Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition like “in spite” twice and fix verb forms. Use linking words to connect contrasting ideas (e.g., "although" or "despite").

例: I’m from Tehran, the capital of Iran. Although it’s crowded and has air pollution, I enjoy the lively atmosphere and cultural activities there.

提案: Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, plural forms). Give one clear topic sentence then two specific supporting details with linking words. Replace fillers with pauses and practice vocabulary (e.g., "public transportation," "parks").

例: I like Tehran for its job and educational opportunities. For example, the city has numerous universities and companies, and its extensive public transportation network makes commuting easier.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repetition and fillers. Start with the precise duration, then add one brief reason why you stay. Use a linking word (e.g., "because").

例: I have lived in Tehran since I was thirteen years old. I still live there because I enjoy the job and study opportunities it offers.

提案: Be careful with word choice and grammar. Use inclusive language ("young people"), correct verb forms, and structure: one clear opinion plus specific supporting reasons. Use linking words ("because", "for example").

例: Yes, Tehran is a good place for young people because it offers many job and education opportunities; for example, there are training centers and universities where young people can develop skills.

× My hometown is in Tehran, the capital city of Iran. It's a crowded and polluted city, but the atmosphere is very lively. I like living in Tehran in spite, in spite of traffic and air pollution.

✓ My hometown is Tehran, the capital city of Iran. It's a crowded and polluted city, but the atmosphere is very lively. I like living in Tehran despite the traffic and air pollution.

The sentence had redundancy and awkward preposition use. 'in spite, in spite of' is incorrect and redundant; use 'despite' or 'in spite of' followed by a noun phrase. Also 'is in Tehran' is wordy; 'is Tehran' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'despite the traffic and air pollution' for conciseness and correct preposition usage.

× What I like about Tehran is uh, the opportunity for work and education. Tehran have many facilities and uh, umm, there is a, uh, public transportation, uh, that umm, make uh, life easy for people. There are many park.

✓ What I like about Tehran is the opportunity for work and education. Tehran has many facilities, and there is public transportation that makes life easy for people. There are many parks.

Multiple subject-verb agreement and count noun errors. 'Tehran have' should be 'Tehran has' because Tehran is singular. 'public transportation... that make' needs 'makes' to agree with singular 'transportation'. 'There are many park' requires plural 'parks'. Also article 'a public transportation' is incorrect; 'public transportation' is uncountable, so no 'a'. Reduce filler words and hesitations for clarity.

× I have lived in Tehran since I was, uh, thirteen years old and, uh, I uh, like Tehran and uh, I uh, don't want to uh, change my, uh, hometown.

✓ I have lived in Tehran since I was thirteen years old, and I like Tehran, so I don't want to change my hometown.

Tense is generally correct (present perfect with 'since'), but the sentence contains unnecessary hesitations and a comma splice. Clean phrasing: remove fillers and connect clauses with 'so' for clarity. Keep 'have lived... since' to express duration.

× Yet it's a very convenient place for young girls because Tehran have many job and education opportunities and young girls, they can improve their knowledge and their abilities in Tehran. And it's good.

✓ It is a very convenient place for young people because Tehran has many job and educational opportunities, and young people can improve their knowledge and abilities in Tehran.

Several errors: 'Yet' at sentence start is unnecessary and can be omitted. 'Tehran have' should be 'Tehran has' (singular agreement). 'many job and education opportunities' should be 'many job and educational opportunities' or 'many jobs and educational opportunities' — use plural and correct adjective form. Avoid redundant subject 'young girls, they'; use 'young people' for inclusivity (or 'young women' if intended) and avoid repeating the subject. Remove 'And it's good' as vague; if kept, make it specific.