Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, grammatically correct and complete your sentences. Start with a direct topic sentence naming the place, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid redundancy and filler phrases. Also correct basic grammar (e.g., 'I am from Patiala', 'northern India', 'compared to other parts').

例: I am from Patiala, which is in the state of Punjab in northern India. It is a bustling, fast-developing city and serves as an education hub with many colleges and public amenities. For example, we have a large central park and a well-known university, which attract students from neighboring regions.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about what you like, then support with two specific reasons linked logically. Use correct grammar ('I moved here', 'striking features', 'better air quality than other regions') and avoid trailing off. Use linking words like 'firstly' and 'also'.

例: I especially like the green spaces and clean air in my hometown. Firstly, it has several parks and tree-lined streets that make walking pleasant; secondly, the air quality is better than in many nearby cities because there is less industry. Also, good transport links and educational institutions make life convenient.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time phrase, then give one or two concise supporting details. Fix grammar and tense (e.g., 'I have lived here for almost ten years. I moved here after my marriage'). Avoid fillers ('uh', 'umm') and unclear words ('Mercer'—maybe 'another city'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I have lived in Patiala for almost ten years. I moved here after my marriage and established a medical clinic. As a result, I built a loyal patient base and was able to make the clinic successful within a few years.

提案: Make a direct evaluative statement, then support with two specific reasons and use linking words ('because', 'in addition'). Correct grammar ('an amazing place for young people', 'emerging town'). Finish your thought—avoid incomplete sentences.

例: Yes, my hometown is a great place for young people. Because it is an education hub, students can choose from many courses and colleges, and in addition, new businesses are creating job opportunities in fields like IT, healthcare, and retail. Therefore young graduates can both study and find work locally.

× I hear from Patiala and it is situated in Punjab.

✓ I come from Patiala and it is situated in Punjab.

The student used 'hear' incorrectly; the correct verb for origin is 'come from'. Use present simple 'I come from' to indicate where you are from. Suggestion: Replace 'I hear from' with 'I come from' or 'I'm from'.

× To be very specific it is in northern side of India.

✓ To be very specific, it is in the northern part of India.

'Northern side' is not the usual collocation; use 'the northern part' or 'the north of'. Add the definite article 'the' before 'northern' and include a comma after the introductory phrase. Suggestion: Say 'in the northern part of India' or 'in northern India.'

× My hometown is a bustling city and it is developing city as compared to other part of my country.

✓ My hometown is a bustling and developing city compared to other parts of my country.

Missing article before 'developing city' and plural 'parts' needed. Combine adjectives 'bustling' and 'developing' with 'and' and use 'compared to' with plural 'parts'. Suggestion: Use 'a bustling and developing city' and 'other parts of my country.'

× It has many countless amenities for public.

✓ It has countless amenities for the public.

'Many countless' is redundant and incorrect; use either 'many' or 'countless'. Also include the definite article 'the' before 'public'. Suggestion: Use 'countless amenities for the public' or 'many amenities for the public.'

× Moreover it has lots of.

✓ Moreover, it has lots of facilities.

The sentence is incomplete; 'lots of' must be followed by a noun. Add a suitable noun such as 'facilities' or 'amenities'. Suggestion: Complete the sentence: 'Moreover, it has lots of facilities.'

× I shifted here a decade ago and one of the striking feature about my hometown that it has enough green space and moreover it's air quality is much better than other reason of my state and it has all kind of amenities like education hub, a better connectivity to all other reason.

✓ I moved here a decade ago, and one of the striking features of my hometown is that it has ample green space and its air quality is much better than other regions of my state; it also has all kinds of amenities, such as educational institutions and better connectivity to other regions.

Use 'moved' or 'shifted' is okay but 'moved' is more natural. 'One of the striking feature' needs plural 'features'. 'That it has' should be rephrased to 'is that it has'. 'It's' is a contraction for 'it is' but here the possessive 'its' is required. 'Other reason' is incorrect; 'regions' or 'areas' is appropriate. Use plural 'all kinds of amenities' and 'educational institutions' instead of 'education hub'. Suggestion: Use correct past tense 'moved', plural forms, possessive 'its', and clearer nouns like 'regions' and 'educational institutions.'

× Moreover it's air quality is much better than other reason of my state and it has all kind of amenities like education hub, a better connectivity to all other reason.

✓ Moreover, its air quality is much better than that of other regions of my state, and it has all kinds of amenities, such as educational institutions and better connectivity to other areas.

'It's' is the contraction for 'it is'; the possessive pronoun 'its' is required. 'Than other reason' is unclear; use 'than that of other regions.' Also 'all kind of' should be 'all kinds of.' Suggestion: Use the possessive 'its' and compare using 'than that of other regions.'

× Moreover now it has a little.

✓ Moreover, now it has improved a little.

'Has a little' is incomplete and ungrammatical; add a verb 'improved' or a noun to complete the idea. Suggestion: Say 'now it has improved a little' or 'now it has a little more development.'

× It has been almost a decade earlier I was living in a Mercer but after marriage I shifted here uh, to pursue my rest of life.

✓ It has been almost a decade. Earlier I was living in Amritsar, but after marriage I moved here to spend the rest of my life.

The original mixes present perfect 'It has been almost a decade' with 'earlier' awkwardly. Separate into two sentences. 'Mercer' seems incorrect as a place name; perhaps 'Amritsar' or another city. Use 'moved' for natural past tense and 'to spend the rest of my life' instead of 'to pursue my rest of life.' Suggestion: Use clear sentence boundaries and natural verbs: 'It has been almost a decade. Earlier I lived in [city], but after marriage I moved here to spend the rest of my life.'

× I also establish a clinic and get huge umm, audience uh, who believed in me and I able to make my clinics successful.

✓ I also established a clinic and gained a large number of patients who believed in me, and I was able to make my clinic successful.

Tense errors: use past tense 'established', 'gained', and 'was able'. 'Audience' is not the correct word for patients or clients. 'Clinics' should be singular if referring to the one clinic. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense for completed actions and choose appropriate nouns like 'patients' or 'clients.'

× Definitely, it is amazing place young people who are looking for any kind of course that my hometown is providing because it is an education hub.

✓ Definitely, it is an amazing place for young people who are looking for any kind of course that my hometown provides because it is an education hub.

Missing article 'an' before 'amazing place' and missing preposition 'for' after 'place'. 'Is providing' can be simplified to 'provides'. Suggestion: Add articles and prepositions: 'an amazing place for young people' and use simple present 'provides.'

× Moreover, it is also creating lots of job opportunities in almost every field because it is one of the emerging town in my state which is self-sufficient enough to.

✓ Moreover, it is also creating lots of job opportunities in almost every field because it is one of the emerging towns in my state, which is self-sufficient enough to support its population.

Use plural 'towns' and add a completing phrase; the original sentence ends abruptly. 'Self-sufficient enough to' needs an object or infinitive; add 'support its population' or similar. Suggestion: Use plural nouns where needed and complete the clause: 'emerging towns' and 'self-sufficient enough to support its population.'