Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Улучшите чёткость и организацию ответа, избегайте повторов и слов-паразитов. Начните с простого утверждения (My hometown is...), затем добавьте одно конкретное уточнение (its name and location). Избегайте неясных слов («kloda») и лишних пауз. Используйте связку для плавного перехода: for example, "about X kilometers from my current city".

例: My hometown is Shymkent, a well-known city in southern Kazakhstan. It is about 500 kilometers from the city where I live now, so I don't visit very often.

提案: Дайте более связный и конкретный ответ: начните с главной идеи, затем добавьте причину и пример. Избегайте повторов («actually», «the reason why» дважды). Используйте связующие слова (because, for example) и укажите конкретные детали о родственниках или дружбе.

例: What I like most about my hometown is visiting my family, especially my maternal grandparents, because they are very welcoming. For example, they always cook traditional meals and we often meet with childhood friends on weekends.

提案: Сократите вводные слова и говорите прямо: начните с короткого утверждения о периоде проживания, затем добавьте ясное объяснение времени и факта переезда. Исправьте название города и избегайте тавтологии («I lived there for only five years» + «when I turned 5» — достаточно одного факта).

例: I lived there for five years. When I was five, my family moved to my current city, Shymkent, where I have been living since then.

提案: Сформулируйте ответ чётко и последовательно: начните с общей позиции, затем объясните причины с примерами. Избегайте грамматических ошибок (word order, articles) и повторов. Используйте связки: however, for higher education, many prefer... Укажите конкретные причины, почему столица лучше (учёба, работа, развлечения).

例: It's a good city for young children and families because it is safe and close to relatives. However, for university students or young professionals, the capital offers better universities and job opportunities, so many move there.

× My hometown isn't actually a town, it's quite popular city in Kazakhstan.

✓ My hometown isn't actually a town; it's quite a popular city in Kazakhstan.

The sentence omits the indefinite article 'a' before 'popular city' and uses comma splice. Use 'a' for singular countable nouns and a semicolon or conjunction to join independent clauses. Suggestion: 'My hometown isn't actually a town; it's a quite popular city in Kazakhstan.' or '...it's a quite popular city in Kazakhstan.'

× So it's a it's a kloda which is located quite far from where I live right now.

✓ So it's a kloda, which is located quite far from where I live right now.

There is a repeated phrase 'it's a it's a' causing redundancy and 'kloda' likely a proper noun or local term that should be capitalized if it's a place name. Remove duplication and add a comma before the non-restrictive relative clause. Suggestion: 'So it's Kloda, which is located quite far from where I live right now.'

× What I love mostly about my hometown is actually my relatives and the reason why I go there.

✓ What I love most about my hometown is my relatives and the reason why I go there.

Use 'most' instead of 'mostly' when modifying an adjective or phrase. 'Mostly' is an adverb meaning 'mainly' and is less natural here. Change to 'most' to indicate the primary thing loved. Also 'actually' is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity.

× It's my grandparents from my mother's side and friends who live there.

✓ They are my grandparents on my mother's side and friends who live there.

Use 'on my mother's side' as the standard prepositional phrase for family lineage. Also the sentence structure needed subject 'They are' rather than 'It's' to refer to plural people.

× Oh, umm, I lived there for only five years, and when I turned 5, we moved from that city to the city where I live right now, to the Shumkant.

✓ Oh, umm, I lived there for only five years, and when I turned five, we moved from that city to the city where I live now, Shymkent.

Numbers under ten are usually written in words in formal writing, and 'right now' is redundant with past narrative; use 'now' for current residence. 'Shumkant' appears misspelled; correct local city name likely 'Shymkent'. Ensure consistency in tense and correct place name spelling.

× For young people it's a definitely good city to live and with their parents, but when the person becomes a student of university or when it when he will be adult person, the best option is definitely capital city of country.

✓ For young people, it's definitely a good city to live in with their parents, but when a person becomes a university student or an adult, the best option is definitely the capital city of the country.

Several issues fixed: remove misplaced article and adverb order ('definitely' before adjective), add preposition 'in' after 'live', use 'a person' instead of 'the person', 'university student' is the correct collocation, 'when he will be adult person' is ungrammatical — use 'an adult'. Add definite articles: 'the capital city of the country.' Suggest practicing article placement, word order for adverbs and correct collocations.