Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence stating location, then add one or two specific details (e.g., features, atmosphere) using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect prepositions (say "in the district of" or "in Gujarat").

例: I come from Kotlara in the Bharuch district of Gujarat. It’s a small, peaceful town where everyone knows each other, and I feel very safe living there.

提案: Organize your answer: give a clear main point then support with two specific examples. Use appropriate linking words like "for example" or "because" and avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "most essential deck").

例: What I like most is the friendly attitude of the people. For example, neighbors often help each other with chores and they organise community events, which creates a caring atmosphere.

提案: Use correct tense and concise structure. Start with a clear time phrase ("since I was a child"), then add one or two relevant details about experiences. Avoid repeating the same idea and fix grammar (e.g., "I was born there" not "I born there").

例: I have lived there since I was a child — I was born and raised in Kotlara and even completed my schooling there. Growing up surrounded by helpful, close-knit neighbours made my childhood comfortable.

提案: State your opinion directly and support it with specific reasons why it suits young people (e.g., safety, parks, schools, job options). Use linking words like "because" or "for example" and avoid vague phrases like "they will be fan."

例: Yes, I think it is a good place for young people because it is very safe and has several parks and good schools. For example, local community centres organise sports activities that help young people stay active and meet friends.

× My hometown is in Kotlara, Balihar, with its district Gujarat, and people here living are very friendly and I feel very safe living here.

✓ My hometown is Kotlara, in the Banaskantha district of Gujarat, and the people who live here are very friendly, so I feel very safe.

The sentence has incorrect preposition and phrase order: use 'in' for locations and 'district of Gujarat' is the correct form. 'People here living are' is an incorrect word order; use 'the people who live here' or 'people who live here'. Also combine ideas with appropriate conjunctions for clarity. Suggestion: reorder location as 'Kotlara, in the ___ district of Gujarat' and use relative clause 'who live here'.

× And it's a very peaceful place to live.

✓ It is a very peaceful place to live.

Beginning sentences repeatedly with 'And' is informal and unnecessary in this context. Removing the conjunction improves formality and sentence flow. Keep the simple present 'is' for describing a general truth about the hometown.

× And I like living there and I enjoy living there.

✓ I like living there and enjoy it.

The sentence is repetitive. Combine ideas to avoid redundancy: when the subject is same for two verbs, you can omit the repeated subject in the second clause ('I like living there and enjoy it'). This improves conciseness and fluency.

× The most essential deck which I am going to tell you is which I like mostly, is people's behavior, their way of speaking, their friendly behavior and their and how they took care of other people.

✓ The most important thing I want to tell you that I like is people's behavior: their way of speaking, their friendliness, and how they take care of others.

Multiple problems: 'deck' is wrong word choice; 'most essential' should be 'most important'; awkward clause order 'which I am going to tell you is which I like mostly' should be simplified. Use 'their friendliness' (noun) instead of 'their friendly behavior'. Use present tense 'take care' for habitual actions and use 'others' instead of 'other people' after 'take care of'. Suggest simplifying the structure to 'The most important thing I want to tell you is...'. Also avoid repeating 'their' unnecessarily.

× They help needy people and take care of all the people living near their society.

✓ They help needy people and take care of everyone living in their community.

'Near their society' is incorrect and unnatural. Use 'in their community' or 'in their neighborhood'. 'All the people' can be more naturally phrased as 'everyone'. 'Needy people' is acceptable, but 'those in need' is an alternative. Suggest using 'community' for clarity.

× I have been living in this area since my childhood.

✓ I have lived in this area since my childhood.

Both 'have been living' and 'have lived' can be correct, but 'have lived' is more natural when listing past stages later. Using present perfect simple emphasizes the duration up to now. If you prefer continuous, keep consistent verb forms in following sentences.

× I born there, grow there, live there, study there.

✓ I was born there, grew up there, lived there, and studied there.

These verbs need correct past forms: 'born' requires passive 'was born'; 'grow' should be past 'grew' or 'grew up'; 'live' and 'study' should be past 'lived' and 'studied' when listing past actions. Use parallel past tense for a list of completed actions.

× And the most good thing which I like about this area peoples is that this area peoples are so friendly and so, uh, soft hearted.

✓ The best thing I like about the people in this area is that they are very friendly and soft-hearted.

'Most good' is incorrect; use 'best' or 'the most important'. 'Area peoples' is ungrammatical — use 'people in this area' or simply 'people here'. Use the pronoun 'they' to avoid repetition. Hyphenate 'soft-hearted' if used as a compound adjective. Remove filler words like 'uh' for clarity.

× They help needy peoples and.

✓ They help needy people.

'Peoples' as plural is incorrect when referring to groups of people; use 'people'. Also sentence is incomplete; remove trailing conjunction and finish the thought. Use 'needy people' or 'people in need'.

× Yeah, yeah, this is a very good place for young people to live.

✓ Yes, this is a very good place for young people to live.

Stylistic: replace repeated 'yeah' with 'yes' for formality. No grammatical subject-verb error here, but keep concise. Present tense 'is' correctly describes a general truth.

× And I think so my hometown is the safest place for me and for all the people living around there and living there.

✓ I think my hometown is the safest place for me and for everyone who lives there.

Remove extra filler 'so' and redundant phrases 'living around there and living there'. Use 'everyone who lives there' for clarity and conciseness. Maintain present simple 'is' for opinion about current situation.

× And I think according to my opinion, if someone can visit our place, they will be fan of our hometown, like their attractiveness, their lovely nature, people.

✓ In my opinion, if someone visits our place, they will be a fan of our hometown because of its attractiveness, lovely nature, and friendly people.

Multiple issues: 'And I think according to my opinion' is redundant — use 'In my opinion' or 'I think'. Use 'if someone visits' (present simple) for general conditional; 'can visit' is unnecessary. 'They will be fan' needs article 'a fan'. 'Like their attractiveness...' is unclear; use 'because of its attractiveness... and friendly people'. Replace 'their' with 'its' when referring to the hometown. Ensure parallel list structure and correct pronoun reference.