence is grammatically correct in present tense. No change needed. (Included for completeness.) (Grammar problem type ID: 6.)

× I have lived there for years, since I was a child, but sometimes I move to live in my dad's hometown, which is located at the countryside of Mandalay Region.

✓ I have lived there for years, since I was a child, but sometimes I move to my dad's hometown, which is in the countryside of Mandalay Region.

Use 'move to my dad's hometown' (no extra 'to live') for concision. Use 'in the countryside' rather than 'at the countryside'. The present perfect 'I have lived' is correct to express duration from the past to now. Change 'is located at the countryside' to 'is in the countryside' for correct preposition and natural phrasing. (Grammar problem type ID: 5.)

× But yeah, I mostly live in my hometown.

✓ But yeah, I mostly live in my hometown.

This sentence is correct; 'mostly' is properly placed before the verb. No change needed. (Included for completeness.) (Grammar problem type ID: 20.)

× There has been loud.

✓ There has been a lot of noise.

Original lacks a proper noun or noun phrase and is ungrammatical. Use 'There has been a lot of noise' to express ongoing loudness. Alternatively, 'It has been noisy' is also correct. This corrects sentence structure by providing a clear subject and verb complement. (Grammar problem type ID: 23.)

× Of course, yes, because as it is a big city, it has so many schools and class that are highly ranked in our country.

✓ Of course, because it is a big city, it has many schools and classes that are highly ranked in our country.

Use 'classes' (plural) instead of 'class' to match 'schools'. Remove redundant 'yes'. Replace 'so many' with 'many' for neutral tone. Ensure subject-verb agreement remains correct. This fixes adjective/adverb usage and plurality. (Grammar problem type ID: 13.)

× So there are so many opportunities for young people like what they want to do as they want to study or do some activities is a really nice place for young people.

✓ So there are many opportunities for young people to study or take part in activities; it is a really nice place for them.

Original sentence is run-on and ungrammatical. Restructure into two clear clauses: one stating opportunities and one giving an evaluation. Replace 'like what they want to do as they want to study or do some activities' with 'to study or take part in activities' for clarity and correct infinitive use. Use pronoun 'them' to avoid repetition. (Grammar problem type ID: 26.)